A high-conflict divorce (vechtscheiding) is one in which the parents can no longer agree on anything and the conflict itself starts to harm the children. The court can decide the concrete questions, such as where the children live and the contact arrangement under Article 1:253a of the Dutch Civil Code (Burgerlijk Wetboek, BW), but it cannot end the conflict itself.
Knowing what each instrument achieves helps you set realistic expectations and choose your steps.
What can the court decide?
The court settles the questions the parents cannot settle themselves. Under Article 1:253a BW, a parent with joint parental authority can ask the court to decide a dispute, or to set an arrangement for the child’s main residence, the division of care and the exchange of information.
In the divorce proceedings the court also decides on child and partner maintenance, the division of assets and pensions, and who may use the family home. Interim provisions (voorlopige voorzieningen) can regulate these matters while the main proceedings are still running.
If a parent does not comply with an arrangement, the other parent can ask the court to attach a penalty payment (dwangsom) to each breach. The court does not do this automatically; you must request it. Persistent non-compliance can also weigh in a later decision on residence or parental authority.
Which instruments address the conflict itself?
Three are used regularly. The court can refer the parents to mediation, which works better early than after months of litigation.
The court can appoint a special representative for the child (bijzondere curator) under Article 1:250 BW where the child’s interests conflict with those of the parents. It can also ask the Child Care and Protection Board (Raad voor de Kinderbescherming) to investigate and advise on the arrangement.
Where a child’s development is seriously at risk, the juvenile court can order supervision by a certified institution (ondertoezichtstelling, Article 1:255 BW) and, in extreme cases, removal from the home (uithuisplaatsing, Article 1:265b BW). These are far-reaching measures, and parents facing them should get advice quickly.
What can the law not do?
No court order can make a parent cooperate in good faith, restore trust, or undo the effect of years of conflict on the children. A penalty payment enforces a schedule; it does not change behaviour.
That is why the Child Care and Protection Board and the courts push mediation and parallel parenting arrangements so strongly in these cases.
How does parallel parenting work?
The arrangement is made so detailed that the parents hardly need to consult each other. It fixes the schedule, the holidays, the handover points and the times, and limits communication to written messages about practical matters.
The court can lay down such an arrangement under Article 1:253a BW. For many families it is what gives the children a settled life with both parents.
What should you do in practice?
Keep a factual record rather than an emotional one: dates, messages and what was actually agreed carry weight with the court and the Child Care and Protection Board.
Keep the children out of the dispute and out of the correspondence; a parent who involves them damages their own position as well as the children’s wellbeing. And keep the issues separate: maintenance, contact and the division of assets are decided on different legal grounds, and combining them in one negotiation often makes agreement impossible.
What can we do for you with a high-conflict divorce?
Our family lawyers act in high-conflict divorces and child protection proceedings; see also our divorce lawyer page.
- We request interim provisions for residence, contact, maintenance and use of the home.
- We draft a detailed parallel parenting arrangement and ask the court to lay it down.
- We apply for enforcement with a penalty payment when an arrangement is not honoured.
- We request the appointment of a special representative for your child where needed.
- We assist you in proceedings about supervision or removal from the home.
- We tell you honestly where a case can still be settled through mediation.
Summary
- The court settles concrete questions such as residence, contact, maintenance and division of assets; it does not resolve the underlying conflict.
- A special representative (Article 1:250 BW) or the Child Care and Protection Board can be involved where the child’s interests are at stake.
- An arrangement can be enforced with a penalty payment, but only if you ask the court for it.
- Where a child’s development is seriously at risk, supervision (Article 1:255 BW) or removal from the home (Article 1:265b BW) can follow.
- Parallel parenting and a factual record usually achieve more than further litigation.
Frequently asked questions
Can the court force the other parent to stick to the contact arrangement?
The court can attach a penalty payment (dwangsom) to each breach if you request it. Persistent non-compliance can also play a role in a later decision on residence or parental authority.
When does the Child Care and Protection Board become involved?
The court can ask the Board to investigate and advise when the parents cannot agree on arrangements for the children, or when there are concerns about a child’s development.
Does a high-conflict divorce mean one parent loses parental authority?
Not automatically. Joint authority remains the starting point after divorce. The court only ends it in exceptional cases, for example where the child is caught between the parents in an unacceptable way.
