Co-parenting across borders: when one parent moves abroad

If both parents hold parental authority (ouderlijk gezag), you may only move abroad with your child if the other parent agrees in writing or the Dutch court gives replacement consent (vervangende toestemming) under article 1:253a of the Dutch Civil Code (BW). The main exception is a parent who holds authority alone: that parent needs no consent, although the other parent keeps a right to contact. Moving without consent or a court decision is wrongful removal. It can lead to a return procedure under the 1980 Hague Child Abduction Convention, and removing a minor from lawful authority is a criminal offence under article 279 of the Dutch Criminal Code (Sr).

Below we explain how you obtain permission, how a Dutch court weighs a relocation request, what an international parenting plan has to cover, what happens if a child is taken without consent, and how maintenance and court orders are enforced across borders.

What are the key points?

• Moving a child abroad requires the written consent of the other parent with authority, or replacement consent from the court under article 1:253a BW.
• The court decides on the interests of the child and weighs all circumstances: the necessity of the move, how well it has been prepared, the alternatives offered and the contact proposed for the parent who stays behind.
• A child of twelve or older is invited to be heard by the court, and a younger child may be heard as well. The child has a voice, not a veto.
• A domestic parenting plan does not survive a move abroad. Travel, costs, communication, decision-making, jurisdiction and applicable law all have to be agreed again.
• Taking a child abroad without consent or a court order is wrongful removal. It can lead to a return order, which the rules expect within six weeks, and to criminal proceedings.

When do you need permission to move abroad with your child?

You need permission whenever the other parent also holds parental authority. Parents with joint authority exercise it together, so neither may take a decision of this size alone. A move abroad changes the child’s home, school, language and healthcare, and above all the practical chance of contact with the other parent. It is the clearest example of a decision that requires agreement. Our glossary entry on parental authority explains what the concept covers.

In international families it is not always obvious who holds authority, so establish that first. Parents who were married when the child was born hold authority jointly. A divorce does not change that: joint authority continues after the marriage ends unless the court decides otherwise. For unmarried parents the rules changed on 1 January 2023. Since that date, a partner who acknowledges a child acquires joint authority by law at the moment of acknowledgement. Acknowledgements made before 1 January 2023 fall under the old rule. Then acknowledgement alone gave no authority, and joint authority had to be entered in the authority register (gezagsregister) at the court. If you are in that group, check the register before you assume anything. Our article on the acknowledgement of a child in the Netherlands explains the difference.

If the other parent has no authority, you do not need their consent to move. The other parent does keep a right to contact, and a move that frustrates it can be challenged in court. If you hold authority alone but the child has a real relationship with the other parent, inform them and propose a workable contact arrangement. That is not just courteous. It often prevents the court application that would otherwise follow.

What should valid consent look like?

Consent should be in writing, dated, signed by both parents and specific enough to be enforced. A text message saying “fine” is not enough. State the destination, the intended date, the address, and the contact and travel arrangements that go with the move. The sensible course is to record the consent in a revised parenting plan, so that the permission and the arrangements that make it work sit in one document. Consent for a temporary stay does not become consent for a permanent move. A parent who agreed to a one-year secondment can stop cooperating when the year ends.

How do you get replacement consent from the court?

If the other parent refuses, you ask the court for replacement consent under article 1:253a BW. That article governs disputes between parents who exercise authority jointly. The family court hears the application, and in the same proceedings it can also decide on the division of care and on contact after the move. If a move is close and contested, the other parent can ask the court for provisional measures. In urgent cases they can ask for an order that prohibits departure or requires the passport to be handed in.

One practical warning: do not move first and apply afterwards. A parent who has already moved comes to court having created the very situation the judge must assess, and the court is unlikely to reward that. Our guide to Dutch child custody arrangements covers the underlying framework.

How does a Dutch court decide a relocation request?

The court weighs all circumstances of the case, with the interests of the child as a primary but not always decisive consideration. The Hoge Raad (Dutch Supreme Court) held this in a relocation case on 25 April 2008 (ECLI:NL:HR:2008:BC5901): the child’s interest comes first, but other interests, such as those of the parent who wants to move, can sometimes prevail. Lower courts have since worked with a recognisable set of factors. Knowing them tells you what your application, or your defence, has to address.

• The right of the parent to move and to organise their own life. This is a genuine interest, not a concession, and it is weighed against the interests of the child and the other parent.
• The necessity of the move and the reason behind it: a job, a new partner, family support, or a return to a country of origin. The stronger and more concrete the reason, the better.
• The degree of preparation: housing, school, healthcare, income, language and residence status. A parent with a researched, costed plan is in a different position from one who only has an idea.
• The alternatives offered to make up for the loss of daily contact, and whether the moving parent has thought them through seriously.
• How well the parents communicate and cooperate, because an arrangement across borders only works if both parents make it work.
• The age of the child, their roots, and how settled they are in school and social life where they live now.
• The practical obstacles to contact: distance, cost, flight times, time zones, and who travels with a young child.
• The financial consequences of the move for both households, including who bears the travel costs.
• The division of care before the move. A parent who cared for the child half the time has more to lose than one who saw the child every other weekend.

No single factor decides the case. A sound reason with poor preparation can fail, and careful preparation without a real reason to leave can fail too. The strongest applications combine a genuine need, a detailed plan and a generous, concrete contact proposal that offers the parent staying behind more than a bare minimum.

Does the child have a say?

Yes, but the child does not decide. A child of twelve or older is invited by the court to give their view, and a younger child is heard where the court considers it appropriate. The conversation takes place with the judge, without the parents present. What the child says is weighed alongside everything else, and age and maturity add weight to it. A parent who coaches a child before that conversation usually harms their own case, because judges are experienced at recognising it.

How long does it take, and what happens in the meantime?

A relocation application takes months rather than weeks. A contested case may involve a report from the Child Protection Board (Raad voor de Kinderbescherming), which adds more time. Plan for that. If the child needs to start school abroad in September, file the application early in the year, not in July. If you fear a one-sided departure while the case is pending, ask for provisional measures together with the main application, not afterwards. In an international family, the question of which court may hear the case at all comes first. Our article on which Dutch court has jurisdiction in international families deals with that point.

What must an international parenting plan cover?

An international parenting plan must cover residence, travel, contact, decisions, documents, money and which court decides, in terms that can be enforced. A parenting plan is compulsory in Dutch divorce proceedings, and it is equally required when unmarried parents with joint authority separate. A plan written for parents who live twenty minutes apart will not survive a move abroad. Everything that used to be settled by a phone call now has to be written down. Otherwise a disagreement that was once resolved at the front door will be resolved by a court in another country.

Deal with each of the following points, specifically enough to be enforced rather than merely hoped for.

• Residence and schedule. Where the child lives, and exactly when they are with the other parent. Use fixed blocks tied to the school holidays in the country where the child goes to school, not vague references to “the summer”.
• Travel and who pays. Who books, by when, which airports, who travels with a young child, from what age the child may fly alone, and how the cost is shared. Set a deadline for booking and a deadline for sharing the itinerary.
• Contact between visits. Frequency, duration, platform and fixed times in one named time zone. Add an obligation on the resident parent to provide a private space and a working connection.
• Decision-making. Which decisions need joint consent, which one parent may take alone, and what happens in a medical emergency. Set a response deadline so that silence does not become a veto.
• School and information. Both parents are entitled to receive reports and to be registered with the school. Agree who attends parent evenings and how the other joins remotely.
• Documents. Who holds the passport and identity documents, how renewals are handled, and a promise to sign the consent each renewal requires.
• Maintenance. Amount, currency, exchange-rate risk, payment date and account, and how annual indexation applies.
• Review and disputes. A fixed moment to review the plan, mediation as the first step, and an express agreement on which court has jurisdiction and which law applies.

That last point is often forgotten, and it tends to cost the most later. Within the European Union, jurisdiction over parental responsibility follows the habitual residence of the child. Once the child has moved and settled, jurisdiction moves with them. Agreeing in advance where disputes will be heard, and having the Dutch order in place before departure, keeps you in control of the process. Our guide to the parenting plan in the Netherlands covers the Dutch requirements, and our overview of cross-border legal issues covers the international ones.

Why have the plan confirmed by the court?

Because a court order can be enforced, while a private agreement only binds the parents. Ask the court to include the revised plan in its decision. Within the European Union, a decision on parental responsibility given in one member state is recognised in the others without a separate procedure, and a decision on contact can be enforced abroad. That difference matters on the day a visit is refused. It also matters for maintenance, because an order is much easier to collect than a private agreement.

What about passports, travel documents and holidays?

A Dutch passport or identity card for a minor is only issued with the consent of every parent with authority. If one parent refuses, the other can ask the court for replacement consent, and the court will grant it if the refusal is not in the child’s interest. Build this into the parenting plan: an obligation to sign renewal applications within a set period, and a rule on who keeps the document between trips.

Travelling abroad with your child without the other parent is a separate question. Border officers may ask a parent who travels alone with a minor to show that the other parent agrees. The Royal Netherlands Marechaussee (Koninklijke Marechaussee) publishes a consent form for exactly this purpose. Carry it with a copy of the consenting parent’s identity document and, if your surnames differ, an extract from the register of births. It is not a legal requirement in every case, but the departure gate is not the place to argue about that. Our article on holidays with children after divorce deals with the everyday version of this question.

Do not rely on forms from other countries. For a child travelling from the Netherlands, the Dutch rules and the entry rules of the destination apply. Procedures from other jurisdictions, however convenient they look online, do not meet them. Check the entry requirements of the destination and of any transit country well before departure.

When does a move become child abduction?

A move becomes child abduction when you take a child abroad, or keep a child abroad after an agreed visit, without the consent of the other parent with authority or a court order. Legally this is wrongful removal or wrongful retention, and it is not a technicality. It triggers a return procedure under the 1980 Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction. Within the European Union, that Convention is reinforced by the Brussels IIb Regulation (Regulation (EU) 2019/1111). Removing a minor from lawful authority is also a criminal offence under article 279 Sr.

How does a return procedure work?

The procedure does not decide custody. Its only purpose is to return the child quickly to the country of habitual residence, so that the courts there can decide where the child should live. It applies if both countries are parties to the Convention, the child is under sixteen, and the removal breached custody rights that were actually being exercised under the law of the country the child was taken from.

In the Netherlands, applications run through the Central Authority at the Ministry of Justice and Security. The cases are concentrated at the District Court of The Hague, with appeal to the Court of Appeal in The Hague. The procedure is designed to be fast: the Convention expects a decision within six weeks, and the Brussels IIb Regulation sets a six-week limit for each instance. Before the hearing, parents are offered cross-border mediation over a short, intensive period, which can resolve the dispute without a contested return order. The Centre for International Child Abduction (Centrum Internationale Kinderontvoering) provides information and support to parents on both sides.

When can a court refuse a return?

Only in a small number of defined situations, and these exceptions are applied narrowly. The court may refuse if more than a year has passed and the child has settled in the new environment, or if the left-behind parent consented to or accepted the move. It may also refuse if there is a grave risk that return would expose the child to physical or psychological harm or otherwise place them in an intolerable situation. The last ground is a child who objects to return and has reached an age and maturity at which their views should count. Within the European Union, a refusal is not always the end of the matter. The courts of the country of habitual residence can still give a custody decision that overrides it.

What if the destination country is outside the Convention?

Then there is no return mechanism. The left-behind parent depends on the law and courts of that country, on diplomatic channels and on negotiation, and outcomes are slow and uncertain. If a move to such a country is proposed, that fact alone weighs heavily in a relocation case. Any consent should depend on safeguards agreed in advance, such as an order recognised in the destination country before departure. Our article on international child abduction sets out the procedure in more detail.

What can you do if you fear an abduction?

Act before, not after. Ask the court for an order that prohibits departure and requires the passport to be handed in. Where the risk is real, also ask for measures that prevent new travel documents from being issued for the child. Keep copies of identity documents and recent photographs, know the address and family details in the other country, and report any concrete threat immediately. Once a child has left, speed often determines the outcome. The one-year mark and the question whether the child has settled both work against the parent who waited.

What happens to maintenance when one parent moves abroad?

The obligation to pay continues, and so does the right to collect it. Within the European Union, maintenance decisions circulate under the EU Maintenance Regulation (Regulation (EC) No 4/2009). In most cases an order made in one member state can be enforced in another without a separate recognition procedure. Outside the Union, the 2007 Hague Convention on the International Recovery of Child Support plays a comparable role for the countries that have joined it, and bilateral arrangements cover part of the rest.

In the Netherlands you can hand collection to the national maintenance collection agency (Landelijk Bureau Inning Onderhoudsbijdragen, LBIO). Within the Netherlands, collection by the LBIO costs the recipient nothing. The LBIO also has a specific service for maintenance when the paying parent lives abroad, working with international arrangements. That is usually faster and cheaper than instructing a lawyer in the other country.

Three points belong in the plan, not in a later dispute. First, state the currency and who bears the exchange-rate risk, because the same number in a different currency is not the same amount. Second, state how indexation works. Dutch maintenance amounts are adjusted each year by a percentage set by the Minister of Justice and Security and published in advance, and the plan should say whether that adjustment still applies after the move. Third, keep travel costs separate from maintenance, so that a dispute about a flight does not turn into a dispute about child support. Our guide to alimony in the Netherlands explains how the amounts are calculated.

A move to another country is also a change of circumstances. Income, tax, cost of living and the cost of contact travel all change, and either parent can ask the court to recalculate maintenance on that basis. A review clause in the plan that anticipates this is cheaper than litigating it.

How do you make the arrangement work in practice?

Predictability is what makes it work. The law makes a relationship across a border possible, but it does not create the relationship. A child who knows when the next call and the next visit will be usually copes far better than a child who is told that a parent “will ring soon”.

Fix calls at times that suit the child rather than the adult, and keep them even when there is nothing to report. Short and regular beats long and occasional. Let contact be about ordinary things, such as homework, a game or a bedtime story, rather than a questioning about the week. Stay connected to the child’s daily life by being registered with the school and receiving reports directly, so that you are informed rather than briefed. Keep a shared calendar and a written record of what you agree. That helps cooperation and, if things go wrong, serves as evidence.

For the parent at home, the duty runs the other way. Dutch law expects the parent with whom the child lives to encourage the bond with the other parent. A pattern of frustrated contact is one of the strongest grounds for a court to change an arrangement. Speak well of the other parent, protect the call times, and do not use contact as leverage over money. If contact is genuinely harmful and has to be limited, that is for the court to decide, not for one parent. Our article on when child contact arrangements can be restricted explains the test.

Shared tools help, as long as both parents agree to them. Think of a shared calendar with automatic time-zone conversion, one agreed channel for parenting messages kept separate from personal ones, and a shared folder with school reports, medical records and copies of travel documents. Keep what you write neutral and factual, because anything in a parenting channel may one day be read by a judge.

Which court decides, and under which law?

In principle the courts of the country where the child habitually lives decide on authority, residence and contact. In an international family, the first question is therefore not what the rule is, but whose rule applies. Within the European Union this is governed by the Brussels IIb Regulation. For a number of countries outside the Union, the 1996 Hague Child Protection Convention has the same function. Habitual residence is a matter of fact: it is where the child actually has the centre of their life, judged by school, language, social ties and the parents’ intentions, not by where anyone is registered.

Two consequences follow. First, once the child has genuinely settled in the new country, the Dutch court loses jurisdiction over future disputes about residence and contact, and any later change must be sought there. Second, in the period straight after a move the position can be unclear. That is one reason why an order obtained before departure is worth far more than an argument afterwards. If a case is already pending in the Netherlands when the move happens, the Dutch court in principle keeps jurisdiction over that case.

The applicable law does not always follow jurisdiction. A Dutch court hearing a case about a child who habitually lives in the Netherlands applies Dutch law to parental responsibility. Maintenance, however, has its own conflict rules, and questions of parentage and name follow yet another set. That is specialist work, and it is one reason why a plan written for one country rarely holds up in the second.

What if it is the other parent who wants to leave?

If you are the parent staying behind, your position is often stronger than it feels, but only if you act early and constructively. Much of the advice on relocation is written for the parent who wants to go, so it helps to know your own options.

Opposing a move outright, without offering any alternative, is rarely the most effective approach. Courts weigh each parent’s willingness to cooperate. A parent who proposes a detailed alternative, with longer holiday blocks, travel costs shared in line with income, a fixed call schedule and remote attendance at school events, usually comes across better than one who only says no. If the move goes ahead despite your objection, that same proposal becomes the starting point for the arrangement you will live with.

If your consent is being asked, do not give it informally and do not give it bit by bit. Ask for the whole picture: the destination, the address, the school, the intended date and the contact proposal. Record your agreement in a revised parenting plan confirmed by the court. Consent to a trial period should state clearly what happens when that period ends, including where the child lives if you do not agree to continue.

If a move has already happened without your agreement, treat it as urgent. Contact the Central Authority and take legal advice within days, not weeks. Both the one-year period under the Convention and the question whether the child has settled in the new environment depend on how quickly you act.

When should you involve a family lawyer?

Involve a lawyer as soon as the parents cannot settle it between themselves, and certainly before any departure. Take advice if any of the following applies: consent is refused and a departure date is approaching; you fear the child will be taken without your agreement; the destination is outside the Hague Convention; a court order already exists and one parent wants to change it; or the family has assets, maintenance obligations or residence permits in more than one country. In each of these situations, acting early usually costs far less than acting late.

There is also a timing point that is easy to miss. Once a child has lived in another country for a while, jurisdiction over parental responsibility follows the child, and decisions a Dutch court could have taken will be taken elsewhere. If you need a Dutch order, obtain it before the move, not after. A family law specialist can also arrange for a Dutch decision to be recognised in the destination country, so that the plan you agreed can actually be enforced there. If the separation itself still has to be arranged, our guide to international divorce in the Netherlands covers jurisdiction, applicable law and recognition.

Frequently asked questions

The legal rules on co-parenting across borders usually come down to a few practical questions. Below are short answers to the most common ones.

In summary

• With joint authority, you need the other parent’s written consent or replacement consent from the court under article 1:253a BW before moving abroad with your child.
• The court weighs all circumstances, with the child’s interests first (ECLI:NL:HR:2008:BC5901); necessity, preparation and a concrete contact proposal matter most.
• Rewrite the parenting plan for the new situation, including travel, costs, contact, documents, maintenance, jurisdiction and applicable law, and have it confirmed by the court.
• Moving without consent or an order is wrongful removal: it can lead to a fast return procedure in The Hague and to criminal liability under article 279 Sr.
• Jurisdiction follows the child’s habitual residence, so obtain any Dutch order you need before the move.

Unsure where you stand? Tell us about your situation. We will let you know your options within one working day.