Moving house during divorce: what is allowed?

Without minor children you are free to move during your divorce; you need nobody’s permission, although the house, the household effects and the costs still have to be settled. With minor children over whom you share parental authority, you should not move the children without your ex-partner’s written permission or substitute permission from the court, because a move is one of the decisions parents with joint authority take together.

Below we explain both situations, the criteria a court applies when you ask for substitute permission, the consequences of moving without permission, and a step-by-step plan. If you are also thinking of buying a home, read our article on buying a house during divorce.

Can you move house during a divorce?

That depends on one factor: whether you have minor children. Without children the answer is yes; with children over whom you share authority, the answer is usually not without permission.

The atmosphere at home can become unbearable. Arguments escalate and you want only one thing: to leave and make a fresh start. That is understandable, but emotion and legal reality do not always match. Good preparation prevents a move from damaging your position.

Without children, or with adult children only

You are free to move. There are no legal obstacles and you do not need your ex-partner’s permission, whether you move within your town, to another city or abroad.

Some points still need attention:

The shared home: the financial settlement of the owner-occupied or rented home must be arranged.
Household effects: divide, or at least list, the household effects before you leave, to prevent items from disappearing.
Administration: register at your new address in the Personal Records Database (Basisregistratie Personen, BRP) and arrange your post and banking.
Communication: permission is not required, but informing your spouse avoids unnecessary conflict.

With minor children

If you share parental authority, you should not move the children without your ex-partner’s permission. Moving without it carries a serious legal risk.

Permission: parents with joint authority decide together on important matters such as where the child lives. Obtain the other parent’s permission before you move the children.
Risk: a court can order you to move back.
Main residence: in serious cases the court can decide that the children should live mainly with the other parent.

If you have sole authority, you can in principle move without permission. You still have to respect the contact arrangement, and a move that makes contact impossible can lead to proceedings. You can check who has authority in the parental authority register (gezagsregister) of the court.

A basic rule: if you share authority, obtain written permission from your ex-partner, or substitute permission from the court, before you pack the children’s things.

How do you check whether you may move?

Work through three questions: do you have minor children, do you share authority, and has the other parent agreed? The answers tell you what to do.

No minor children: you are free to move.
Minor children, sole authority for you: you may move, but inform the other parent in good time and respect the contact arrangement.
Minor children, joint authority, and the other parent agrees: record the agreement in writing, for example in the parenting plan, and then move.
Minor children, joint authority, and the other parent refuses or does not respond: do not move with the children; ask the court for substitute permission.

Why does joint authority mean you need permission?

Parental authority (ouderlijk gezag) means that parents take the important decisions about their child together. Where the child lives is one of those decisions.

Who has joint authority?

Parents who are married or in a registered partnership automatically have joint authority over the children born during that relationship. Since 1 January 2023, unmarried parents in most cases also obtain joint authority automatically when the child is recognised. Before that date, unmarried parents had to register joint authority separately.

Joint authority continues after a divorce: under Article 1:251(2) of the Dutch Civil Code (BW), parents who had joint authority continue to exercise it jointly, unless the court decides otherwise. You can check the position by requesting an extract from the parental authority register at a district court, which is free of charge.

Why does a move require permission?

With joint authority you make important decisions about your child’s life together. A move with the children is one of them, just like:

the choice of school;
medical treatment;
applying for a passport or identity card;
holidays abroad;
the child’s religious upbringing.

Because a move directly affects the contact arrangement and the role of the other parent in the child’s life, you cannot decide it alone.

Which moves require permission?

The law sets no distance limit. A move that changes the child’s school, environment or care arrangement requires permission; for a small move within the same neighbourhood that is less clear.

A move within the same neighbourhood, where school, sports club and childcare stay the same and the care arrangement is not affected, rarely leads to disputes. A move to another town, or a move that affects the care arrangement, clearly needs the other parent’s agreement. Because there is no fixed distance in the law, the court assesses each situation individually. The safe choice is to ask for permission whenever you are in doubt.

If your ex-partner refuses, you are stuck unless you ask the court for substitute permission.

Moving with the children without permission can lead to:

a court order to move back;
a change of the children’s main residence;
high costs and further proceedings;
if you move abroad: a return procedure for international child abduction and possibly criminal prosecution.

So always get legal advice before you move with children.

What does the court weigh when you ask for substitute permission?

The court weighs all interests: those of the children, of the parent who wants to move and of the parent who stays. The child’s interest is a primary consideration, but it is not automatically decisive.

If your ex-partner refuses to cooperate, or does not respond, you can ask the court through a lawyer to settle the dispute under Article 1:253a BW. The court then takes the decision it considers desirable in the interests of the child. In its judgment of 25 April 2008 (ECLI:NL:HR:2008:BC5901) the Dutch Supreme Court (Hoge Raad) held that the court must weigh all circumstances, including the interests of the parent who wants to move. The child’s interest is a primary consideration but can sometimes be outweighed by other interests. In practice courts look at the following factors.

Is the move necessary?

The court first asks why you need to move.

Stronger reasons: a job transfer by your employer, financial necessity because the current home is unaffordable after the divorce, care for a sick family member, or an unsafe living situation.
Weaker reasons: a new partner who lives elsewhere (the partner could also move to you), a wish to return to your home town, or simply feeling unhappy where you live.

Have you prepared the move well?

The court wants to see that the move is not an impulsive decision.

Have you researched schools and childcare in the new location?
Have you worked out what the contact arrangement will look like?
Is the move financially feasible?
Did you inform your ex-partner in good time and make a reasonable proposal?

What happens to the contact arrangement?

This is often the deciding point. The court looks at how contact between the child and the other parent will change.

With contact every other weekend, a greater distance can often still be bridged.
With co-parenting, where the children live half of the time with each parent, a move to another town usually makes the arrangement unworkable.
The court considers travel time and costs: who takes and collects the children, and who pays for travel?

How were the care tasks divided?

The court looks at the history. If the parent who stays has always been closely involved, for example with school, sports and doctor’s visits, the court will be less inclined to allow a move that makes this impossible. If you were always the main carer, your case is somewhat stronger, but continuity for the children remains the guiding principle.

How well do the parents communicate?

If communication is good, the court is more likely to trust that you can manage the distance together. If there is a lot of conflict, a move and the travel it brings may increase the conflict, which harms the child.

What do the children want?

The court invites children aged 8 and older in most family cases for a conversation with the judge (kindgesprek), or they can write to the judge. A child is not obliged to come. The child’s opinion counts, but the child does not decide: the judge may reach a different decision if that is better for the child.

What are the interests of the parents?

Since the Supreme Court judgment of 2008, the interests of the parent who wants to move are expressly part of the balance. You are entitled to build a new life. The court must balance that freedom against the right of the child and the other parent to regular contact.

Example: a mother wants to move with her children to a town more than 100 kilometres away because she no longer feels at home in her current town. The father lives near the children’s school and sees them every week. Without a pressing reason for the move, such as a job, a court is likely to refuse substitute permission, because the contact with the father would suffer considerably.

What if you move without permission anyway?

Then you take a serious risk. The court can order you to move back, can change the children’s main residence and, if you moved abroad, the children can be returned under the Hague Child Abduction Convention.

Order to move back

This is the most common consequence. The court orders you to return with the children to your previous place of residence, or to within a certain distance of it, often in urgent interim proceedings. That order applies even if you already signed a new tenancy agreement, changed jobs or enrolled the children in a new school. The costs are yours.

Change of main residence

In serious cases the court may find that your unilateral action shows you are not acting in the children’s interests. The children’s main residence may then be moved to the other parent. They stay in their familiar environment with your ex-partner, and you become the parent with the contact arrangement.

International child abduction

Moving abroad with the children without the required permission can amount to international child abduction. The other parent can then ask for the children’s return under the 1980 Hague Child Abduction Convention, with the help of the Central Authority. The starting point of that convention is that the children are returned first and that the dispute about where they should live is decided afterwards. Taking a child abroad without permission can also be a criminal offence under Article 279 of the Dutch Criminal Code.

Sometimes a court accepts a new situation after the fact, for example if the children are fully settled and moving back would harm them more. Do not count on that: the risk that it goes wrong is much greater.

What should you arrange when you move without children?

Legally you are free, but practical matters remain. Settle the shared home, the household effects and your own safety before or soon after you leave.

The shared home

If you both own the home or are both tenants, you usually both remain liable towards the bank or the landlord until this is settled, even after you leave.

Agree in writing who pays the mortgage or rent after you leave.
Agree when the home will be sold or taken over by one of you.
If you leave but keep contributing to the mortgage, discuss whether the spouse who stays should pay a user fee (gebruiksvergoeding).

Household effects

Disputes about belongings often arise only after the move.

Make a list of the household effects before you move.
Take photographs of the condition of the home and the belongings.
Agree in writing what you take and what stays, so that no one can claim items unilaterally after you have handed in your key.

Safety

If there is domestic violence or stalking, your safety comes first. You can ask your municipality not to pass on your data from the BRP to certain third parties (geheimhouding); government bodies can still see them. Where necessary, the court can impose a contact or restraining order.

Can your ex-partner ask the court to stop a move?

Yes. If there are clear signs that you intend to leave with the children without permission, your ex-partner can ask the court to prohibit the move.

The court can, for example, prohibit you from moving with the children beyond a certain distance from your current home, and attach a penalty payment (dwangsom) for each violation. A return order often follows if you move anyway. Such a prohibition is usually a temporary measure in interim proceedings, to keep the situation as it is until the court has decided on the move itself.

How do you approach it, step by step?

Your approach depends on whether you have children and whether your ex-partner cooperates. Below are the three most common situations.

Without children

Make living arrangements: who stays in the house and who pays what? Put it in writing.
Divide the household effects: make a list or include the division in your divorce agreement.
Arrange new accommodation: you are free to buy or rent.
Move and update your administration: register at your new municipality and inform the relevant organisations.

With children, in consultation with your ex-partner

Orientation: research the new location, including schools and the neighbourhood, and calculate the travel time.
Proposal: make your ex-partner a concrete proposal and offer compensation for lost contact time, for example by paying the travel costs or offering extra holiday time.
Written agreement: if your ex-partner agrees, record it in writing, preferably in an updated parenting plan (ouderschapsplan).
Move: only once the agreement has been signed.

With children, if your ex-partner refuses

Build your file: gather evidence of why the move is necessary, such as a statement from your employer.
Formal request: send a letter with a detailed plan and a proposal for the contact arrangement.
Legal advice: have a family lawyer assess your chances.
Court: ask the court for substitute permission.
Wait: do not move with the children before the court has decided.

In summary

Without minor children you are free to move during your divorce; settle the home, the household effects and your administration.
With joint authority, which continues after a divorce (Article 1:251(2) BW), do not move the children without the other parent’s written permission or substitute permission from the court.
The court weighs all interests, including those of the parent who wants to move; the child’s interest is a primary but not automatically decisive consideration (Supreme Court, 25 April 2008).
Necessity, preparation, the effect on contact, the division of care, communication and the child’s views all play a role; children from 8 are invited to talk to the judge.
Moving without permission can lead to an order to move back, a change of main residence and, abroad, a return procedure for child abduction.

Frequently asked questions

Can I move if the divorce is not yet final?

Yes, legally you can. But if you have children and share authority, which is usually the case during a marriage, you still need the other parent’s permission to move the children. Without children you are free to move.

Can I be forced to stay in the home?

No. No one can force you to live somewhere. If you have children, however, your departure may mean that the children stay in the home with the other parent, which can influence later decisions about their main residence.

What if my ex-partner does not respond to my request?

No response is not permission. You cannot assume everything is fine. After repeated requests and a reasonable period, ask the court for substitute permission.

What does a substitute permission procedure cost?

You need a lawyer, and the court charges a court fee (griffierecht). The total depends on how complex the case is and whether the other parent opposes the request. If your income is low, you may qualify for subsidised legal aid (toevoeging), in which case you pay only a personal contribution.

In closing

Whether you can move during your divorce depends on your family situation. Without children you are free to go. With children, your freedom to move is limited by joint authority and by the child’s right to contact with both parents. Moving without permission is a gamble in which you risk having to move back or even losing the children’s main residence. Choose consultation, careful preparation and, where necessary, the court.

Are you planning to move during your divorce, or has your ex-partner moved without your permission? The family lawyers at Law & More assess your position and can start proceedings for substitute permission, or to stop a move, and act quickly in urgent cases. Unsure where you stand? Tell us about your situation. We will let you know your options within one working day.

How Law & More can help you with this is explained on our divorce lawyer page.

Moving house during divorce: what is and isn’t allowed?