If your ex refuses to sell the home you own together, you can ask the court to order the division of the house, which can mean a sale to a third party, a public auction or allocation of the house to one of you against payment. Under Article 3:178 of the Dutch Civil Code (BW), no co-owner can be forced to stay in co-ownership indefinitely; the main exception is that the court can postpone the division when an immediate division would disproportionately harm one party, for example because of the children.
Below you will find the options in order: from negotiation and mediation to summary proceedings and division proceedings, what each option costs and how long it takes, and what happens to the mortgage and the costs in the meantime.
Where the co-owners cannot agree, Article 3:185 BW allows the court to determine the division itself: by allocating the house to one of them against payment of the other’s share, by ordering a sale, or by ordering another method of division. The court can also rule that its judgment takes the place of the cooperation the other party refuses.
The right to division is not absolute. The court can postpone the division where the interests of one party would be disproportionately harmed, and for a former couple, the position of the children weighs heavily. But an indefinite refusal is not sustainable: the outcome of a stalemate is not that nothing happens, but that a court decides, often less favourably for the party who obstructed.
Two practical problems must be solved alongside the legal question. The first is the mortgage. A co-owner who wants to be released from joint and several liability for the mortgage needs the lender’s consent. Whether the party who stays can carry the mortgage alone is assessed on his or her own income; if not, allocation is not possible and a sale to a third party is the only realistic route.
The second is the interim period. While the situation continues, the mortgage interest, the running costs and possibly a compensation for exclusive use of the house keep accruing. These are settled in the division, which is why keeping a record of what each of you paid matters from the first month.
Why does an ex refuse to cooperate with the sale?
Usually because of emotional attachment, financial worries or tactics in the wider separation. Understanding the reason helps you choose the approach that is most likely to work.
The end of a relationship is hard. When your ex will not cooperate with the sale of the house, often described in Dutch as “ex werkt niet mee aan verkoop woning”, the stress can increase considerably. You are trying to build a new life, but you are still financially tied to a shared mortgage and a house that has become a source of conflict.
A deadlock like this does more than cause emotional strain. It can prevent you from getting a new mortgage or buying a new home, because the existing mortgage still counts against your borrowing capacity.
What are common reasons for not cooperating?
In our practice, a refusal to sell usually comes from one of a few core issues:
Emotional attachment: the house holds the memories of the life you built together. For some people, letting go feels like a final admission that the relationship is over.
Financial worries: your ex may fear that he or she cannot afford a new home alone. Delaying the sale postpones facing that uncertainty.
Strategic disagreement: sometimes the refusal is a tactic, for example by disagreeing about the asking price, the estate agent or the timing, to gain leverage in other parts of the separation.
Disputes about maintenance: an ex may refuse to contribute to repairs needed before the house can be sold. That affects the value, and is one of the points to settle, if necessary through the court.
You are not obliged to stay tied to the property forever. The law provides clear ways to break the deadlock, so you can regain your financial independence.
Below we go through the practical steps you can take, from negotiation and mediation to court proceedings, to get the house sold or allocated and start your next chapter.
What are your legal rights as a co-owner?
Your rights depend on how you owned the house together: through a community of property in marriage or registered partnership, under a prenuptial or cohabitation agreement, or simply as co-owners on the title deed. In all cases, you can demand division.
Before you take any step, you need to know where you stand. Your rights are not based on what feels fair, but on Dutch law and on the way you owned the property together.
Were you married? In a registered partnership? Or simply living together? Each situation has different rules. A marriage in community of property (gemeenschap van goederen) is treated differently from unmarried partners who both own a share of the house.
The most important principle is this: you cannot be forced to remain in co-ownership indefinitely. Under Article 3:178 BW, each co-owner can demand division at any time, unless the law or a valid agreement provides otherwise.
This rule is your ultimate protection. It means that a stalemate is never the final answer, and that you can, if necessary, have the court decide on the sale or allocation.
How does your relationship status determine your rights?
Your previous relationship determines which rules apply to the division and what you need to show in court. Establishing your starting point is the first step.
The procedure and your rights can differ considerably. For more background, read our article on property division within and after marriage.
Keep in mind that a court-ordered division is not an overnight solution. The procedure can take months and involves legal and valuation costs. That is one more reason to try to reach agreement first.
Your right to demand division of shared property is not a favour from your ex; it is a basic rule of Dutch property law, designed to prevent exactly this kind of deadlock.
Your rights by relationship status
The table below shows how your previous relationship typically affects your rights and the procedure.
Relationship status | Default property position | Key legal point for the sale |
|---|---|---|
Married in full community of property (in principle marriages before 1 January 2018 without a prenuptial agreement) | The house is in principle part of the community, owned equally, even if only one name is on the title deed. | The house is divided as part of the community. The court can decide on the division, including a sale, in or after the divorce proceedings. |
Married in limited community of property (in principle marriages from 1 January 2018) | A house bought during the marriage is in principle joint; a house owned by one spouse before the marriage in principle remains private, although a compensation claim may arise. | First establish whether the house is joint or private; then the same division rules apply. |
Married with a prenuptial agreement | Ownership follows the title deed and the terms of the prenuptial agreement (huwelijkse voorwaarden). | The agreement is the starting point, including any settlement clauses. If you both own the house, you can demand division. |
Registered partnership | The same rules as for marriage apply. | The procedure is comparable to a divorce. |
Cohabiting with a cohabitation agreement | Your cohabitation agreement (samenlevingscontract) and the title deed determine the ownership shares and often the procedure for ending co-ownership. | The court will apply the agreement, for example a clause giving one partner a right to take over the house. |
Cohabiting without an agreement | Ownership follows the shares stated in the title deed (eigendomsakte). | Each co-owner can demand division under Article 3:178 BW; the court decides if you cannot agree. |
Whatever your situation, there is always a legal route to end the co-ownership. Knowing which category you fall into helps you collect the right documents and choose the right strategy.
How can negotiation and mediation break the deadlock?
Start with a concrete written proposal and, if that does not work, mediation. These routes are faster and cheaper than court proceedings, and an agreement can be made binding.
When your ex will not cooperate, the instinct can be to prepare for a legal battle. But going straight to court is almost always the most expensive and slowest route.
Structured negotiation and mediation often save a lot of time and money. They can also help keep a workable relationship, which is especially important if you have children together. The aim is to move from an emotional conflict to a business-like discussion about a shared asset.
How do you start a productive conversation?
Move from verbal arguments to written communication. A registered letter (aangetekende brief) or an email with a clear proposal is a good starting point.
This is not an aggressive step; it is about putting a clear, documented proposal on the table. Your letter should calmly state that you want to end the co-ownership and set out a concrete plan:
Propose an estate agent, or a fair method for choosing one together.
Propose a realistic asking price, preferably based on a valuation by an independent valuer.
Set a clear and reasonable timeline for putting the house on the market.
Offer an alternative, for example that your ex takes over the house if he or she can obtain financing, with a deadline for a financing statement.
A written approach shows that you are serious and creates a paper trail. That documentation is important if you later need to show the court that you made reasonable attempts to reach agreement.
Key point: the aim of this first step is not to win an argument, but to create a clear plan for the sale or takeover. Record every proposal and response.
What can a neutral mediator do?
If direct negotiation does not work, mediation is the logical next step. A mediator is not a judge who decides who is right, but a neutral professional who guides the conversation towards a solution you can both accept.
Mediation offers a structured and safe setting to discuss the issues that are often the real obstacles, such as financial worries or attachment to the house. The process is confidential, which allows a more open conversation than in a courtroom, and it is usually faster and cheaper than litigation. Read more about how professional mediation services can help resolve property disputes.
To get the most out of mediation, prepare well:
Collect your financial documents: mortgage statements, valuations and proof of costs you have paid yourself.
Define your goal: know what outcome you want, for example a sale before a certain date, and be ready to compromise on details.
Stay focused: the session is about the house, not about the past relationship.
An agreement reached in mediation can be recorded in a binding settlement agreement (vaststellingsovereenkomst). If you are divorcing, the agreements can also be included in the divorce settlement agreement, which the court can include in its decision.
What legal steps can you take if your ex will not cooperate?
You can ask the court to order the division of the house under Article 3:185 BW and, if needed, to rule that its judgment replaces your ex’s cooperation. In urgent cases, summary proceedings (kort geding) are sometimes possible.
When the conversation has broken down, it is time for legal action. That can sound daunting, but Dutch law offers a clear and structured route. You are not asking for anything extraordinary: you are asking the court to give effect to the rule that no one can be forced to remain in co-ownership.
A court procedure takes the dispute out of the personal sphere. The judge decides on the basis of the law and the facts. For many people, it is the only way forward when the ex-partner does not respond or actively blocks the process. Be prepared for a procedure that can take months.
Division proceedings: the court decides how the house is divided
In division proceedings, you ask the court to determine how the house is divided. Under Article 3:185 BW, the court can allocate the house to one of you against payment of the other’s share, order a sale and division of the proceeds, or order another method of division.
If you are divorcing, you can ask the court to decide on the division in the divorce proceedings or in separate proceedings afterwards. If you were not married, you start separate proceedings at the district court.
In deciding, the court takes into account the interests of both parties and the public interest. If one party wants to take over the house, the court looks at whether that party can finance it and pay out the other. If not, a sale is usually the outcome.
Can the court’s judgment replace your ex’s signature?
Yes. If your ex refuses to sign the sale agreement or the transfer deed, you can ask the court to rule that its judgment takes the place of the required cooperation or signature (Article 3:300 BW). This is often called substitute consent (vervangende toestemming) in everyday language.
If the court grants this, the sale can go ahead as if your ex had signed. The court can also authorise you to perform certain acts yourself, such as instructing the estate agent and signing the documents.
A judge will not grant this lightly. You must show that you made reasonable attempts to reach agreement and that the refusal is not justified.
A judgment that replaces your ex’s cooperation is the key to the sale. It allows you to instruct the estate agent, accept a reasonable offer and complete the transaction without your ex’s active involvement.
When are summary proceedings an option?
In urgent situations, you can ask the preliminary relief judge (voorzieningenrechter) in summary proceedings to order your ex to cooperate with the sale. This is faster than ordinary proceedings, but the judge is cautious, because a sale cannot be undone.
Summary proceedings are more likely to succeed if there is a real urgency, for example because the mortgage payments can no longer be made and a forced sale by the bank is imminent, or because your ex refuses to sign a sale agreement for which you have already found a buyer. If there is no such urgency, the court will usually refer you to ordinary division proceedings.
Can the court set the terms of the sale?
Yes. An uncooperative ex can still cause problems at every step, from choosing the estate agent to negotiating the price. To prevent that, you can ask the court to set the terms of the sale.
Your lawyer can ask the court to determine, for example:
The estate agent: the court can appoint a specific agent or valuer to handle the sale neutrally.
The asking price and minimum price: to prevent your ex from rejecting reasonable offers, the court usually bases this on an independent valuation.
A timetable: deadlines for putting the house on the market and accepting offers.
Cooperation with viewings: if your ex still lives in the house, the order can require him or her to allow viewings, with a penalty payment (dwangsom) for each breach.
This takes the key decisions out of the hands of the uncooperative party.
How do you build a strong case?
You need a well-documented file. The judge must be able to see that a division is justified and that your proposals were reasonable.
Together with your lawyer, you build a file that includes:
Proof of ownership: the title deed showing that you are joint owners, and any prenuptial or cohabitation agreement.
Valuations: a valuation by an independent valuer, or several estimates by estate agents, to establish the market value.
Financial records: mortgage statements and proof of who paid what, such as mortgage payments, municipal taxes and insurance.
Correspondence: copies of emails, letters and messages that show your attempts to reach a solution.
This file shows your good-faith efforts and supports the argument that intervention by the court is the only remaining route.
What are the financial consequences of a forced sale?
While the dispute lasts, the mortgage and the costs of ownership continue, and the value of the house may change. In the division, you settle who paid what, possibly including a compensation for exclusive use.
When the court has to intervene, the financial picture changes. A sale in a dispute involves specific costs and risks that you need to anticipate, from who pays the mortgage during the dispute to how the proceeds are divided.
Can delays cost you money?
Yes. An ex who delays the process causes more than frustration: the costs continue while the proceeds of a sale are not yet available.
During the delay, the mortgage interest, municipal taxes and insurance keep having to be paid, and legal costs increase with every extra procedural step. In addition, the market value of the house can rise or fall in the meantime, which affects what each of you receives. A long delay therefore creates financial uncertainty for both of you.
Who pays what while you wait?
The bills continue while the sale is on hold. The mortgage, municipal property tax (onroerendezaakbelasting, OZB), insurance and utilities must be paid while the procedure runs. The question of who bears these costs is settled in the division.
As a general rule, the partner who lives in the house pays the costs of use, such as energy and water. The costs of ownership are in principle shared in proportion to your shares (Article 3:172 BW).
Mortgage payments: towards the bank, you both usually remain jointly and severally liable. If one of you stops paying, the bank can claim the full amount from the other, and payment arrears can be registered with the Dutch credit registration office (BKR).
Municipal taxes and insurance: these are ownership costs and are in principle shared, whoever lives in the house.
Necessary repairs: if the roof leaks, for example, the repair costs are in principle shared, because they preserve the value of the property for both of you.
If one partner has exclusive use of the house, the other partner can in some cases claim a compensation for use (gebruiksvergoeding). Whether that claim succeeds depends on the circumstances and on whether you have asked for it in time. Raise it with your lawyer at an early stage.
Advice: keep a precise record of every expense you pay alone during this period. Receipts and bank statements are your proof when the costs are settled from the proceeds or in the division.
How are the proceeds divided?
After the sale, the proceeds are not simply split 50/50. The civil-law notary (notaris) who handles the transfer first pays off the debts secured on the house, and then pays out the balance in accordance with the instructions of both parties or the court’s decision.
If you suspect that your ex is hiding income or assets that are relevant to the division, discuss with your lawyer how to obtain information, for example by requesting documents in the proceedings.
The usual order is:
First, the outstanding mortgage is repaid to the bank.
Then the estate agent’s commission and other direct sale costs, such as the valuation, are paid.
Then any settlement is made between you for shared costs one of you paid alone, as agreed or as decided by the court.
The remaining balance is divided between you in accordance with your ownership shares and any settlement claims. If the proceeds are lower than the mortgage debt, a residual debt (restschuld) remains, for which you both usually remain liable towards the bank. Your careful records ensure that the settlement reflects what each of you actually paid.
In summary
- No one can be forced to remain in co-ownership: each co-owner can demand division under Article 3:178 BW.
- Start with a written proposal and mediation; an agreement can be recorded in a binding settlement agreement.
- If that fails, the court can order a sale or allocation under Article 3:185 BW and rule that its judgment replaces your ex’s cooperation (Article 3:300 BW).
- A takeover requires that the partner who stays can carry the mortgage alone and that the lender releases the other.
- Keep records of all payments: costs, mortgage and any compensation for use are settled in the division.
Common questions about uncooperative house sales
What if my ex lives in the house and blocks viewings?
You can ask the court to order your ex to cooperate with the sale, including allowing viewings on a set schedule. The court can attach a penalty payment (dwangsom) for each time your ex fails to comply. In urgent cases this can sometimes be requested in summary proceedings.
Can I buy my ex out if we cannot agree on a price?
Yes, if you can finance it. If you cannot agree on the price, the court can have the house valued by an independent valuer and allocate it to you against payment of your ex’s share under Article 3:185 of the Dutch Civil Code. You must be able to carry the mortgage alone, and the lender must release your ex from the mortgage debt.
How long does it take to legally force a sale?
That depends on the complexity of the case and the court’s workload. A procedure about cooperation only usually takes several months; if there are also disputes about the value, debts or other assets, it can take a year or longer. Summary proceedings are faster but only possible in urgent cases. That is why it pays to try negotiation and mediation first.
Who pays the legal fees for a forced sale?
In disputes between former spouses or partners, the court usually orders each party to bear its own legal costs. Costs directly related to the sale, such as the valuation and the estate agent’s commission, are in principle shared and are often paid from the proceeds. In exceptional cases, for example with clearly unreasonable conduct, the court can order one party to contribute to the other’s costs.
Law & More assists former spouses and partners who cannot agree about the shared home, from a written proposal and mediation to summary proceedings and division proceedings. Unsure where you stand? Tell us about your situation. We will let you know your options within one working day.
