When parents divorce or separate, the question of visitation arrangements is often one of the most emotionally charged topics. Parents have their own wishes and ideas, but what is the role of the child itself? From what age does a child’s opinion count? And can a child refuse visitation or even enforce it?
In this blog, we explain when and how the child’s wishes are legally relevant in visitation arrangements in the Netherlands.
The legal framework: the child’s best interest is paramount
Article 1:253a of the Dutch Civil Code (BW) stipulates that when determining a visitation arrangement, the court must act in the best interest of the child. This means the court does not automatically follow the parents’ wishes but considers what is best for the child.
Dutch law grants the child an explicit right to contact with both parents and others with whom they have a close personal bond. The court establishes a visitation arrangement upon request, with the child’s best interest always being central.
The child’s best interest includes several factors:
- The child’s bond with both parents;
- The child’s wishes, taking into account their age and level of maturity;
- The consequences for the child of a change in their living situation;
- The capacity of the parents to care for and raise the child.
The child’s wishes are thus explicitly part of the assessment, but are not the only criterion. The Supreme Court emphasizes that the child’s best interest is always decisive, and that visitation can only be denied if there is serious harm to the child’s development or weighty interests are at stake (ECLI:NL:HR:2014:91; ECLI:NL:HR:2007:BA6246).
From what age does the child’s opinion count?
In principle, children of any age can be heard by the court or the Child Protection Board. The law does not set an absolute minimum age. However, the weight given to the child’s opinion depends on their age and maturity.
Young children (0-6 years)
For very young children, the court generally assumes they are not yet capable of forming a well-considered opinion about visitation. Their wishes are therefore rarely decisive. However, the court may consider the child’s bond with both parents and how the child reacts to visitation.
Children aged 6-12 years
From around age 6, children can often express their feelings and wishes. The court will consider this opinion but not always as decisive.
Under Article 1:377g BW, the court may hear a minor under twelve if they are deemed capable of reasonably assessing their interests. The court determines how the child is heard, for example in a child interview or through an expert.
The court will critically examine whether the child is speaking for themselves or if their opinion has been strongly influenced by the parent they live with. Loyalty conflicts are common at this age.
Children aged 12 and older
From age 12, the child has a statutory right to be heard in proceedings concerning them (Article 809 Code of Civil Procedure and Article 1:251a BW). This means the court is obliged to give the child the opportunity to express their opinion, unless this is not in the child’s best interest.
Article 1:377a BW stipulates that the court may deny the right to visitation if a child aged twelve or older has expressed serious objections to visitation during their hearing.
The opinion of a child aged 12 or older carries increasingly more weight in practice. Judges are reluctant to impose a visitation arrangement that goes completely against the explicit wishes of an older teenager.
However, this does not mean the child’s wish is always decisive. Even with teenagers, the court will investigate whether there is influence, loyalty conflicts, or temporary emotions.
How is the child heard?
The court can determine the child’s opinion in various ways:
Child interview with the judge
The judge may decide to hear the child in a child interview. This often takes place in an informal setting, without the parents present. The conversation focuses on exploring the child’s feelings and wishes, not on interrogation.
Under Article 799a of the Code of Civil Procedure, the petition must state whether and how the request was discussed with the minor and what their response was.
Child Protection Board
The court can ask the Child Protection Board (RvdK) to conduct an investigation. The RvdK speaks with the child, the parents, and often other parties such as school, GP, or family.
Under Article 810 Code of Civil Procedure, the Child Protection Board has an independent advisory role. The court considers this advice in its assessment but is not bound by it. The court remains independently responsible for the final decision.
If the court deviates from the Board’s advice, it has an enhanced duty to provide reasoning. The court must clearly and specifically state why it is not following the advice.
Expert examination
In complex cases, the court may appoint an expert (such as a psychologist or pedagogue) to examine the child. This especially occurs when there are doubts about whether the child has been influenced or when serious issues are involved.
A parent can also request additional expert examination if the Child Protection Board’s advice is unclear or insufficiently reasoned. Under Article 810a of the Code of Civil Procedure, the court must allow a parent to submit a report from an expert not appointed by the court.
Special guardian
In some cases, the court appoints a special guardian. This is an independent person (often a lawyer or pedagogue) who represents the child’s interests in the proceedings.
The special guardian is appointed under Article 1:250 BW when there is a conflict of interest between (one of) the parents and the minor. The guardian represents the child in and out of court and has the task of investigating the child’s genuine wishes, needs and interests and reporting to the court.
The court may explicitly ask the guardian to investigate whether the child’s wish actually originates from the child or is possibly the result of influence (ECLI:NL:RBZWB:2025:9312; ECLI:NL:RBGEL:2025:10080).
Can a child refuse visitation?
In principle, a child cannot simply refuse visitation. The law assumes that contact with both parents is in the child’s best interest, unless this conflicts with the child’s weighty interests (Article 1:377a paragraph 3 BW).
What are weighty interests? Consider:
- Child abuse or domestic violence;
- Serious neglect by the visiting parent;
- Abuse by the visiting parent;
- A situation where visitation seriously harms the child psychologically.
A child who repeatedly and substantively indicates that contact with a parent is harmful cannot be ignored. The court will often order an expert investigation in such cases.
If this investigation shows the child’s refusal is authentic and not the result of influence, the court may decide to limit or even terminate visitation. In practice, however, this rarely occurs.
Parental influence: how is this determined?
Case law shows that parental influence is typically determined through behavioral expert examination, Board investigation, or a special guardian. The court looks for signals such as:
- Loyalty conflicts;
- Sudden or extreme aversion to a parent without clear cause;
- Inconsistencies in the child’s account;
- The behavior of both parents (ECLI:NL:GHARL:2025:7041; ECLI:NL:RBZWB:2025:5492).
A parent can demonstrate influence by:
- Having expert examination conducted (for example through the Child Protection Board or a psychologist);
- Submitting reports or statements from the special guardian;
- Documenting behavioral changes, inconsistencies or loyalty problems in the child;
- Demonstrating that the child’s negative feelings toward the other parent are not explainable from their own experiences but are related to the conflict between the parents.
The Supreme Court emphasizes that the mere objection of the custodial parent is not sufficient; it must be shown that the child is actually caught in the middle or suffers serious harm from visitation (ECLI:NL:HR:2014:91).
Can a child enforce visitation themselves?
Yes, from age 12, a child can independently file a request with the court to establish or modify a visitation arrangement (Article 1:377a BW in conjunction with Article 798 Code of Civil Procedure). The court may also make a decision ex officio under Article 1:377g BW if a minor aged twelve or older requests this.
This means a child living with one parent who wants more contact with the other parent can go to court themselves. In practice, this rarely happens because children are often unaware of this possibility and because taking such a step can be psychologically burdensome.
An example is a child living with their mother who wants more contact with their father. If the mother refuses or obstructs this, the child can initiate proceedings themselves. The court will then investigate what is in the child’s best interest and can establish a visitation arrangement, even against the wishes of the custodial parent.
Access to the Child Protection Board’s report
Under Article 811 of the Code of Civil Procedure, parents, guardians, caregivers and children aged twelve or older have a right to inspect and receive a copy of the complete advice from the Child Protection Board.
The court may limit this right if the interest in respecting privacy or preventing disproportionate harm to third parties outweighs it. In practice, the court may remove sensitive information (such as the child’s whereabouts) from the report before providing it to the parent.
The Board’s advice can be challenged in the proceedings: parents can make substantiated objections to the content of the report and request the court for additional investigation or counter-expertise. Only cassation in the interest of the law is available against a decision to refuse access.
What if the child resists visitation?
Sometimes a child actively resists visitation. This can range from ‘not feeling like it’ to complete refusal and emotional outbursts when being picked up by the visiting parent.
In such situations, it’s important to investigate where the resistance comes from:
- Has the child been influenced by the custodial parent?
- Is there a loyalty conflict?
- Does the child have an authentic, substantiated reason for not wanting visitation?
- Are there serious issues (abuse, neglect)?
If the resistance proves authentic and stems from genuine fear or negative experience, the court may decide to adjust visitation. This could mean supervised visitation temporarily, reduced frequency, or temporary suspension of visitation.
If, on the other hand, it appears the child is being influenced, the court may take stricter action. In extreme cases, this could even lead to a change in primary residence: the child would then live with the other parent.
Practical tips for parents
As a parent, you can best do the following:
- Listen to your child, but don’t burden them with the choice. Don’t say: ‘You can choose who you want to live with’ or ‘Do you actually want to go to dad/mom?’
- Don’t speak negatively about the other parent in the child’s presence. This increases loyalty conflicts.
- Encourage visitation, even if you have conflicts with the other parent. Visitation is about the bond between the child and the other parent, not your relationship with that parent.
- If your child indicates they don’t feel comfortable with the other parent, take this seriously but don’t immediately start a fight. First try to discuss with the other parent.
- Seek professional help if necessary, such as a mediator, youth worker, or family therapist.
- If your child is 12 or older and clearly indicates wanting to be heard, respect this. The child has the statutory right to express their opinion.
Conclusion
The child’s wishes play an important role in establishing a visitation arrangement but are not the only criterion. The court weighs the child’s wishes in the overall assessment, also considering the child’s age, maturity, and possible influence.
Children aged 12 and older have a statutory right to be heard and can even initiate proceedings independently. However, the court always examines whether the child’s wish aligns with the child’s long-term best interest.
In case law, the child’s wish is carefully weighed but is not automatically decisive. Factors such as age, loyalty conflicts, parental influence and the child’s emotional state play a major role.
For parents, it’s important to take the child’s opinion seriously while realizing that a child should not bear full responsibility for such a significant decision. When in doubt or conflict, it’s wise to seek professional guidance.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
From what age must the court hear a child?
Children aged 12 and older have the statutory right to be heard (Article 809 Code of Civil Procedure). For children under 12, the court has discretionary authority: it may decide to hear the child if they are deemed capable of reasonably assessing their interests (Article 1:377g BW).
Can a parent object to hearing a child under 12?
Yes, a parent can object if hearing is not in the child’s best interest, for example in case of loyalty conflicts or if the child is caught between the parents. The court will assess the objection in light of the child’s best interest but is not obliged to reject the objection with reasoning unless there are special circumstances.
Is the court bound by the Child Protection Board’s advice?
No, the court is not bound by the Board’s advice. The Board has an independent advisory role and is considered an expert, but the court remains independently responsible for the decision. If the court deviates from the advice, it must provide reasoned justification.
Can I as a parent engage my own expert?
Yes, under Article 810a Code of Civil Procedure, the court must allow a parent to submit a report from an expert not appointed by the court, provided this report may contribute to the decision and the child’s best interest does not preclude it. You can also request additional expert examination if the Board’s advice is unclear or insufficient.
What is a special guardian and when are they appointed?
A special guardian is an independent person who represents the child’s interests in the proceedings. The court may appoint one under Article 1:250 BW when there is a conflict of interest between (one of) the parents and the child. The guardian investigates the child’s genuine wishes and reports to the court.
Can my 12-year-old child go to court themselves?
Yes, a child aged 12 or older can independently file a request with the court to establish or modify a visitation arrangement (Article 1:377a BW in conjunction with Article 798 Code of Civil Procedure). In practice, this rarely happens because children are often unaware of this possibility.
Do I as a parent have a right to inspect the Board’s report?
Yes, under Article 811 Code of Civil Procedure, parents have a right to full inspection of the Board’s report in principle. The court may only limit this right if privacy interests or preventing disproportionate harm outweigh it. Only cassation in the interest of the law is available against a refusal of access.
What should I do if I think my child has been influenced by the other parent?
You can request the court to have expert examination conducted. Document behavioral changes and inconsistencies in the child. The court can engage a psychologist or the Child Protection Board to investigate whether there is influence. A special guardian can also be appointed.
Can the court impose visitation if my child categorically refuses?
That depends on the child’s age and the reason for refusal. For older teenagers (16+) who categorically refuse, judges are reluctant to impose visitation. For younger children, the court will investigate whether the refusal is authentic or the result of influence. Visitation can only be denied for weighty interests (Article 1:377a paragraph 3 BW).
What remedies do I have if I disagree with the decision?
You can file an appeal against a visitation decision with the Court of Appeal (Article 806 Code of Civil Procedure). If you disagree with the Court of Appeal’s reasoning, cassation is available with the Supreme Court (Article 398 Code of Civil Procedure). Note: no ordinary remedy is available against a refusal of access to the Board’s report, only cassation in the interest of the law.
