When you’re facing domestic violence, just figuring out your legal options can feel like an impossible task. In the Netherlands, one of the most powerful tools for your protection is a domestic violence restraining order, known locally as a ‘contactverbod’ or ‘huisverbod’. It’s a critical legal step designed to give you back your safety.
This guide is here to walk you through that process, step by step. We’ll cut through the legal jargon and focus on what you actually need to do to protect yourself.
Understanding Your Right to Safety in the Netherlands
Taking the first step to seek legal protection is a monumental act of courage. It’s you saying that your safety and well-being are non-negotiable. You have a fundamental right to live without fear, and the Dutch legal system has pathways to help you enforce it.
It’s crucial to understand that domestic violence isn’t just about physical harm. The law takes a much broader view, recognising that abuse can take many forms. Grasping this is often the first step in validating what you’ve been through and building a strong case for protection.
Defining What Counts as Abuse
Abuse is often a slow burn, starting with small actions that escalate over time. Dutch law is designed to address a wide spectrum of harmful behaviours when deciding whether a restraining order is necessary.
Think about a situation where an ex-partner won’t leave you alone after a breakup. It might start with constant texts and calls, then they show up at your work uninvited, or they start spreading lies about you online. Even though there’s no physical violence, this kind of relentless stalking and psychological pressure is absolutely a valid reason to seek a restraining order.
Another powerful example is coercive control. This is when a partner systematically dismantles your life by cutting you off from friends and family, seizing control of your finances, and dictating every move you make. This slow stripping away of your independence is a severe and recognised form of abuse.
Key Takeaway: A domestic violence restraining order covers much more than physical violence. It is designed to stop any behaviour that causes intense fear, harassment, or emotional distress, which absolutely includes psychological abuse and stalking.
Recognising Different Forms of Harm
To give you a clearer picture, let’s look at the specific types of abuse the Dutch legal framework is set up to handle. Being able to identify and name these behaviours is an important part of the legal process.
Below is a table that breaks down the main categories of abuse. It can help you put a name to what you’re experiencing, which is a powerful step in itself.
Types of Abuse Covered by Dutch Law
| Type of Abuse | Description and Examples |
|---|---|
| Physical Abuse | Any act of violence causing physical harm. This includes hitting, slapping, pushing, choking, or using any object as a weapon. |
| Psychological Abuse | Behaviour that causes emotional or mental distress. Think of constant criticism, verbal threats, intimidation, gaslighting, or humiliating you in public or private. |
| Coercive Control | A pattern of behaviour designed to make you dependent by isolating you from support, exploiting you, and regulating your day-to-day life. |
| Stalking & Harassment | Repeated and unwanted contact or attention that causes you fear. This can be anything from following you to relentless messaging and monitoring your movements. |
| Financial Abuse | Controlling your access to money, stopping you from working, or forcing you into debt. It’s a common tactic used to make it harder for you to leave. |
These behaviours are incredibly difficult to navigate, and it can be even more confusing when dealing with someone who has narcissistic traits. Their manipulation can make you doubt your own perceptions. For more specific insights, you can read our article on the intersection of narcissism and family law.
Sadly, these experiences are all too common. In early 2020, about 1.2 million residents in the Netherlands aged 16 and older—that’s 8% of the population in that age group—reported experiencing domestic violence in the previous year. For 820,000 of them, this was a structural problem, happening daily, weekly, or monthly. You are not alone in this.
Navigating the Different Types of Protective Orders
When you’re looking for protection through the legal system, it’s vital to know your options. In the Netherlands, a domestic violence restraining order isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. There are a few distinct legal paths you can take, and each one is meant for different situations and started by different people.
Getting a handle on these differences is your first step. It helps you figure out which type of protection fits your immediate safety needs and the specific details of what you’re going through. The three main routes for protection are civil orders, criminal orders, and an immediate measure called a temporary house ban.
The Civil Restraining Order
A civil restraining order, known in Dutch as a contactverbod (contact ban) and/or gebiedsverbod (area restriction), is a protective measure that you, as the victim, have to start yourself. This is the path people usually take when there’s a pattern of harassment, stalking, or psychological abuse that hasn’t led to a criminal arrest.
Let’s say your ex-partner won’t stop sending threatening messages, keeps showing up at your work, and is contacting your friends and family against your wishes. In a case like this, you would hire a lawyer (advocaat) to file a petition with the civil court. The goal is to show a judge that this behaviour is causing you serious distress and fear, making a legally binding order to stop all contact necessary.
This type of order is a powerful tool because it can be shaped to fit your exact circumstances.
- You’re in control: You and your lawyer decide when to file the case and what evidence to use.
- It can be very thorough: The order can ban any kind of contact—texts, calls, social media—and can even include an area ban, preventing the abuser from coming near your home, your children’s school, or your workplace.
- The focus is your safety: Unlike a criminal case, the main goal isn’t to punish the abuser, but to protect you from being harmed again.
A judge will look at all the evidence and decide whether to grant the order. These orders are usually given for a set time, like one or two years, and can be extended if the threat is still there.
The Criminal Restraining Order
A criminal restraining order is tied directly to a criminal investigation or prosecution. You don’t start this process yourself; the Public Prosecutor (Officier van Justitie) does, as part of a criminal case against the abuser.
This often happens after someone is arrested for a violent act, like an assault. The prosecutor can ask the court to impose a no-contact order as a condition for the abuser’s release while they await trial, or as part of their final sentence.
The key thing to remember is that this order is part of the criminal justice system. While it gives you protection, it moves at the pace of the police and the prosecutor’s office, and depends on their decisions.
These orders are absolutely crucial for immediate safety right after you’ve filed a police report or experienced a violent incident.
The Temporary House Ban
The third, and quickest, option is the temporary house ban, or tijdelijk huisverbod. This isn’t a court order, but an administrative measure that the mayor can impose. Think of it as a rapid-response tool that authorities use in very serious, immediate situations of domestic violence.
If the police respond to an emergency call and believe there is an urgent and serious threat, they can recommend that the mayor issue a house ban. This forces the abuser to leave the shared home for ten days, which can be extended. During this time, they are also forbidden from contacting you in any way.
This ten-day “cool-down” period is designed to de-escalate a dangerous situation. It gives you critical breathing room to seek further help, like applying for a longer-term civil restraining order or connecting with support organisations.
The Dutch legal system has formalised these protections to address the very real complexities of domestic violence. Since the relevant law was introduced on 1 January 2009, more than 11,692 restraining orders have been issued across the Netherlands. Criminal restraining orders, for example, typically last for up to 90 days but can be renewed, showing that the system is built for sustained protection.
How To Build A Strong Case For Your Application
A successful application for a domestic violence restraining order ultimately comes down to one thing: clear, credible evidence. While your own testimony is powerful, you can significantly strengthen your case by backing it up with organised proof. The goal is to paint a complete picture for the judge, showing them the reality of the harassment, fear, and abuse you’re facing.
It can feel strange and unnatural to think like a detective about your own life, but it’s a crucial step in this legal process. Think of each piece of evidence as a building block. Together, they create a foundation so solid that the need for protection becomes undeniable. This isn’t about being confrontational; it’s about being strategic and prepared.
Collecting Your Digital Evidence
In so many cases of harassment and psychological abuse, the proof lives on your phone and computer. For an abuser, digital communication is a powerful tool—but it also leaves a clear trail that you can use to protect yourself.
Do not delete threatening texts, emails, or voicemails. Screenshot everything. Make sure the date, time, and the sender’s name or number are clearly visible in the image. If the harassment is happening on social media, document those posts and messages, too. This digital record is vital for showing a pattern of behaviour.
A judge might dismiss a single angry text, but a log showing fifty unwanted messages in three days tells a completely different story. It shows persistence and a refusal to respect your boundaries, which is exactly what a restraining order is designed to prevent.
Documenting Incidents In Detail
Your personal records are another critical part of your evidence. One of the most powerful things you can do is keep a detailed, chronological log of every incident. It doesn’t need to be complex; a private journal or a secure note-taking app on your phone will work just fine.
For each entry, make sure you include:
- The date and time of the incident.
- Where it happened (e.g., at home, near your work).
- A detailed description of what occurred and what was said.
- The names of any witnesses who saw or heard it happen.
- Photos of any injuries or property damage, no matter how minor they seem.
This consistent documentation creates a timeline that’s very difficult to dispute. It helps you recall specific details accurately when you’re speaking with a lawyer or in court, so you don’t have to rely on memory during an already stressful time.
Expert Insight: Organise your evidence by date, starting with the oldest incident and ending with the most recent. This creates a clear narrative for the judge, demonstrating a pattern of escalating behaviour or continuous harassment that justifies a domestic violence restraining order.
Gathering Official And Third-Party Proof
Beyond your personal notes, official records lend a powerful layer of credibility to your application. These are documents from neutral third parties that support your account of events.
If you’ve ever had to call the police, get a copy of the police report. If you’ve gone to a doctor for injuries, ask for your medical records. The court views these official documents as highly reliable.
Witness statements can also be incredibly persuasive. Ask friends, family, neighbours, or colleagues who have witnessed the abuse or its aftermath if they would be willing to provide a written statement. A colleague confirming your ex-partner was waiting outside your office every day provides powerful, independent proof of stalking.
The gravity of this issue is underscored by national statistics. In 2022 alone, Dutch police recorded 48 female victims of homicide, with 36 of these cases identified as domestic homicides. In the same year, support services received 49,755 reports of intimate partner violence, highlighting the critical need for protective measures.
The Process for Filing a Domestic Violence Restraining Order
Starting the legal process for a domestic violence restraining order can feel overwhelming, but it’s a structured journey with clear stages. Knowing the roadmap, from your first report to the final court decision, can make the entire experience feel more manageable and far less intimidating.
Whether you start by going to the police or by contacting an advocaat (lawyer), you’re setting a series of actions in motion, all designed to secure your safety. This process involves several key players who are there to help you. The police are often the first point of contact, particularly in an emergency. An advocaat will be your guide and advocate in court. Meanwhile, victim support organisations like Slachtofferhulp Nederland offer crucial emotional and practical assistance. Ultimately, the Public Prosecution Service (Openbaar Ministerie) and the court are the official bodies that will make the final legal decisions.
Initiating the Process: Your First Move
Your journey toward a restraining order typically begins in one of two ways, depending on your immediate circumstances.
If you are in any immediate danger or a crime has been committed, your first step should always be to contact the police. When you file an official report (aangifte doen), the police will launch an investigation and can connect you with vital support services. This police report becomes a critical piece of evidence. It can also prompt the Public Prosecutor to pursue a criminal restraining order on your behalf.
Alternatively, you might be experiencing non-physical abuse, such as stalking or coercive control. Or perhaps you simply prefer to take the lead on the process yourself. In these cases, the best first step is to contact a specialised family law lawyer (advocaat). Your lawyer will help you gather the necessary evidence and file a petition for a civil restraining order directly with the court. They handle all the legal paperwork and represent your interests, ensuring your case is presented as effectively as possible.
Preparing for the Court Hearing
Once your application is filed—whether through the civil or criminal route—a court hearing will be scheduled. This is your chance to present your case directly to a judge. Preparation is absolutely key to feeling confident and making sure the judge fully understands your situation.
Your lawyer will walk you through organising your evidence and explain what to expect during the hearing. You will almost certainly be asked to speak about the incidents that led you to seek the order. It’s incredibly important to be honest and as specific as you can be.
- Review Your Evidence: Go through your log of incidents, text messages, and any witness statements with your lawyer beforehand.
- Anticipate Questions: The judge will ask questions to grasp the nature and frequency of the abuse. They might ask why you feel a restraining order is essential for your future safety.
- Focus on Facts: Try to stick to describing what happened, when it happened, and how it made you feel. Instead of making general accusations, provide specific, concrete examples.
The court hearing isn’t meant to be a confrontation; it’s about clear communication. Your role is to provide the judge with the information they need to make a decision that protects you. The abuser will also have a chance to respond, which is why having a lawyer by your side is so important.
The Key Players and What to Expect
To help demystify the process, it’s useful to understand who does what at each stage. The table below breaks down the main steps and the people involved.
Key Stages in the Restraining Order Process
| Stage | Key Action | Who Is Involved |
|---|---|---|
| Initial Report | Reporting the abuse and seeking immediate help. | You, the Police, Slachtofferhulp Nederland |
| Legal Application | Filing the official request for a restraining order. | You, your Lawyer (advocaat), Public Prosecutor |
| Court Hearing | Presenting evidence and testimony before a judge. | You, your Lawyer, the Judge, the Abuser |
| Court Decision | The judge grants or denies the restraining order. | The Judge |
It’s crucial to remember that violating a restraining order is a criminal offence. If the abuser breaches the terms set by the court, it can lead to their immediate arrest and prosecution, resulting in a criminal record. Understanding the gravity of these consequences is important, as it reinforces the seriousness of the order. You can find more details in our guide that explains what a criminal record is and its full implications in the Netherlands.
What Happens After the Restraining Order Is Granted?
Securing a domestic violence restraining order is a huge moment. It’s the point where the legal system officially validates your right to live without fear. But I’ve seen it many times—the journey doesn’t stop here. In many ways, it’s the start of a new chapter, one that requires vigilance and a clear head.
The moment the judge grants the order, it’s live and legally enforceable. The abuser receives official notification of the conditions, and from that point on, they are bound by law to comply. Your focus now shifts from fighting for protection to living with it and knowing exactly what to do if it’s ever challenged.
Understanding the Conditions of Your Order
Every restraining order is tailored to the specific circumstances of the case. It’s absolutely critical that you understand every single condition the judge has laid out. Sit down with your lawyer and go through the document line by line until you are completely clear on the rules the abuser must now follow.
Typically, you’ll see conditions like these:
- No-Contact Provisions: This is the bedrock of most orders. It means the abuser cannot call, text, email, message you on social media, or even try to contact you through other people, like friends or family.
- Stay-Away Distances: The order will state a specific distance the abuser must keep from you, your home, your workplace, and even your children’s school. This is often set at a clear distance like 100 or 200 metres.
- Prohibition on Threats or Harassment: The order explicitly forbids any more acts of abuse, threats, stalking, or harassment.
Adapting to life with these rules means you’ll need to think strategically. For instance, if you have mutual friends, you might need to explain the no-contact rule so they don’t inadvertently pass on a message. If your daily commute takes you near a place the abuser often goes, it’s wise to find a new route to avoid any accidental encounters that could escalate into a violation.
What to Do If the Order Is Violated
A court order is only as powerful as its enforcement. A violation of a domestic violence restraining order is a criminal offence in the Netherlands, and it must be reported without hesitation. Knowing the right steps to take in that high-stress moment is crucial.
Here is your action plan if a violation occurs:
- Prioritise Your Safety: If you feel you are in immediate danger, your first and only job is to get yourself to a safe place. Everything else can wait.
- Call the Police Immediately: For emergencies, dial 112. If the situation isn’t immediately life-threatening but is still a violation, call the non-emergency police number at 0900-8844.
- Provide Clear Information: When you speak to the police, state it plainly: “I have a restraining order, and it has just been violated.” If you can, have the details of the order ready. Explain exactly what happened—what the person did, where they are, and when the incident took place.
- Document Everything: Just like when you were building your initial case, document the violation. Take screenshots of messages, note the time and location of the incident, and get the names of any witnesses. This creates a fresh evidence trail for the police.
Crucial Tip: Never confront the abuser about a violation yourself. It’s not your job to enforce the order—that is what the police are for. Your responsibility is to report the breach safely and let the legal system take over.
The consequences for the abuser are serious. A reported violation can lead to their immediate arrest and criminal charges, reinforcing the power of the order you fought so hard to get.
Managing Your Documents and Ongoing Support
You’ll receive official documentation for your restraining order. It’s vital to keep this safe but also to know how to share it securely if needed. You might need to provide a copy to your child’s school or your employer. For digital copies, you should look into solutions for password protection to keep your sensitive information secure.
Life after getting an order also involves practical and emotional adjustments. If children are involved, you might need to adjust legal agreements. Navigating co-parenting under these new circumstances can be challenging, and our guide on creating a parenting plan in the case of divorce has valuable advice that can be helpful here.
Most importantly, remember to lean on your support networks, like Slachtofferhulp Nederland, for ongoing emotional support as you begin this new, safer chapter.
Common Questions About Restraining Orders in the Netherlands
Even after laying out the steps, it’s completely normal to have more questions about getting a domestic violence restraining order. The legal system can feel like a maze, and you’re right to want clarity on the details that affect your safety and your future. Here, we’ll tackle some of the most common questions we hear from people in your situation.
Our aim is to clear up any lingering doubts with direct, practical answers. We want you to feel as prepared and confident as possible as you take this crucial step.
Can I Get a Restraining Order if We Still Live Together?
Yes, absolutely. This is a situation many people find themselves in, and the law accounts for it. You can certainly apply for a civil restraining order while still sharing a home with the person causing harm.
However, there’s often a more immediate tool available in these cases: the temporary house ban (tijdelijk huisverbod). This is an administrative measure the mayor can enforce, ordering the abuser to leave the shared home for at least ten days. It’s designed to give you that critical breathing room to apply for a longer-term civil order without the abuser under the same roof.
How Much Does It Cost to Get a Restraining Order?
The costs really depend on the route you take. If you report a crime to the police and the Public Prosecutor decides to pursue a criminal restraining order, there are no legal fees for you.
For a civil restraining order, you will need to engage a lawyer (advocaat). Their fees will vary based on their rates and how complex your case becomes. It’s crucial to know, however, that you may be eligible for subsidised legal aid (gesubsidieerde rechtsbijstand) from the Dutch Legal Aid Board (Raad voor Rechtsbijstand), depending on your income. Always bring this up in your first conversation with a lawyer. Law & More does not work in this field on the basis of subsidised legal aid.
What if My Ex Violates the Order by Texting Me?
Any contact forbidden by the order is a violation. It doesn’t matter if it’s a text, a phone call, a social media message, or even a seemingly harmless note saying, “I miss you.” The act of contact itself is the breach.
Do not reply. Your first move should be to take a screenshot of the message, making sure the date, time, and the sender’s details are clearly visible. Then, report the violation to the police without delay. A breach of a restraining order is a criminal offence, and the police are tasked with enforcing it.
Key Insight: The content or tone of the message is irrelevant; the act of contact is the violation. Do not engage. Your only job is to safely document the breach and report it to the authorities.
Can a Domestic Violence Restraining Order Be Renewed?
Yes, they can. Civil restraining orders are issued for a specific duration, often for one or two years. If you still feel threatened as the order’s expiration date nears, you can apply to have it renewed.
To do this, you must file a motion to renew before the current order expires. You will need to show the judge that there is “good cause” for an extension. This doesn’t always mean a new act of violence has occurred. Your continued and legitimate fear of the abuser can be enough for a judge to grant the renewal and extend your protection.