Divorce and social media: what can you legally post about your ex?

What you post during a divorce can be put before the court, and in the Netherlands it usually is admitted. Civil procedure works on the principle of free evidence: under Article 152 of the Dutch Code of Civil Procedure (Wetboek van Burgerlijke Rechtsvordering, Rv) the judge decides what weight to give to evidence, and a screenshot of a public post is ordinarily accepted without difficulty. Evidence obtained improperly is not automatically excluded in civil proceedings either.

Three consequences follow, and each of them is concrete. Posts about spending, travel or a new household feed straight into the discussion about maintenance. Under Article 1:160 of the Dutch Civil Code (BW), proof that the recipient lives with a new partner as though married ends partner maintenance permanently. Posts about the other parent count against you in a dispute about the children, because the court weighs each parent’s willingness to allow the child a relationship with the other. And a post about your ex can be unlawful in its own right: an accusation you cannot substantiate may amount to defamation under Articles 261 and 262 of the Dutch Criminal Code (Wetboek van Strafrecht, Sr) or to an unlawful act under Article 6:162 BW. Publishing photographs of your children needs the agreement of both parents where they hold joint authority.

Below we explain what you can safely post, what almost always backfires, how to deal with unlawful posts by your ex, and what you can still do about material that is already online.

Why can your posts end up in court?

Because a post is cheap to collect and easy to show to a judge. Your ex’s lawyer will look at your public profiles for anything that contradicts what you say about income, care for the children or your own conduct.

That casual Instagram Story or WhatsApp status is not just chatter. In a Dutch family case it can sit in the file next to bank statements and witness statements. Family lawyers on both sides check social media as a matter of routine, especially when maintenance or the care arrangement is in dispute.

Are digital footprints really permanent?

In practice, yes. Deleting a post rarely deletes the problem, because screenshots, shared files, cloud backups and platform archives keep copies, often with a date and time attached.

Dutch law has no special admissibility test for electronic evidence. The judge simply assesses whether it is reliable. If you dispute that a screenshot is genuine, you will need to say why, and a dated capture with a visible URL is hard to argue away. Keep in mind as well that parties must state the relevant facts fully and truthfully under Article 21 Rv. If you do not, the judge may draw the conclusions it sees fit.

How do ex-partners use posts against you?

Usually to attack your credibility on a point that matters for the decision. Typical examples:

• photos of expensive trips to suggest income you have not disclosed;
• late-night party pictures to question your availability or judgement as a parent;
• contradictory updates (“I’m broke” next to “New car day!”) to show that your statements cannot be trusted.

Once filed, such images can influence the outcome on alimony, the division of assets and the arrangements for the children. A picture often makes a point faster than a long written statement.

What do Dutch courts do with this kind of evidence?

They treat it like any other evidence: they weigh it in context. A single photo rarely decides a case, but it can tip the balance where the facts are otherwise unclear.

Two situations come up often. In spousal support cases, posts are used to argue that the recipient lives with a new partner as though married, which ends maintenance under Article 1:160 BW, or that a party earns more than stated. In cases about the children, posts are used to show how a parent speaks about the other parent. Even in mediation, a screenshot on the table changes the tone of the negotiations. The lesson is simple: your feed can say more about you than your lawyer can.

Which Dutch rules apply to what you post?

Freedom of expression applies online, but it is limited by criminal law, the law on unlawful acts, portrait rights and privacy law. If you ignore those limits, you risk a takedown order, damages or a weaker position in a custody dispute.

The rules below are the ones where most people slip up when they ask: what can I legally post about my ex during a divorce?

When is a post defamation?

When you deliberately damage someone’s honour or reputation by accusing them of a specific fact, with the evident aim of making it public. That is defamation (smaad) under Article 261 Sr; in writing or images, such as a post, it is written defamation (smaadschrift).

Written defamation carries a maximum of one year’s imprisonment or a fine. If you know the accusation is false, it is slander (laster) under Article 262 Sr, which is punished more heavily. There is a defence: under Article 261(3) Sr it is not defamation if you acted in necessary self-defence, or if you could assume in good faith that the accusation was true and the public interest required you to make it. A divorce rarely meets that test. Calling someone a name without a specific accusation, such as a meme calling your ex a “fraud”, can still be an insult (eenvoudige belediging) under Article 266 Sr. Separately from criminal law, your ex can claim removal and damages in civil proceedings for an unlawful act under Article 6:162 BW.

What about photos and personal data?

Your ex and your children have portrait rights (portretrecht) and privacy rights. Under Article 21 of the Dutch Copyright Act (Auteurswet), a portrait may not be published if the person portrayed has a reasonable interest in opposing it.

Posting a photo of your ex or your child without permission can lead to a takedown order and, in some cases, compensation. A “closed” Facebook group does not protect you, because members can share screenshots. Publishing addresses, medical details or bank statements on social media also falls under the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) and is almost always unlawful. For children under 16, consent to processing their personal data must come from the parents with authority, which in practice means both parents when you share joint authority.

Are negotiations and mediation confidential?

Mediation is confidential because the parties agree to it in the mediation agreement. Leaking settlement drafts or negotiation chats is a breach of that agreement and damages trust at the moment you need it most.

Parents can also agree in the parenting plan (ouderschapsplan) that neither of them will speak badly about the other in public, or post about the children without consent. Such a clause is not standard; you have to agree on it. If one parent breaks it, the other can ask the court to enforce it, for example with a penalty payment (dwangsom).

When does online behaviour become stalking or doxing?

Persistent tagging, messages at night or public countdowns to “court day” can amount to stalking (belaging) under Article 285b Sr. That carries up to three years’ imprisonment or a fine; prosecution only follows a complaint by the victim.

Since 1 January 2024, doxing is a separate offence under Article 285d Sr. Anyone who gathers or spreads someone’s personal data, such as a home address, to intimidate them or cause serious nuisance faces up to two years’ imprisonment or a fine. Sharing sexual images of someone without their consent is also a criminal offence. In civil proceedings, the court can impose a contact ban or an order to stop, with a penalty for each breach.

What if your ex lives abroad?

Then the question which court has jurisdiction becomes more complex. For divorce and parental responsibility, the Brussels II-ter Regulation decides this within the EU; for a claim about an unlawful post, the Brussels I-bis Regulation applies.

If your ex lives abroad, a Dutch court can often still hear a case about an unlawful post, for example in summary proceedings (kort geding). Enforcement in another EU member state is relatively straightforward. Outside the EU it takes more time, and obtaining data from a platform based abroad may require separate steps.

Which posts almost always backfire?

Posts that contradict your own statements in the proceedings, or that show your ex or the children in a bad light. Some content is so predictably damaging that Dutch family lawyers see it as the other side’s best evidence.

If anything you plan to post falls into one of the categories below, think twice before you share it.

Showing off money

A lifestyle that conflicts with what you have stated about your income or assets undermines your credibility and can increase your maintenance obligation. Examples:

• “Finally bought my dream watch!”;
• screenshots of investment or crypto profits;
• business-class boarding passes.

New relationships and dating updates

Dutch judges do not punish you for moving on, but timing and tone matter. Public displays of affection can inflame the negotiations and be used to suggest that your new relationship comes before the children.

If you receive partner maintenance, there is a specific risk: posts about a shared home or household with a new partner can be used as evidence that you live together as though married, which ends maintenance under Article 1:160 BW. That applies to a low-key “soft launch” as well.

Alcohol, partying and risky behaviour

Late-night selfies with drinks, vaping in the car with the children or speeding on a motorbike can be used to question your judgement as a parent. The other side will argue that the photo says more than any explanation you give afterwards.

Venting and disparaging remarks

Calling your ex a “narcissist”, posting about “deadbeat dads” or sharing sarcastic memes can amount to insult or defamation, and can breach agreements you made in the parenting plan. Screenshots travel fast, and tone is hard to explain afterwards.

Private documents and conversations

Leaking WhatsApp chats, mediation drafts or the children’s school reports breaches confidentiality and privacy law. A court can order removal and impose a penalty payment, and it may see the leak as a sign that you do not respect boundaries.

What can you safely share, and how?

Neutral updates about your own life, shared with a limited audience, are generally safe. You do not have to disappear from the internet until the divorce is final.

A measured online presence can even show stability to friends, employers and the court. The trick is to treat every upload as if your ex’s lawyer, a judge and your children at sixteen are all in the audience. The five guidelines below help you stay social without harming your case.

Neutral life updates

Stick to content that cannot be turned into a story about hidden money or poor judgement, for example:

• finishing a 10 km run;
• starting a new course;
• a photo of the dog stealing your sock.

Keep captions factual and calm. A cheerful emoji is fine; a rant is not.

Posts about the children

If you and your ex get on reasonably well, agree in writing before posting pictures of the children. If you cannot agree, the safest course is not to post them publicly. If you do share something:

• use a closed group or a “close friends” list;
• blur faces or use initials only;
• avoid location tags that reveal the school or home address.

Use “I” statements and facts

“I’m focusing on the children and my work right now” is safer than “My ex refuses to co-parent”. Writing about yourself instead of the other person reduces the risk of defamation and keeps you on the right side of the line.

Time your posts

Stay offline for 48 hours before a mediation session or court hearing. Emotions run high in those days, and silence prevents a reactive post that later looks reckless.

Agree on a social media clause for the parenting plan

Add a short section on social media to your parenting plan. It can cover:

1. no disparaging remarks about either parent;
2. no public photos of the child without the consent of both parents;
3. a dispute procedure: first a private conversation, then a mediator, then the court;
4. what happens after a breach, for example removal of the post within 24 hours.

A lawyer can tailor the wording, but agreeing on these points early keeps both of your feeds free of conflict.

What should you do before you post?

Lock down your accounts, review what is already online and apply a short checklist before each post. A few minutes of preparation can save you a great deal of trouble in the proceedings.

Tighten your privacy settings

• Facebook: limit who sees your posts, switch off tagging on your timeline and run the privacy check-up.
• Instagram: make your account private, use a “close friends” list and switch off resharing of stories.
• WhatsApp: hide your profile photo from people who are not in your contacts and consider disappearing messages.
• TikTok and X: switch to a private account and limit replies to followers.

Review your old posts

Download your data (Facebook and Instagram both offer this) and look for posts that could be used against you. Talk to your lawyer before you delete anything. Deleting a lot at once, in the middle of proceedings, can look as if you are hiding facts, and the other side may already have copies.

Use a short checklist

Before you tap “share”, ask yourself:

1. Would this embarrass me in front of a judge?
2. Could my child read this at sixteen without feeling uncomfortable?
3. Does it contradict anything I have said in the proceedings?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, do not post it.

Keep personal and professional profiles separate

Keeping your work life on LinkedIn or a business account shields clients and colleagues from your divorce. Remember that public business content can also be used as evidence, for example about your income, so stay professional everywhere.

Consider a break from social media

Logging off, temporarily or for longer, removes triggers and prevents impulsive posts. A short message such as “Taking a break to focus on family and work; you can reach me by email” is enough for friends and gives nothing to gossip about.

How do you deal with your ex’s posts?

Secure the evidence first, then decide calmly whether to ignore, respond or take action. Retaliating online almost always weakens your own position.

Collect evidence correctly

Take a screenshot with the date and time visible, copy the URL and store both in a safe place. For posts that matter, ask a bailiff (gerechtsdeurwaarder) to record them in an official report (proces-verbaal van constatering). A court gives such a report considerable weight.

Ignore, respond or report?

Speak to your lawyer before you reply. Calm silence often works better than a public argument. Clear abuse, threats or doxing should be recorded and, where appropriate, reported to the police and to the platform.

Protect the children from online conflict

Use parental controls, tell the school if your child is being bullied online, and make clear to your ex that the children stay out of it. If your ex keeps posting about the children against your wishes, the court can decide on the matter.

Which legal steps are available?

Your lawyer can send a demand letter, ask the platform to remove the content or start summary proceedings. In an urgent kort geding, the court can order removal and a ban on new posts, usually with a penalty payment for each breach.

Platforms also have their own obligations. Under the EU Digital Services Act, they must offer a way to report illegal content and deal with such reports.

When do you need a lawyer straight away?

When there are threats, doxing, sexual images shared without consent, false criminal accusations or breaches of a contact ban. In those situations, contact a lawyer the same day and consider reporting the matter to the police.

Mediation or court proceedings?

Mediation is quicker and private, and it helps if you and your ex still have to raise children together. Court proceedings give you an enforceable order, with a penalty payment if needed. Your lawyer will weigh cost, the strength of the evidence and urgency.

How do you prepare for a consultation?

• a timeline of the incidents, in date order;
• screenshots with URLs and dates;
• data exports from the platform, if you have them;
• your goal: removal, damages, a contact ban or agreements for the future.

Digital forensic support

In complex cases, a digital forensic expert can help to secure and authenticate evidence, for example when your ex disputes that an account is theirs. Their report can be submitted to the court.

In summary

• Every post can become evidence: Dutch civil courts accept screenshots and weigh them freely.
• Facts are fine; insults and accusations you cannot prove can amount to defamation or an unlawful act.
• Posts about money or a new relationship can affect maintenance; under Article 1:160 BW living together as though married ends partner maintenance.
• Photos of children need the consent of both parents with authority; when in doubt, leave it out.
• Secure your ex’s unlawful posts properly and let your lawyer decide the next step, such as summary proceedings.

Frequently asked questions

The family law team at Law & More advises on divorce, parenting plans and removal of unlawful posts. Unsure where you stand? Tell us about your situation. We will let you know your options within one working day.

How Law & More can help you with this is explained on our divorce lawyer page.