Ex Refuses To Sell Your Shared Home What Now?

When your ex digs their heels in and refuses to sell your shared home, it can feel like you’re trapped. But you’re not powerless. Dutch law is very clear on this: no one can be forced to remain in an undivided co-ownership indefinitely.

This simple but powerful principle means you have a legal right to get the sale moving, even if your ex won’t agree. The most common path for this is a court process known as a short cause procedure (kort geding).

Facing a Stalemate When Your Ex Halts the House Sale

A relationship ending is tough. But when your ex won’t cooperate with the house sale—in Dutch, "ex werkt niet mee aan verkoop woning"—the stress can become unbearable. You’re trying to build a new life, but you’re still financially shackled to a shared mortgage and a property that’s become a source of conflict.

This kind of deadlock does more than just cause emotional strain. It can stop you from getting a new mortgage, prevent you from buying a new place, and leave you feeling completely stuck.

The reasons your ex might be refusing to sell are often complicated and deeply personal. It’s rarely just about the house itself. Getting a handle on what’s really driving their resistance is your first step toward breaking the gridlock.

Common Reasons for Non-Cooperation

From my experience, an ex-partner’s refusal to sell usually stems from one of a few core issues:

• Emotional Attachment: The house holds memories of the life you built together. For some, letting go feels like a final, painful admission that the relationship is over.

• Financial Anxiety: This is a big one. Your ex might be terrified they won’t be able to afford a new home on their own. Delaying the sale feels like a way to put off facing that financial uncertainty.

• Strategic Disagreement: Sometimes, the refusal is just a tactic. They might be trying to stall the process by disagreeing with the asking price, the choice of estate agent, or the timing of the sale.

• Lack of Maintenance: In some situations, an ex might refuse to contribute to necessary repairs to get the house ready for market. If you're dealing with a property that's fallen into disrepair because of this, exploring strategies for selling a house in bad condition can offer a practical way forward.

It's crucial to remember that you are not obligated to stay tied to this property forever. The law provides clear ways to break this deadlock, allowing you to regain your financial independence.

This guide is here to help you cut through the emotional turmoil and legal jargon. We'll walk through the practical, actionable steps you can take—from negotiation and mediation right through to decisive court action—to get your property sold and finally start your next chapter.

Understanding Your Legal Ground and Ownership Rights

Before you can make a move, you need to know exactly where you stand. When your ex refuses to cooperate with selling your shared home—what the Dutch call “ex werkt niet mee aan verkoop woning”—your rights aren’t based on what feels fair. They are defined by Dutch law and, crucially, by the specific way you owned the property together.

How your relationship was structured is the foundation of your entire case. Were you married? In a registered partnership? Simply living together? Each of these scenarios creates a different legal reality. For example, a marriage in community of property (gemeenschap van goederen) is treated very differently from a situation where unmarried partners simply co-own a house.

But here’s the single most important principle you need to grasp: you cannot be legally forced to remain in an undivided co-ownership indefinitely.

This rule, rooted in the Dutch Civil Code, is your ultimate protection. It guarantees that a stalemate is never the final answer and gives you the power to legally compel a sale.

How Your Relationship Status Defines Your Rights

Getting a clear picture of the legal framework that applies to your situation is the key to moving forward with confidence. The nature of your previous relationship dictates the default rules for property division and what you’ll need to demonstrate in court.

The process and your rights can differ quite a bit, so figuring out your starting point is crucial. For a deeper dive into this, you can learn more about the specifics of property division within and after marriage in our detailed article.

When an ex-partner digs their heels in, it often brings underlying legal complexities to the surface. It’s no surprise that Dutch court data shows a steady rise in family law cases where property division is the main battleground. And while the law allows one owner to petition for a court-ordered sale, this isn't an overnight fix—the process can take months and involves legal and valuation costs.

Your legal right to demand the division of shared property is not a suggestion; it's a fundamental aspect of Dutch property law designed to prevent exactly this kind of deadlock.

To help clarify your position, let’s look at how different relationship statuses impact your rights when it comes to selling the property.

Your Legal Rights Based on Relationship Status

The table below breaks down how your previous relationship status typically impacts your rights and the legal process you'll need to follow.

Relationship Status	Default Property Arrangement	Key Legal Consideration for Sale
Married in Community of Property	The house is a joint asset, owned 50/50 by default, even if only one name is on the title deed.	The sale is part of the overall divorce settlement. A court can order the property to be sold to finalise this division.
Married with a Prenuptial Agreement	Ownership is dictated entirely by the terms in your prenuptial agreement (huwelijkse voorwaarden).	Your agreement is the primary legal document. The court will enforce its clauses regarding property division.
Registered Partnership	This is treated almost identically to a marriage, with similar default community property rules unless specified otherwise.	The process mirrors a divorce. Compelling a sale is a standard procedure if one partner refuses to cooperate.
Cohabiting with an Agreement	Your cohabitation agreement (samenlevingscontract) defines ownership shares and the procedure for ending co-ownership.	The court will enforce the contract. A well-drafted agreement often includes a dispute resolution clause for this scenario.
Cohabiting without an Agreement	Ownership is based strictly on the names and percentages listed on the title deed (eigendomsbewijs).	You must prove your ownership stake. The legal principle against forced co-ownership still applies, allowing you to seek a court order.

As you can see, no matter what your past relationship looked like, there is always a legal path to selling the property. Knowing which category you fall into is the first step in building a strong case, allowing you to gather the right documents and tailor your strategy effectively.

Breaking the Deadlock Through Negotiation and Mediation

When you find yourself in a situation where your "ex werkt niet mee aan verkoop woning," the instinct can be to brace for a legal battle. However, jumping straight into court proceedings is almost always the most expensive and drawn-out path.

Before escalating things, it's worth exploring structured negotiation and mediation. These are powerful tools for finding a way forward, often saving significant time and money. More than that, they can help preserve a more functional post-relationship dynamic, which is especially important if you have children together. The real goal here is to shift from a place of emotional conflict to a business-like discussion about a shared financial asset.

Starting a Productive Conversation

Taking the first step is often the hardest part, particularly if open communication has completely broken down. A great way to reset the tone is by moving from verbal arguments to formal, written communication. Sending a registered letter (aangetekende brief) is a common and highly effective starting point.

This isn't an aggressive tactic; it’s about presenting a clear, documented proposal. Your letter should calmly state your desire to sell the property and lay out a concrete plan.

• Propose a specific real estate agent, or suggest a fair method for choosing one together.

• Suggest a realistic asking price, ideally backed by a free valuation you've already obtained from an agent.

• Set a clear and reasonable timeline for getting the house on the market.

This formal approach signals that you are serious and, crucially, creates a paper trail. This documentation is vital if you later need to demonstrate to a court that you made every reasonable attempt to cooperate. It changes the dynamic from heated personal arguments to a documented, step-by-step process.

Key Takeaway: The goal of this initial negotiation isn't to win an argument. It's to create a clear, actionable plan for the sale. Documenting every proposal and response is essential for protecting your legal position down the line.

The Power of a Neutral Mediator

If direct negotiation doesn't work, mediation is the next logical step. A mediator isn’t a judge who will decide who is right or wrong. Instead, they are a neutral professional trained to facilitate conversation and guide you both towards a solution you can agree on.

Mediation offers a structured, safe environment to talk through the sensitive issues that are often the real roadblocks—things like financial fears or deep emotional attachments to the home. The entire process is confidential, which allows for a more open dialogue without the immense pressure of a courtroom. It's also significantly faster and more cost-effective than litigation. For anyone considering this path, it's helpful to understand how professional mediation services can help untangle complex property disputes.

To get the most out of a mediation session, you should come prepared:

1. Gather Your Financials: Bring every relevant document, like mortgage statements, property valuations, and receipts for any expenses you've covered yourself.

2. Define Your Goal: Know what your ideal outcome is (e.g., selling by a specific date), but also be ready to compromise on the smaller details.

3. Stay Focused: The session is about the house, not about re-litigating your past relationship. Keep the conversation centred on the practical steps needed to sell the property.

Any agreement you reach in mediation can be formalised in a legally binding contract (vaststellingsovereenkomst). This provides a clear and enforceable path forward, often without ever needing a judge's intervention at all.

The Legal Path When Cooperation Is Not an Option

When the conversation has completely broken down and your ex simply won't cooperate with the sale of the house, it’s time to change tactics. We move from negotiation to legal action. This can sound intimidating, but the Dutch legal system actually provides a very clear, structured path to break the deadlock.

You’re not asking for anything extraordinary. At its core, you are simply asking the court to enforce a fundamental right: you cannot be forced to remain in co-ownership against your will.

The journey starts by petitioning the court. This formal step takes the dispute out of the realm of personal conflict and places it into a legal framework. Here, a judge will make decisions based on law and reason, not emotion. For many, it's the only way forward when an ex-partner is either unresponsive or actively blocking the process.

Be prepared, though. When an ex refuses to cooperate, the legal process can take months, adding to the stress and cost of an already difficult situation.

Seeking Substitute Consent from the Court

One of the most effective tools in our legal arsenal is requesting ‘vervangende toestemming’ (substitute consent). What does this mean? In simple terms, we ask the judge to provide the signature your ex-partner is withholding.

If the court grants this, its decision legally replaces your ex's cooperation. This is a game-changer. It means the sale can move forward as if they had willingly signed on the dotted line. The court can authorise you to sign the sales agreement and transfer deed on their behalf, effectively removing them as a roadblock.

Of course, a judge won't grant this lightly. You must first demonstrate that you've exhausted all reasonable attempts to gain their cooperation.

A court's judgment for substitute consent is the key that unlocks the entire sale. It gives you the power to instruct the estate agent, accept a fair offer, and finalise the transaction—all without your ex's active involvement.

Establishing the Terms of the Sale by Court Order

Getting permission to sell is one thing, but an uncooperative ex can still cause trouble at every turn—from picking an agent to haggling over the price. To prevent this, we can ask the court to set the specific terms of the sale.

Your lawyer can petition for a court order that clearly dictates:

• The real estate agent: The court can appoint a specific agent to manage the sale, ensuring a neutral, professional approach.

• The minimum sale price: This stops your ex from rejecting reasonable offers by demanding an unrealistic price. The court typically bases this on an independent valuation.

• A firm timeline: Deadlines can be set for listing the property and accepting offers, preventing endless delays.

• Mandatory cooperation: If your ex is still living in the property, the order can compel them to allow viewings, often with financial penalties attached if they refuse.

This approach takes all the key decisions out of the hands of the uncooperative party. For a deeper dive into the court process, have a look at our guide on understanding litigation in Dutch courts.

Building a Strong Case for the Judge

To win in court, you need more than just a grievance; you need a solid, well-documented case. A judge needs to see clear proof that selling is necessary and that your ex's refusal is unreasonable. This is where your lawyer’s help is critical.

Together, we will build an evidence file that should include:

• Proof of ownership: The official title deed showing you are joint owners.

• Property valuations: An official appraisal or several valuations from reputable estate agents to establish a fair market value.

• Financial records: Mortgage statements and any proof showing who has been paying the bills (mortgage, utilities, taxes).

• Communication history: Copies of every email, letter, and text message that documents your attempts to negotiate and find a solution.

This paperwork does more than just fill a folder. It tells a story, demonstrating your good-faith efforts and building a compelling argument that judicial intervention is the only path left.

The Financial Realities of a Forced Property Sale

When a court has to step in and order the sale of your shared home, you’re not just dealing with emotional stress—the financial picture changes completely. This isn't your typical property sale; it’s a process loaded with unique costs and risks you need to get ahead of. When your "ex niet meewerkt aan de verkoop van de woning," the delays can start costing you real money, especially in a fast-moving property market.

Getting a firm grip on these financial stakes is non-negotiable. From who pays the mortgage during the dispute to how the final pot is divided, every step has a price tag. Preparing for these realities is the best way to protect your financial interests and make smart, clear-headed decisions.

Don't Let Delays Eat Into Your Equity

An uncooperative ex who drags their feet can cause more than just frustration. In the Dutch housing market, these delays can have serious financial consequences. Stalling isn't just about postponing the inevitable—it can actively shrink the profit you walk away with.

The numbers don't lie. With the average Dutch home price hitting around €488,000 in 2025 after an 11% year-on-year jump, even a six-month delay could mean missing out on a significant slice of appreciation. In a market like this, a stalled sale is a financial liability. You can get a clearer picture of these trends and discover more insights about the history of Dutch property prices to see just how much is at stake.

Who Pays for What While You Wait?

Just because the sale is in limbo doesn't mean the bills stop coming. The mortgage, property taxes (OZB), insurance, and utilities all need to be paid while the legal process plays out. One of the key questions the court will settle is who is responsible for these ongoing costs.

As a general rule, if one partner is still living in the house, they're usually expected to cover the day-to-day user costs like utilities. Ownership-related expenses, however, are a different ball game.

• Mortgage Payments: You are both still on the hook with the bank. If one of you stops paying, it damages both of your credit scores.

• Property Taxes and Insurance: These are considered ownership costs, so they’re typically a shared burden, no matter who is living there.

• Urgent Maintenance: If the roof starts leaking, for example, those repairs are usually split. It's about preserving the value of the asset for both of you.

A word of advice: Keep a detailed, meticulous record of every single expense you pay on your own during this time. These receipts and bank statements are your proof and will be absolutely essential for getting reimbursed from the final sale proceeds.

How the Money is Actually Divided

Once the house finally sells, the proceeds don't just get split 50/50. The notary (notaris) has a specific job to do first: settle all the debts attached to the property. It's a formal process. If things are particularly messy and you're worried about hidden finances, looking into professional help for finding a person's assets can provide clarity and ensure a fair outcome.

Here’s the typical order of payments the notary will make:

1. First, the outstanding mortgage is paid off in full to the bank.

2. Next, the real estate agent’s commission and other direct sale costs (like appraisal fees) are settled.

3. Then, any party who covered shared costs alone during the dispute gets reimbursed, based on the documentation you've carefully kept.

Whatever is left after these deductions is the net profit. This is the amount that will finally be divided between you and your ex-partner according to your legal ownership shares. This final step is where all your diligent record-keeping really pays off, ensuring you get the fair financial result you deserve.

Common Questions About Uncooperative House Sales

Finding yourself in a situation where "ex werkt niet mee aan verkoop woning" can feel like a dead end, but you're not alone. Many people hit these same frustrating roadblocks. Here are some direct answers to the questions we hear most often, offering some clarity on the practical challenges of selling a shared property when one person refuses to cooperate.

What if My Ex Lives in the House and Blocks Viewings?

This is an incredibly common—and infuriating—tactic. If your ex-partner is physically preventing the sale by refusing access to estate agents or potential buyers, you absolutely have recourse. Your lawyer can petition the court for a specific order to compel their cooperation.

This isn't just a polite request from the court. The order will often lay out a clear schedule for viewings. More importantly, it can include a ‘dwangsom’, which is a hefty penalty fine. This means your ex will be ordered to pay a significant sum for every single time they fail to provide access as the court has mandated. Dutch judges have seen this all before and are prepared to enforce these orders to get the sale moving.

Can I Buy My Ex Out if We Cannot Agree on a Price?

Yes, absolutely. It's very common for one partner to want to stay in the home. If you're looking to own the property outright but can't land on a fair buyout price with your ex, the court can step in to break the deadlock.

In this scenario, the court's main objective is to establish a fair and impartial valuation. A judge will almost always appoint an independent, certified appraiser to determine the home's official market value.

Once that valuation is set in stone, the court can issue an order that requires your ex to transfer their share of the property to you at that official price. This effectively forces the buyout, even without their agreement on the number, allowing you to take sole ownership and move on.

How Long Does It Take to Legally Force a Sale?

The timeline for forcing a sale can vary quite a bit, depending on how messy the situation is. For a relatively straightforward case where the only real issue is a simple lack of cooperation, you might get a court decision for substitute consent (vervangende toestemming) within three to six months.

However, if the dispute is tangled up with other issues, the process will naturally take longer. Things like major disagreements over the property's value, arguments about shared debts tied to the house, or other complex financial entanglements can easily stretch the timeline to a year or more. This is a big reason why we always advise trying negotiation and mediation first—it’s often the quickest and most cost-effective way forward.

Who Pays the Legal Fees for a Forced Sale?

In the Netherlands, the general rule is that each party covers their own legal costs. You pay for your lawyer, and your ex pays for theirs.

That said, the court does have some flexibility here. Costs that are directly related to the sale itself—like the fees for a court-appointed appraiser or the estate agent—are usually considered shared expenses. A judge will often order these to be paid straight from the sale proceeds before any profit is divided up.

Furthermore, if one person's behaviour has been exceptionally unreasonable, deliberately causing delays and racking up unnecessary legal bills for the other, the judge has the power to order the uncooperative party to pay a portion of the other’s legal fees as well.