A contact arrangement recorded in a parenting plan or in a court decision is binding on both parents. A parent who unilaterally stops contact is in breach of it, and the fact that they believe the other parent is unsuitable is not in itself a justification. The rule that governs almost every case in this area is that objections to the other parent are dealt with through the court, not by withholding the child.
Dutch law starts from the position that a child has a right to contact with both parents, and that a parent has a duty to promote it. Only a serious risk to the child’s physical or emotional safety displaces that starting point, and even then the answer is usually a supervised or modified arrangement rather than no contact at all.
Situations that do and do not justify withholding contact
Genuine safety concerns – a credible risk of abuse, serious neglect, a parent who is unable to care for the child through intoxication at handover – can justify acting immediately, but they require the parent to go to court promptly afterwards to have the arrangement changed. Acting first and applying later is defensible; acting and then doing nothing is not.
What does not justify withholding contact: a dispute about maintenance, a new partner, disagreement about parenting style, the child saying they would rather not go, or a parent’s own distress about the separation. A child’s reluctance is taken seriously as the child gets older, but it is assessed by the court, and a parent who simply acts on it is often found to have influenced it.
What the other parent can do
Where contact is being withheld, the arrangement can be enforced. The court can order compliance, attach a penalty payment to each occasion on which the arrangement is not honoured, and in extreme cases order enforcement with the assistance of the authorities, although courts are reluctant to use force in family matters.
Courts also have tools aimed at the underlying problem rather than at compliance: referral to mediation, the appointment of a special representative for the child, and an investigation into the parenting situation. In persistent cases, a pattern of obstruction can affect where the child lives and how authority is exercised, which is a considerably heavier consequence than a penalty payment.
Changing the arrangement properly
If an arrangement no longer works – a move, a change of school, a new work pattern, a child who has grown out of the schedule – the route is agreement in writing, or an application to the court to vary it. Where matters are urgent, interim relief can be obtained in summary proceedings within days.
Frequently asked questions
My child refuses to go. Am I obliged to send them?
You are obliged to comply with the arrangement and to actively encourage contact. Where a child persistently refuses, that is a reason to seek advice and if necessary to apply to vary the arrangement, not a reason to stop unilaterally.
Can I withhold contact if maintenance is not paid?
No. The two obligations are independent, and non-payment is enforced separately.
What if the other parent is a danger to the child?
Act to protect the child and go to court immediately afterwards, with what evidence you have. Interim relief can be obtained quickly, and acting through the court is what protects your position as well as the child’s.
Advice
These situations escalate quickly, and the parent who goes to court with a record and a proposal is generally in a far better position than the one who acts alone. Our family lawyers advise and act on both sides of contact disputes. Tell us about your situation. We will let you know your options within one working day.
