Co-parenting in the Netherlands: shared custody in practice

Co-parenting in the Netherlands rests on three legal building blocks: parental authority (gezag), which decides who may take the important decisions; the child’s main residence (hoofdverblijfplaats), which fixes the everyday base; and the care or contact arrangement (zorgregeling or omgangsregeling), which divides the time. If you share authority and separate, you must record these in a parenting plan (ouderschapsplan). If you cannot agree, either of you can put the dispute to the court under article 1:253a of the Dutch Civil Code (Burgerlijk Wetboek, BW), and the court decides in the interests of the child.

This article explains how those building blocks work in practice. We cover who holds authority and how it is acquired, what a parenting plan must contain, how residence and care are divided, and how child maintenance is calculated and collected. We then look at what to do when circumstances change, and at the rules for holidays, travel and moving house. Most co-parenting disputes are not lost on principle. They are lost on paperwork, missed deadlines and decisions one parent took alone.

What does co-parenting mean under Dutch law?

Co-parenting is not a legal category in the Netherlands. There is no statutory definition of co-parenting (co-ouderschap) and no rule that time must be split fifty-fifty.

What the law does regulate is narrower and more useful. It answers four questions: who holds parental authority, where the child has its main residence, how care and contact are divided, and who contributes what to the cost of the child. Everything separated parents call co-parenting is a way of filling in those four questions.

Two principles run through all of it. First, any arrangement is judged by the interests of the child, not by the convenience of the parents. Second, both parents keep a duty to promote the bond between the child and the other parent, laid down in article 1:247 paragraph 3 BW. That duty has practical bite. If you obstruct contact, or use the child as a messenger, you weaken your own position in any later procedure.

A third point is often overlooked. From the age of twelve, a child must be given the opportunity to be heard by the court in proceedings about authority, residence, contact and maintenance (article 809 of the Code of Civil Procedure, Wetboek van Burgerlijke Rechtsvordering, Rv). The court can also hear younger children. Where the interests of the child and those of the parents genuinely conflict, the court can appoint a special representative for the child (bijzondere curator) under article 1:250 BW.

Who holds parental authority, and who decides what?

Parental authority is the power to take the decisions that matter for your child. Married parents and registered partners hold it jointly by law; unmarried parents generally hold it jointly if the partner acknowledged the child on or after 1 January 2023.

Authority covers the care and upbringing of the child, the management of the child’s property and legal representation. In practice it means the power to decide on school choice, non-routine medical treatment, registration with a general practitioner (GP), applying for a passport, and where the child lives.

How authority arises depends on your relationship. Married parents and registered partners hold joint authority automatically. For unmarried parents the position changed on 1 January 2023. Since that date, a partner who acknowledges the child (erkenning) acquires joint parental authority together with the mother by operation of law, provided the acknowledgement takes place on or after that date. Acknowledgements made before 1 January 2023 do not create authority retrospectively. Parents in that position still need a joint registration in the central authority register (gezagsregister) or, if they cannot agree, a court decision.

Divorce or separation does not change authority. Joint authority simply continues after the relationship ends, and major decisions still require both of you. Sole authority is the exception. The court only awards it where joint authority creates an unacceptable risk that the child will become trapped between the parents, and where no alternative would bring sufficient improvement. That threshold is high. Ordinary friction after a separation does not meet it.

It helps to write down the everyday division explicitly. Day-to-day decisions belong to the parent the child is staying with at that moment: bedtimes, homework, a visit to the GP for a sore throat. Decisions that reach beyond the day belong to both of you. Naming these categories in advance is the most effective way to avoid the accusation that you decided alone. Our overview of parental authority issues sets out the procedural routes when agreement proves impossible.

What must a parenting plan contain?

A parenting plan is compulsory, and the law prescribes its minimum content. It must at least cover the division of care and upbringing, how you will inform and consult each other, and the costs of raising the child.

If you are married or registered partners with minor children under your joint authority and you petition for divorce, article 815 paragraph 2 Rv requires you to file a parenting plan with the petition. Unmarried parents who share authority and end their relationship have a comparable obligation under article 1:247a BW. A petition filed without a plan, and without a proper explanation of why one could not reasonably be made, risks being declared inadmissible.

The statutory minimum is short and specific. Article 815 paragraph 3 Rv requires agreements on:

• the division of care and upbringing tasks, or the contact arrangement;
• how the parents will inform and consult each other about important matters concerning the child and the child’s property;
• the costs of the care and upbringing of the child.

The petition must also state how the children were involved in drawing up the plan. That is why courts expect more than a signature on a template.

Beyond the minimum, the plans that hold up are the concrete ones. A workable parenting plan (ouderschapsplan) does the following:

• names the weekly rota by day and time;
• states the handover location and who does the driving;
• allocates school holidays and public holidays per year;
• fixes a notice period for swaps;
• records the agreed channel for consent requests and a response time;
• lists which costs are shared and in what proportion;
• states that you will try mediation before either of you applies to court.

It should also set a review moment. A plan written when a child is four will not fit that child at eleven.

The plan itself is a contract between the parents. It becomes enforceable in the stronger sense once the court incorporates it in the divorce decree or in a separate order. That is standard practice on divorce, and worth arranging deliberately if you were never married. Without it, enforcement means first obtaining a court decision, which costs time exactly when time is short.

Where does the child live, and how is care divided?

The main residence is an administrative address; it does not decide how much time the child spends with each parent. Time is divided through the care arrangement (with joint authority) or the contact arrangement (where one parent has sole authority).

The hoofdverblijfplaats is the address at which the child is registered in the municipal personal records database (Basisregistratie Personen, BRP). It is an administrative anchor with real consequences. It determines the municipality of registration, drives school registration, and governs which parent receives child benefit (kinderbijslag) and the child-related budget (kindgebonden budget). It does not make the parent at that address the more important one.

The division of time is a separate question. Between parents with joint authority it is governed by the care arrangement (zorgregeling). Where one parent has authority alone, it is governed by the contact arrangement of article 1:377a BW. The starting point of that article is that the child and the parent without authority both have a right to contact with each other. The court refuses or limits contact only on the narrow grounds listed there. Examples are serious harm to the child’s mental or physical development, or a child of twelve or older who objects for serious reasons.

There is no legal template for the rota. Alternating weeks, a five-two-two-five pattern, long weekends and midweek evenings all occur. The right choice depends on the age of the child, the distance between the homes and both parents’ working patterns. What matters legally is that the arrangement is workable, predictable and actually observed. If you repeatedly return the child late, or cancel contact on your own, you create a record that is very hard to explain away later.

Handovers deserve a rule of their own. Agree that the parent whose time is ending brings the child, rather than the other parent collecting. That removes the doorstep confrontation that turns transitions into flashpoints. Where tension is real, a neutral handover point such as the school or a day-care centre works better than either home. Our article on communication during a divorce with children goes into the practical side, and Dutch custody law covers the legal framework in more depth.

How is child maintenance calculated and collected?

Both parents contribute to the cost of raising the child, in proportion to their means. The amount follows the judiciary’s maintenance guidelines, and unpaid maintenance can be collected by the LBIO.

The obligation runs until the child turns eighteen and then continues in a modified form. For young adults between eighteen and twenty-one, article 1:395a BW imposes a maintenance duty on the parents without the child having to prove need in the ordinary way. From twenty-one onwards, maintenance is owed only if the child genuinely cannot provide for themselves.

The amount is not fixed by statute. Dutch courts apply the maintenance guidelines of the expert group on maintenance standards of the judiciary, generally known as the Tremanormen. Those guidelines work in two steps:

1. First the child’s need is established, using tables based on family expenditure research and the net family income before the separation.
2. Then each parent’s capacity to pay is calculated from net income, with a fixed allowance for basic living costs. The need is divided between the parents in proportion to that capacity, with a reduction for the care the paying parent provides in person.

The guidelines are not law, and the court can depart from them. A proposal that ignores them entirely, however, rarely survives.

Two practical points cause most arguments. The first is indexation. Maintenance fixed by court order or in an agreement is adjusted by law on 1 January each year, by a percentage set in advance by the Minister of Justice and Security. If you forget this, you build up arrears without noticing. The second is collection. If payment is not made, the National Maintenance Collection Agency (Landelijk Bureau Inning Onderhoudsbijdragen, LBIO) can take over collection at no cost to the receiving parent. This requires an enforceable title and arrears that meet its conditions. The LBIO charges the paying parent a surcharge on top of the amount due, which makes non-payment expensive rather than merely awkward.

Shared extras are separate from maintenance, and your parenting plan should treat them that way. Sports fees, school trips, orthodontics, glasses and childcare are the usual examples. A workable formula has four parts: a named list of categories, a split percentage, a threshold above which written consent is needed before the cost is incurred, and a fixed window for sending the receipt. Pay by bank transfer with a clear reference rather than in cash, so that every payment becomes evidence. Our article on when a maintenance obligation ends covers the duration question in detail.

What if the arrangement needs to change?

Keep to the current arrangement while you discuss a change. Try to agree first, if necessary with a mediator; if that fails, either parent with joint authority can ask the court to decide.

Arrangements age. A new job, a new school, a move, a new partner or simply a child growing older can make a workable rota unworkable. The rule while a change is being discussed is uncomfortable but firm: what is in force stays in force. If you stop complying because you find the arrangement unfair, you are not exercising a right. You are creating a breach the other parent can act on.

The first route is agreement, if necessary with a mediator. Mediation is faster and cheaper than a court procedure. It results in an addendum that both of you sign and that can be submitted to the court for incorporation in an order.

If you cannot agree, article 1:253a BW gives either parent with joint authority the right to submit the dispute to the district court (rechtbank). The provision is broad. It covers the division of care, the main residence, information and consultation, and any other dispute about exercising joint authority. The court decides as it considers to be in the child’s interests. It can set a specific arrangement itself, rather than only ruling on the proposal in front of it. You need a lawyer for these proceedings.

How is an arrangement enforced?

Enforcement works in steps, from a penalty payment to, in serious cases, a handover with police assistance. Courts use the heavier measures sparingly because they affect the child directly.

If an order or an incorporated parenting plan is not observed, the interim relief judge can attach a penalty payment (dwangsom) to compliance. In serious cases the court can order that the child be handed over with the assistance of the police, or order committal. Where the underlying problem is the child’s development rather than a parent’s obstruction, a different route may fit better. That is a referral to the Child Care and Protection Board (Raad voor de Kinderbescherming) and, as a last resort, a family supervision order (ondertoezichtstelling) under article 1:255 BW.

Two things decide how these procedures go. The first is the paper trail. Dated emails, a shared calendar, bank transfers with references and a log of missed or late handovers carry far more weight than memory. The second is tone. Messages written in anger are read out in court. A parent who kept every message businesslike and focused on the child rarely regrets it.

How should you handle holidays and travel abroad?

Allocate holidays a year ahead in writing. If you share authority, travel abroad with the child requires the consent of both parents.

Alternate the fixed dates that matter and set a deadline by which each of you states a preference. The detail that prevents most arguments is the notice period. Agree that holiday plans are exchanged before a set date each year, and that swaps are requested a set number of weeks in advance. That removes the last-minute pressure that makes agreement impossible.

Dutch border officials and airlines regularly ask a parent travelling alone with a child for written consent from the other parent. The Royal Netherlands Marechaussee (Koninklijke Marechaussee) publishes a standard consent form for this purpose. Carry it together with copies of both parents’ identity documents. A child needs its own passport or identity card, and applying for one requires the consent of both holders of authority. If the other parent refuses consent without good reason, you can ask the court for substitute consent.

Can you move house with your child?

Not on your own if you share authority. If the other parent does not agree, you need the court’s permission under article 1:253a BW before you move, within the Netherlands or abroad.

Relocation is the hardest case. A parent with joint authority may not move the child’s residence unilaterally, not within the Netherlands and certainly not abroad. The court weighs all the circumstances, including:

• the necessity of the move, and how well it has been thought through;
• whether alternatives were considered;
• whether the moving parent offers compensating arrangements for contact;
• the age of the child and the child’s own view;
• the distance and the practical burden of travel;
• the financial consequences;
• the extent to which contact with the other parent can genuinely be maintained.

No single factor decides. The moving parent’s right to organise their own life is one factor among many, not a trump card.

Moving abroad with a child without the required consent or court permission is not a family law irregularity. It is international child abduction. Requests for return under the 1980 Hague Child Abduction Convention are handled centrally by the district court in The Hague. Withdrawing a minor from lawful authority is also a criminal offence under article 279 of the Dutch Criminal Code (Wetboek van Strafrecht). If you are considering a move abroad, or facing one, take advice before anything is booked, not after. The same applies to longer trips abroad that cut into the other parent’s time.

What should you do next?

Start by checking who holds authority, then put the arrangement on paper and have it incorporated in a court order where you can.

The practical sequence is straightforward:

1. Establish whether you both hold parental authority. If the acknowledgement dates from before 2023, check the authority register rather than assuming.
2. Put the arrangement on paper: rota, handovers, holidays, consent categories, information sharing, costs and a review moment.
3. Have the plan incorporated in a court order where you can. An incorporated plan can be enforced; a private one first has to be litigated.
4. Set up a shared calendar and a single written channel, and keep payments traceable.

If the arrangement is already in dispute, focus on the steps rather than the emotion. Keep complying with what is in force. Put your proposal in writing with two or three workable options, propose mediation, and preserve the evidence of what actually happened. If that fails, you can apply to the court under article 1:253a BW without the other parent’s cooperation.

We advise parents on parenting plans, authority, residence, care arrangements, child maintenance, relocation and cross-border cases, and represent them before the district court when agreement is out of reach. More background is available from our family law team, in our family law guide and in our overview of contested divorce proceedings.

In summary

• Dutch law does not define co-parenting; it regulates authority, main residence, the care or contact arrangement and the cost of the child.
• Separating parents with joint authority must make a parenting plan covering at least care, information and consultation, and costs (article 815 Rv and article 1:247a BW).
• Joint authority continues after separation; sole authority is only awarded when the child risks becoming trapped between the parents.
• Child maintenance follows the Tremanormen, is indexed every 1 January and can be collected by the LBIO.
• Keep to the current arrangement while you negotiate; moving house or abroad without consent or court permission can amount to child abduction.

Frequently asked questions

Does co-parenting mean a fifty-fifty split of time?

No. Dutch law has no rule that time must be divided equally. The court looks at what is workable and in the child’s interests, taking into account the child’s age, the distance between the homes and both parents’ working patterns.

Do I automatically have authority if I acknowledged my child?

Only if the acknowledgement took place on or after 1 January 2023. For an earlier acknowledgement, joint authority requires registration in the authority register or a court decision.

Can I travel abroad on holiday with my child without the other parent’s consent?

Not if you share authority. You need the other parent’s consent, preferably on the Marechaussee consent form. If consent is refused without good reason, you can ask the court for substitute consent.

What happens if the other parent stops paying child maintenance?

With an enforceable title, such as a court order, the LBIO can collect the arrears for you at no cost to you. The paying parent is charged a surcharge on top of the amount due.

Unsure where you stand? Tell us about your situation. We will let you know your options within one working day.