What To Do If You Have A Conflict With Your Employer: Guide

A conflict with your employer can feel overwhelming: the power imbalance, worries about pay or dismissal, and the fear of damaging your reputation or health. Maybe you disagree about workload or performance, or you’re facing behavior that feels unfair. You don’t want a fight—but you also don’t want to give up your rights or make things worse.

The good news: most workplace conflicts can be resolved with a calm, structured approach. This means pausing to assess safety, documenting facts, understanding your contract, CAO, and company policies, and having a focused, professional conversation first. If needed, you can escalate internally, explore mediation, involve the company doctor (bedrijfsarts) when health is affected, and use formal procedures—all while protecting your legal position under Dutch law.

This guide gives you a clear, step‑by‑step roadmap for the Netherlands. You’ll learn how to log evidence, prepare what to say, confirm agreements in writing, navigate HR and mediation, safeguard yourself during performance or disciplinary processes, and understand dismissal rules, transition allowance, and WW. Let’s start by stabilizing the situation so you can act with confidence.

Step 1. Pause and assess safety, urgency, and the outcome you want

Before you decide what to do if you have a conflict with your employer, take a breath and triage. First, check personal safety and well‑being. If the situation involves intimidation, discrimination, or behavior that feels unsafe, do not meet alone—contact HR or a confidential adviser (vertrouwenspersoon), and consider a support person. If stress or health is affected, plan an early consult with the company doctor (bedrijfsarts). Next, gauge urgency and define what “good” looks like in practical, specific terms.

Safety first: If you feel unsafe, pause contact, document what happened, and seek HR/confidential support.
Is it urgent? Suspension/invitation to a disciplinary meeting, withheld pay, or access removal require swift, documented responses.
Name your goal: For example, clear expectations, workload adjustment, respectful conduct, mediation, or a different reporting line.
Don’t resign in anger: Quitting impulsively can harm your position and unemployment (WW) rights later.

Step 2. Capture facts and evidence in a simple conflict log

Memories blur fast. A concise conflict log keeps you objective and credible in talks with your manager, HR, a mediator, or the bedrijfsarts. Focus on verifiable facts (who, what, when, where), attach supporting documents, and be cautious about sharing details with colleagues to avoid escalation.

Record each incident: Date/time, people present, exact words/actions, channel (email/meeting/chat), location.
Attach evidence: Emails, chats, calendar invites, policies/CAO clauses, task lists, rosters, performance notes.
Note impact and ask: Effect on work/health, what you requested, agreed next steps, deadlines.
Preserve securely: Keep originals, use timestamps, store privately; avoid confidential leaks and covert recordings—seek advice if unsure.

YYYY-MM-DD — Event — Evidence — Impact — Your ask — Owner — Deadline — Status

Step 3. Review your contract, CAO, policies, and Dutch legal basics (BW and Arbowet)

Before any meeting, anchor yourself in the written rules: your contract, any CAO, the staff handbook, and core Dutch rules in the BW and Arbowet. This turns vague friction into concrete asks and guides what to do if you have a conflict with your employer. It also shows where policy or law may already support you.

Contract: Role, place/hours, pay/allowances, overtime, probation/notice, non‑compete/confidentiality, study costs.
CAO: Which applies; more favorable terms often prevail; processes for appraisals, complaints/mediation, overtime/leave, and sick pay.
Policies/handbook: Code of conduct, anti‑harassment, grievance/whistleblowing, performance/PIP, disciplinary steps, sickness reporting and bedrijfsarts access.
Legal basics (BW/Arbowet): Good employer/employee conduct, reasonable instructions, a safe and healthy workplace, access to the company doctor (also preventively), and that dismissal usually follows warnings and a documented file.

Step 4. Sense-check with a confidential adviser, union, or works council

Before approaching your manager, stress-test your plan with a trusted, neutral resource. A confidential adviser (vertrouwenspersoon), your union, or the works council can help you evaluate facts, risks, and tone—so you know exactly what to do if you have a conflict with your employer. Keep this off the office grapevine and treat the discussion as confidential preparation, not escalation.

Who to contact: The vertrouwenspersoon (usually on the intranet), your union helpdesk, or the works council contact point.
What to bring: Conflict log, contract/CAO clauses, relevant policies, your desired outcome, key questions.
What to ask: Best first step (manager vs. HR), suggested wording, whether to bring a support person, and if mediation fits.
Boundaries: Avoid gossip, protect privacy, and seek advice before any recording.
If safety/patterns: Ask how to raise this appropriately or route it into a formal process.

Step 5. Request an informal, private meeting with your manager

Once you’ve grounded yourself and sense‑checked, ask for an informal, private meeting with your manager to address the conflict early. A calm one‑to‑one conversation usually resolves issues faster than long email threads. Keep it non‑confrontational, aim for shared goals, and if safety is a concern, request a support person or choose a neutral setting. It’s a practical first step in what to do if you have a conflict with your employer.

Request clearly: 20–30 minutes this week, private.
Neutral frame: “Align on expectations and next steps.”
Confirm in writing: Time/place; note any support person.
If refused/delayed: Record it and escalate to HR.

Step 6. Prepare your message and communicate professionally

When deciding what to do if you have a conflict with your employer, go in with a simple, structured message that invites collaboration. Prepare a three‑part storyline: concrete observations, the impact, and a practical ask. Use your conflict log to stay factual and business‑like (no accusations). Know where you can accommodate and where you need compromise or collaboration to reach a workable outcome.

Purpose: align on X.
Observations: On [dates], [facts/evidence].
Impact: [work/health/productivity].
Request: [specific change + owner + timeline].

Neutral language: Describe behaviors and data; avoid labels and motives.
Curious questions: “What are your expectations for X?” “What would success look like?”
Close clearly: Summarize agreed next steps and timing; confirm follow‑up.

Step 7. Confirm agreements in writing and set timelines

Right after the meeting—ideally the same day—send a short, neutral recap to your manager. Written confirmation turns verbal promises into a shared record and clarifies who does what by when. It’s one of the most effective things to do if you have a conflict with your employer because it supports follow‑through, fairness, and any later HR or mediation steps. Keep it factual, list only what was agreed, and propose a clear review date.

Subject line: “Recap and next steps — [topic/date]”
List actions: Owner, concrete deliverable, deadline.
Add checkpoint: Calendar a review (e.g., 2–4 weeks).
Invite corrections: Ask for edits/confirmation within 48 hours.
Attach references: Relevant emails/policies mentioned.
Escalation: If no response or refusal, note it; CC HR only if urgent or agreed.
File it: Save in your conflict log.

Subject: Recap and next steps — [Project/Topic], [DD-MM-YYYY]

Hi [Manager],

Thank you for today. As discussed, we agreed:
1) [Action] — Owner: [Name] — Deadline: [DD-MM]
2) [Action] — Owner: [Name] — Deadline: [DD-MM]

Checkpoint: [DD-MM] to evaluate progress and adjust if needed.
Please let me know by [DD-MM] if anything is inaccurate.

Kind regards,
[Your Name]

Step 8. Keep performing and demonstrate good employeeship (goed werknemerschap)

One of the most effective things to do if you have a conflict with your employer is to keep showing up as a reliable professional. Under Dutch law, both employer and employee must act reasonably. Maintain performance, follow reasonable instructions, and stay business‑like—this strengthens your credibility in any HR, mediation, or legal review. Do not call in sick due to the situation itself; if stress affects your health, consult the bedrijfsarts preventively and follow advice and any reintegration plan.

Deliver essentials: Meet deadlines, attend key meetings, respond timely.
Follow policy: Use leave and reporting rules correctly.
Stay constructive: Avoid gossip, blame, and escalation in chats.
Reasonable instructions: Flag unsafe/unlawful tasks, propose alternatives.
Keep records: Log agreements, feedback, and barriers factually.

Step 9. Escalate internally to HR or a higher manager and consider mediation

If a private talk stalls, is refused, or the issue is urgent (pay, suspension, access), escalate calmly to HR or your manager’s manager. Reference your earlier recap, stick to facts, and state the concrete outcome you seek. Ask HR to facilitate a solution-focused process—often, a short, structured mediation resolves matters faster than back‑and‑forth emails.

When to escalate: Repeated breaches, safety concerns, ignored deadlines, or time‑critical decisions.
What to send: Brief summary, key evidence, impact on work, your requested outcome and timeline.
Request mediation: Neutral, confidential, voluntary; internal or external mediator. Practice shows many disputes resolve quickly this way.
Choose the track: Recovery mediation (continue working together) or exit mediation (negotiate terms respectfully).
Set parameters: Who attends, agenda, dates, and a review point. If blocked, note the refusal for potential formal routes later.

Step 10. If your health is affected, involve the company doctor (bedrijfsarts) early

If stress, sleep issues, anxiety, or physical symptoms are showing up, involve the bedrijfsarts early—even preventively. Under Dutch practice, you can request a consult before you’re officially sick. The bedrijfsarts can assess risks, advise workable adjustments, suggest a short “cooling‑off” period if needed, and even recommend mediation. This protects your health and creates a documented, professional route to a solution.

How to request: Ask HR for contact details and request a preventive consultation with the bedrijfsarts.
What to bring: Your conflict log, tasks, workload, triggers, and what a workable week would look like.
Privacy: Medical details stay with the bedrijfsarts; HR receives only functional limitations and advice.
Possible outcomes: Temporary adjustments (hours/duties), cooling‑off, mediation advice, referrals.
If sick‑listed: Follow the plan, stay reachable, and attend appointments.
Good employeeship: Don’t call in sick just because of a dispute—seek a medical assessment first.
After the consult: Confirm practical adjustments in writing and update your conflict log.

Step 11. Use formal routes if needed: grievance/complaint, whistleblowing, or investigation

If informal steps stall or the risk is significant (harassment, safety, pay issues), use the formal procedures in your policy or CAO. This is a predictable, documented path and often what to do if you have a conflict with your employer that won’t resolve informally. Keep to verifiable facts, cite policies, and ask HR about process stages and timelines. Request acknowledgement and an impartial handler.

Grievance/complaint: File a concise written statement with dates, facts/evidence, relevant policy/CAO clauses, the impact, and the remedy you seek. Ask for a meeting and a written outcome.
Whistleblowing: Use the designated channel if you suspect legal/ethical breaches or serious health and safety risks. Follow the policy, keep confidentiality, and route outside your line manager if required.
Investigation: Request a neutral investigator, share your evidence, avoid office commentary, and keep your log updated. Ask for the outcome letter and how to appeal.
Mediation alongside: Even during formal steps, propose mediation to reach a practical resolution faster.

Step 12. If it’s about performance or discipline, protect your position during PIPs and file-building

When a conflict turns into “performance” or “conduct,” employers often start a PIP or issue warnings to build a file. In the Netherlands, dismissal usually requires prior warnings and a documented improvement opportunity. Stay cooperative, factual, and shape the process—this is what to do if you have a conflict with your employer that’s escalating formally.

Get the PIP in writing: Baseline metrics, SMART goals, support (training/mentoring), resources, check‑ins, owner, and realistic timelines. Flag workload conflicts and request prioritization.
Ask for the dossier: For any meeting, request the agenda, allegations, evidence, and the policy/CAO basis. Note who decides. Bring a support person if allowed.
Control the record: Take notes. Afterward, send factual corrections to minutes within 48 hours. Add a short “your view” memo to the file.
Challenge inaccuracies calmly: Respond in writing with dates/evidence. If asked to sign, write “seen, not agreed” rather than admitting fault.
Warnings: Clarify type, duration, and removal criteria. Propose a concrete improvement plan or mediation/coach.
Unreasonable or unsafe asks: State concerns and propose alternatives in writing. Log blockers beyond your control.
Hearings/suspension: Ask for all documents, time to prepare, and suspension terms (pay, access, duration). Stay available and comply with reasonable instructions.
Don’t sign on the spot: Never accept a settlement or admission immediately—ask time for independent legal advice.

Step 13. Explore resolution options: mediation, redeployment, or settlement agreement (vaststellingsovereenkomst)

When informal steps stall, you still have choices. Decide whether you want to repair the relationship, change how you work, or separate on fair terms. In practice, many disputes resolve through a short, structured mediation—either to reset cooperation (“recovery”) or to part respectfully (“exit”). When weighing what to do if you have a conflict with your employer at this stage, pick the route that best fits your health, career, and evidence.

Mediation (recovery or exit): A neutral mediator facilitates confidential talks to reach an acceptable, practical agreement for both sides. Exit mediation can prevent a lengthy procedure and limit negative consequences.
Redeployment/role adjustment: Explore workload changes, a different reporting line, training/coaching, or an internal move to make collaboration workable.
Settlement agreement (vaststellingsovereenkomst): If separation is best, negotiate clear terms (end date, payments, duties during notice, reference, confidentiality, return of property). Never sign on the spot—get independent legal review first.

Step 14. Know your rights on dismissal, transition allowance (transitievergoeding), and unemployment (WW)

If separation becomes likely, get clear on three things: the basis for dismissal, what financial terms may be on the table, and how to protect access to unemployment benefits. Staying factual, cooperative, and documenting your efforts is central to what to do if you have a conflict with your employer at this stage.

Due process and file: Sudden dismissal is uncommon; employers typically need prior warnings and a documented improvement opportunity. Keep records of meetings, agreements, and mediation attempts.
Route and wording: Whether via a formal route or a mutual settlement agreement (vaststellingsovereenkomst), ensure terms are written, clear, and reflect what was actually agreed.
Transition allowance: Ask explicitly whether a transition allowance applies in your situation and discuss it when negotiating settlement terms.
Protect WW rights: Do not resign in anger—quitting can jeopardize unemployment benefits. Acting reasonably and keeping written evidence of cooperation supports your position.
Confirm everything: Capture the end date, pay arrangements, handover, and any practical adjustments in a signed document and add it to your conflict log.

Step 15. When to seek legal advice in the Netherlands and how we can help

If you’re unsure what to do if you have a conflict with your employer, get Dutch employment counsel when the stakes are high or timelines are tight. Early advice can prevent missteps, protect WW eligibility, and strengthen your position in talks, mediation, or any formal process.

Urgent triggers: Suspension/dismissal meeting, settlement offer, withheld pay, penalty or non‑compete letter.
Formal escalation: Investigation, grievance, PIP/warnings, or a mediation stalemate.
Health conflict: Disagreement about bedrijfsarts advice or the reintegration plan.
Rapid help: Contract/CAO/policy check, document review, and a short risk/strategy memo.
Settlement check: Review vaststellingsovereenkomst, safeguard WW wording, negotiate transitievergoeding and terms.
Representation: We handle negotiation, correspondence with HR/management, and support in mediation.
Practicalities: Multilingual team; extended hours (Mon–Fri 08:00–22:00, weekends 09:00–17:00); transparent fees (€250–€400 p/h ex VAT) and fixed fees where suitable; offices in Eindhoven and Amsterdam.

Step 16. Rebuild the relationship and prevent future conflicts

After the dust settles, invest in how you will work together going forward. Trust is rebuilt through clear expectations, dependable follow‑through, and early, respectful conversations. When considering what to do if you have a conflict with your employer beyond resolution, focus on small, consistent behaviors that make collaboration predictable and safe.

Set working agreements: Define priorities, response times, meeting cadence, and decision rights.
Schedule short check‑ins: 15 minutes every 1–2 weeks to surface risks early and adjust.
Align on feedback norms: Facts first, no surprises, written recaps for key decisions.
Clarify roles/workload: Update goals and remove conflicts; record in your plan or PIP addendum.
Keep it business‑like: Model good employeeship; escalate promptly, not publicly.
Use support early: Vertrouwenspersoon, HR, or a mediator for aftercare if patterns reappear.
Review policies/CAO together: Note the practical “playbook” for next time and update your conflict log with lessons learned.

Key takeaways and next steps

Handled methodically, most disputes resolve without hurting your job, health, or future. You now have a Dutch playbook—from first aid and documentation to HR, mediation, and exits. Act early, stay professional, and keep leverage.

Safety first: Define a realistic outcome you want to achieve.
Log facts: Record dated facts and evidence; avoid opinions or confidential leaks.
Know the rules: Check your contract, CAO, policies, and basics under BW/Arbowet.
Sense‑check: Validate your plan with a vertrouwenspersoon, union, or works council.
Talk first: Meet your manager professionally; communicate clearly; confirm agreements in writing.
Keep performing: Consult the bedrijfsarts early if health is impacted.
Escalate smartly: Go to HR or mediation; use formal routes when needed; protect yourself in PIPs; consider redeployment or a fair settlement with WW/transitievergoeding safeguarded.

Time‑critical issue or a warning, suspension, or settlement offer? Our employment lawyers at Law & More can review, advise, and negotiate fast—confidentially and in plain language.