The child’s wishes in visitation arrangements: when does your child have a say?

A child in the Netherlands has no age at which its wish decides a contact arrangement, but from twelve the court must give the child the opportunity to be heard (art. 809 of the Code of Civil Procedure, Rv), and from that age serious objections raised at the hearing are a statutory ground for refusing contact (art. 1:377a lid 3 of the Civil Code, BW). Younger children can be heard too, and can ask the court to decide of its own motion. In every case the wish is one factor within the best interests of the child, weighed against the child age, maturity and any parental influence.

This article sets out when the wish of a child carries legal weight in a contact arrangement, how the court establishes what that wish really is, and what a parent can do when a child resists contact or is being steered towards resisting it.

The legal framework: the child’s best interest is paramount

Article 1:253a of the Dutch Civil Code (BW) stipulates that when determining a visitation arrangement, the court must act in the best interest of the child. This means the court does not automatically follow the parents’ wishes but considers what is best for the child.

Dutch law grants the child an explicit right to contact with both parents and others with whom they have a close personal bond. The court establishes a visitation arrangement upon request, with the child’s best interest always being central.

The child’s best interest includes several factors:

• The child’s bond with both parents;
• The child’s wishes, taking into account their age and level of maturity;
• The consequences for the child of a change in their living situation;
• The capacity of the parents to care for and raise the child.

The child’s wishes are thus explicitly part of the assessment, but are not the only criterion. The Supreme Court emphasises that the child’s best interest is always decisive, and that contact may only be refused where it would seriously harm the development of the child or otherwise conflict with weighty interests of the child, and that the objection of the resident parent is by itself not enough (ECLI:NL:HR:2014:91). The court is also expected to make a genuine effort to bring contact about before it refuses it.

From what age does the child’s opinion count?

In principle, children of any age can be heard by the court or the Child Protection Board, and the law sets no absolute minimum age. However, the weight given to the child’s opinion depends on their age and maturity.

Young children (0-6 years)

For very young children, the court generally assumes they are not yet capable of forming a well-considered opinion about visitation. Their wishes are therefore rarely decisive. However, the court may consider the child’s bond with both parents and how the child reacts to visitation.

Children aged 6-12 years

From around age 6, children can often express their feelings and wishes. The court will consider this opinion but not always as decisive.

Article 809 Rv allows the court to give a child under twelve the opportunity to make its views known in whatever way the court considers appropriate, for example in a conversation with the judge or through an expert. There is no obligation to do so at this age, and the court decides case by case whether it is useful and whether it would place the child under pressure.

The court will critically examine whether the child is speaking for themselves or if their opinion has been strongly influenced by the parent they live with. Loyalty conflicts are common at this age.

Children aged 12 and older

From twelve, the child must be given the opportunity to be heard in proceedings that concern it (art. 809 Rv). The obligation is to offer the opportunity, not to compel the child to use it: a child who prefers to say nothing is free to do so, and the court records that the opportunity was given.

Article 1:377a BW stipulates that the court may deny the right to visitation if a child aged twelve or older has expressed serious objections to visitation during their hearing.

The opinion of a child aged 12 or older carries increasingly more weight in practice. Judges are reluctant to impose a visitation arrangement that goes completely against the explicit wishes of an older teenager.

However, this does not mean the child’s wish is always decisive. Even with teenagers, the court will investigate whether there is influence, loyalty conflicts, or temporary emotions.

How is the child heard?

The court can determine the child’s opinion in various ways:

Child interview with the judge

The judge may decide to hear the child in a child interview. This often takes place in an informal setting, without the parents present. The conversation focuses on exploring the child’s feelings and wishes, not on interrogation.

Under Article 799a of the Code of Civil Procedure, the petition must state whether and how the request was discussed with the minor and what their response was.

Child Protection Board

The court can ask the Child Protection Board (RvdK) to conduct an investigation. The RvdK speaks with the child, the parents, and often other parties such as school, GP, or family.

Under Article 810 Code of Civil Procedure, the Child Protection Board has an independent advisory role. The court considers this advice in its assessment but is not bound by it. The court remains independently responsible for the final decision.

If the court deviates from the Board’s advice, it has an enhanced duty to provide reasoning. The court must clearly and specifically state why it is not following the advice.

Expert examination

In complex cases, the court may appoint an expert (such as a psychologist or pedagogue) to examine the child. This especially occurs when there are doubts about whether the child has been influenced or when serious issues are involved.

A parent can also request additional expert examination if the Child Protection Board’s advice is unclear or insufficiently reasoned. Under Article 810a of the Code of Civil Procedure, the court must allow a parent to submit a report from an expert not appointed by the court.

Special guardian

In some cases, the court appoints a special guardian. This is an independent person (often a lawyer or pedagogue) who represents the child’s interests in the proceedings.

The special guardian is appointed under Article 1:250 BW when there is a conflict of interest between (one of) the parents and the minor. The guardian represents the child in and out of court and has the task of investigating the child’s genuine wishes, needs and interests and reporting to the court.

The court may explicitly ask the guardian to investigate whether the child’s wish actually originates from the child or is possibly the result of influence (ECLI:NL:RBZWB:2025:9312; ECLI:NL:RBGEL:2025:10080).

Can a child refuse visitation?

In principle a child cannot simply refuse contact. The law assumes that contact with both parents serves the interests of the child, unless one of the grounds in art. 1:377a lid 3 BW applies. We set those grounds out in detail in our article on when child contact arrangements can be restricted.

What are weighty interests? Consider:

• Child abuse or domestic violence;
• Serious neglect by the visiting parent;
• Abuse by the visiting parent;
• A situation where visitation seriously harms the child psychologically.

A child who repeatedly and substantively indicates that contact with a parent is harmful cannot be ignored. The court will often order an expert investigation in such cases.

If this investigation shows the child’s refusal is authentic and not the result of influence, the court may decide to limit or even terminate visitation. In practice, however, this rarely occurs.

Parental influence: how is this determined?

Case law shows that parental influence is typically determined through behavioural expert examination, Board investigation, or a special guardian. The court looks for signals such as:

• Loyalty conflicts;
• Sudden or extreme aversion to a parent without clear cause;
• Inconsistencies in the child’s account;
• The behaviour of both parents (ECLI:NL:GHARL:2025:7041; ECLI:NL:RBZWB:2025:5492).

A parent can demonstrate influence by:

• Having expert examination conducted (for example through the Child Protection Board or a psychologist);
• Submitting reports or statements from the special guardian;
• Documenting behavioural changes, inconsistencies or loyalty problems in the child;
• Demonstrating that the child’s negative feelings toward the other parent are not explainable from their own experiences but are related to the conflict between the parents.

The Supreme Court emphasises that the mere objection of the custodial parent is not sufficient; it must be shown that the child is actually caught in the middle or suffers serious harm from visitation (ECLI:NL:HR:2014:91).

Can a child enforce visitation themselves?

Not by filing a petition of its own, because a minor has no capacity to litigate in these proceedings. The route is the informal one in art. 1:377g BW: a child can write to the court, and if the court is satisfied that the child wants this it may decide on a contact arrangement of its own motion. The article is open to children of twelve and older and to younger children who can reasonably assess their own interests, and it works in practice: in November 2025 the district court of Gelderland acted on the informal request of a ten-year-old and appointed a special guardian to investigate what the child actually wanted (ECLI:NL:RBGEL:2025:10080).

This means a child living with one parent who wants more contact with the other parent can go to court themselves. In practice, this rarely happens because children are often unaware of this possibility and because taking such a step can be psychologically burdensome.

An example is a child living with their mother who wants more contact with their father. If the mother refuses or obstructs this, the child can initiate proceedings themselves. The court will then investigate what is in the child’s best interest and can establish a visitation arrangement, even against the wishes of the custodial parent.

Access to the Child Protection Board report

Under Article 811 of the Code of Civil Procedure, parents, guardians, caregivers and children aged twelve or older have a right to inspect and receive a copy of the complete advice from the Child Protection Board.

The court may limit this right if the interest in respecting privacy or preventing disproportionate harm to third parties outweighs it. In practice, the court may remove sensitive information (such as the child’s whereabouts) from the report before providing it to the parent.

The advice can be challenged within the proceedings: a parent can put substantiated objections to the content of the report and ask the court for further investigation or a counter-expert report. A separate appeal against a procedural decision to limit access to the file is generally not open; the point has to be raised in the appeal against the final decision.

What if the child resists visitation?

Sometimes a child actively resists visitation. This can range from ‘not feeling like it’ to complete refusal and emotional outbursts when being picked up by the visiting parent.

In such situations, it’s important to investigate where the resistance comes from:

• Has the child been influenced by the custodial parent?
• Is there a loyalty conflict?
• Does the child have an authentic, substantiated reason for not wanting visitation?
• Are there serious issues (abuse, neglect)?

If the resistance proves authentic and stems from genuine fear or negative experience, the court may decide to adjust visitation. This could mean supervised visitation temporarily, reduced frequency, or temporary suspension of visitation.

If, on the other hand, it appears the child is being steered, the court may act more firmly. In extreme cases that can lead to a change in the main residence of the child, or to the involvement of the children judge through a family supervision order; we discuss that escalation in our article on when a high-conflict divorce becomes a matter for the children court.

Practical tips for parents

As a parent, you can best do the following:

• Listen to your child, but don’t burden them with the choice. Don’t say: ‘You can choose who you want to live with’ or ‘Do you actually want to go to dad/mom?’
• Don’t speak negatively about the other parent in the child’s presence. This increases loyalty conflicts.
• Encourage visitation, even if you have conflicts with the other parent. Visitation is about the bond between the child and the other parent, not your relationship with that parent.
• If your child indicates they don’t feel comfortable with the other parent, take this seriously but don’t immediately start a fight. First try to discuss with the other parent.
• Seek professional help where it is needed: a mediator, a youth worker or a family therapist. Recording the arrangement clearly in the parenting plan prevents a good deal of later argument.
• If your child is 12 or older and clearly indicates wanting to be heard, respect this. The child has the statutory right to express their opinion.

How much weight the child’s wishes carry

The child’s wishes play an important role in establishing a visitation arrangement but are not the only criterion. The court weighs the child’s wishes in the overall assessment, also considering the child’s age, maturity, and possible influence.

Children of twelve and older must be given the opportunity to be heard, and can ask the court through the informal route of art. 1:377g BW to look at a contact arrangement at all. However, the court always examines whether the child’s wish aligns with the child’s long-term best interest.

In case law, the child’s wish is carefully weighed but is not automatically decisive. Factors such as age, loyalty conflicts, parental influence and the child’s emotional state play a major role.

For parents it is important to take the opinion of the child seriously while realising that a child should not be made to carry the responsibility for a decision of this weight. Law & More advises parents on contact arrangements, on requests to hear a child or appoint a special guardian, and on proceedings where the wish of a child is contested. If contact has broken down, or you are being told that your child no longer wants to see you, contact us to discuss what the court will actually look at.

Frequently asked questions (FAQ)