Withholding contact with a child: when is it allowed?

A parent may not unilaterally stop contact that was agreed in a parenting plan (ouderschapsplan) or fixed by a court. The only exception is a genuine, immediate risk to the child’s safety, and even then you must go to court promptly to have the arrangement formally changed.

Dutch law starts from the principle that a child has a right to contact with both parents, and that each parent must support that contact rather than obstruct it. Only a court can deny contact, and under Article 1:377a(3) of the Dutch Civil Code (BW) only on four limited grounds.

When can the court deny contact?

The court denies contact only if it would seriously harm the child’s mental or physical development, the parent is clearly unfit or unable to have contact, a child aged 12 or older has expressed serious objections when heard, or contact otherwise conflicts with weighty interests of the child (Article 1:377a(3) BW). A denial is temporary: the parent can ask the court again after a year, or sooner if circumstances change.

Doubts about the other parent’s parenting or a conflict between the parents are not enough on their own. These questions are decided by the court, often after advice from the Child Care and Protection Board (Raad voor de Kinderbescherming).

When can withholding contact be justified?

Only a credible, serious risk to the child’s physical or emotional safety justifies acting immediately, for example abuse, serious neglect or a parent who is visibly unfit to take over care at handover, such as under the influence of alcohol. Even then, acting first is only defensible if you quickly apply to the court, if necessary in summary proceedings (kort geding).

What does not justify withholding contact?

A dispute about child maintenance, a new partner, disagreement over parenting style or a child saying they would rather not go are not valid reasons on their own. Child maintenance and contact are separate obligations: unpaid maintenance can be collected by the National Maintenance Collection Agency (LBIO), but it does not entitle you to suspend contact.

As a child gets older, their wishes carry more weight, and a child aged 12 or older is heard by the court. It is still the court that weighs those wishes, not either parent; a parent who acts on a child’s reluctance without a court decision risks being seen as having influenced it.

What can the other parent do if contact is withheld?

The parent denied contact can ask the court to enforce the existing arrangement. The court can order compliance with a penalty payment (dwangsom) for each missed occasion and, in extreme cases, allow enforcement with the assistance of the authorities, which courts use only reluctantly in family cases.

Courts also have tools aimed at the underlying conflict: a referral to mediation, the appointment of a special representative (bijzondere curator) for the child, or an investigation by the Child Care and Protection Board. Persistent obstruction can ultimately affect parental authority or the child’s main residence, a heavier consequence than a penalty payment.

How do you change a contact arrangement properly?

You change an arrangement by written agreement between the parents or, if you cannot agree, by an application to the court. Under Article 1:377e BW the court can change a contact decision if circumstances have changed or the decision was based on incorrect or incomplete information.

Typical reasons are a move, a change of school or a new work pattern. Where the situation is urgent, interim measures can be obtained in summary proceedings within days or weeks rather than months.

What should you check as the parent who has the child?

• Whether there is a concrete safety risk, and what evidence you have of it, such as reports from a doctor, school or Veilig Thuis.
• What the parenting plan or court decision says about handovers, holidays and changes.
• Whether you have proposed an alternative, such as supervised contact, before stopping contact.
• Whether you have applied to the court promptly after acting to protect the child.
• That you keep encouraging contact if your child is reluctant.

What should you check as the parent who is denied contact?

• The exact wording of the parenting plan or court decision, and whether it contains a penalty clause.
• A record of each missed occasion, with dates and messages.
• Whether you have offered a conversation or mediation in writing.
• Whether you need an enforcement order or a change to the arrangement.

What can we do for you with a contact dispute?

We act for both mothers and fathers in contact and care disputes; more about our work is on our family lawyer page.

• We assess whether withholding contact is justified in your situation.
• We apply to the court to enforce the arrangement with a penalty payment.
• We file an application to change the arrangement under Article 1:377e BW.
• We start summary proceedings when the child’s safety is at stake.
• We guide you through an investigation by the Child Care and Protection Board.

Summary

• A parenting plan or court-ordered arrangement binds both parents; only a genuine safety risk justifies acting first.
• Only the court can deny contact, on the four grounds of Article 1:377a(3) BW.
• Disagreement, a new partner, unpaid maintenance or a child’s passing reluctance are not valid grounds to withhold contact.
• The other parent can ask the court to enforce the arrangement, including with a penalty payment per missed occasion.
• To change an arrangement, agree in writing or apply to the court (Article 1:377e BW); urgent cases go through summary proceedings.

Frequently asked questions