Divorce is rarely straightforward. When one partner displays manipulative behaviour—or even narcissistic traits—the process becomes even more complex. Dutch courts are increasingly confronted with parties accusing each other of gaslighting, financial manipulation, or deliberately concealing assets. But how do Dutch judges weigh such allegations? When does behaviour qualify as legally relevant manipulation? And what evidence is required?
In this expert blog, we guide you through the legal landscape of narcissism and asset division in the Netherlands. We draw on current case law, relevant legislation, and practical insights for clients and legal professionals alike.
What constitutes narcissistic and manipulative behaviour in a legal context?
The terms “narcissism” and “manipulative behaviour” are commonly used in everyday language, but legally they require precise definition. Narcissism as a personality disorder is a medical diagnosis, but courts focus on conduct rather than psychiatric labels.
Manipulative behaviour in divorce proceedings can take various forms:
- Deliberately hiding or diverting assets
- Exerting psychological pressure to force the other party into certain agreements
- Knowingly providing false information to the court
- Intimidation, threats, or isolation of the partner
- Exploiting financial dependence or inexperience
These behaviours can have civil law consequences, such as deviation from the standard asset division, compensation for damages, or even annulment of prenuptial agreements. The court always assesses whether the behaviour is sufficiently serious and structural to have fundamentally undermined the legal relationship between the parties.
The legal framework: which statutory provisions are relevant?
Asset division upon divorce or dissolution of a partnership is primarily governed by the Dutch Civil Code (Burgerlijk Wetboek, BW). The key provisions are:
Equal division (Article 1:99 BW)
The main rule is that assets are divided equally upon dissolution of the marital community. Both partners receive half, unless otherwise agreed in a prenuptial agreement. This rule also applies to registered partners.
Abuse of rights (Article 3:13 BW)
A legal power may not be exercised in a manner contrary to reasonableness and fairness. Manipulative behaviour can be classified as abuse of rights, resulting in the court deviating from the main rule of equal division.
Deliberate concealment of assets (Article 1:135(3) BW)
If a party deliberately conceals or withholds assets, the full value must be compensated to the other spouse. This article is often invoked in cases of suspected financial manipulation.
Mismanagement (Articles 1:109 and 1:111 BW)
In cases of reckless debt creation, squandering, or withholding information, the community can be dissolved or damages can be claimed. These provisions protect against financial misconduct during marriage.
Undue influence (Article 3:44 BW)
Legal transactions entered into through undue influence—such as signing a prenuptial agreement under pressure—are voidable. The court examines the dependence, inexperience, or mental state of the disadvantaged party.
How do courts assess manipulative behaviour?
Restraint and a high evidentiary threshold
Courts adopt a cautious approach to allegations of manipulative or narcissistic behaviour. The bar is high: there must be structural and serious conduct that disrupts the bond of solidarity between the parties or leads to unacceptable outcomes.
In ECLI:NL:RBNHO:2025:15042, the court held that harmful behaviour—such as intimidation, blackmail, or stalking—does not automatically lead to the forfeiture of maintenance obligations or deviation from standard asset division. The court requires concrete evidence and carefully weighs all circumstances. Emotional pain or conflict during divorce is insufficient: there must be a legally relevant breach of norms.
This principle is confirmed in ECLI:NL:RBAMS:2023:947, where the court emphasises that misconduct alone does not suffice. Restraint is warranted, partly because measures such as terminating or reducing spousal maintenance are drastic and often irreversible.
Undue influence and dependence
In ECLI:NL:HR:2025:762, the Dutch Supreme Court (Hoge Raad) confirmed that undue influence when amending prenuptial agreements can lead to annulment. Manipulative behaviour, such as exploiting financial dependence or the other party’s inexperience, is taken very seriously. The court assesses all circumstances collectively: was there pressure, inequality in bargaining position, insufficient guidance, or lack of time to consider the consequences?
Vexatious litigation: when is there abuse of procedural rights?
Manipulative behaviour can also manifest in the way someone litigates. In ECLI:NL:RBNHO:2025:6495, the court states that abuse of procedural rights only occurs if a claim is manifestly unfounded and filed solely to harm the other party. The right of access to the courts (Article 6 ECHR) requires restraint in finding vexatious litigation.
This means that even repeated proceedings or uncooperative behaviour are not automatically classified as abuse. There must be a clear pattern of evident misuse of rights, unreasonably burdening the other party.
Gaslighting, coercive control, and undue influence: from criminal to civil context
The concepts of gaslighting, coercive control, and undue influence originally stem from criminal law and psychological literature, but are increasingly finding their way into civil proceedings.
What do these terms mean?
- Gaslighting: a form of psychological manipulation in which the victim is systematically led to doubt their own perception, memory, or sanity.
- Coercive control: a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour that restricts the victim’s freedom and autonomy, often accompanied by isolation, financial control, or intimidation.
- Undue influence: improper influence or pressure, causing someone to make a decision inconsistent with their own will or interests.
In ECLI:NL:RBZWB:2025:1078, the court provides extensive discussion of these techniques in a criminal law context. The court recognises that coercive control and gaslighting have a serious impact on victims, and that such behaviours can also be classified as manipulative conduct in civil cases.
How do courts weigh criminal evidence in civil proceedings?
Article 161 of the Dutch Code of Civil Procedure (Rv) provides that a final criminal conviction constitutes conclusive evidence in civil proceedings of the facts proven in that conviction. This means that if someone has been criminally convicted of, for example, threats, assault, or stalking, the civil court may rely on this finding.
But even without a criminal conviction, evidence from criminal proceedings can be used. Police reports, witness statements, and reports on coercive control can carry significant weight in civil asset division cases, especially if they demonstrate a structural pattern of manipulative behaviour.
However, the civil court retains its own discretion: it is not bound by the classification or outcome of the criminal case and must independently assess whether the alleged behaviour has civil law consequences.
What evidence works? Practical tips for building your case
Proving manipulative behaviour is no easy task. The court requires concrete, objective, and verifiable evidence. Here are some practical pointers:
Collect written communications
Emails, WhatsApp messages, text messages, and letters can reveal manipulative behaviour. For example, messages exerting pressure, making threats, or providing false information.
Document financial records
Bank statements, contracts, invoices, and tax returns can prove that assets have been diverted or concealed. Be thorough and detailed in your documentation.
Engage witnesses
Family members, friends, neighbours, colleagues, or therapists can confirm that they witnessed intimidating or manipulative behaviour. Witness statements are taken seriously, especially when multiple witnesses present a consistent picture.
Involve experts
A psychiatrist, psychologist, or behavioural expert can prepare a report on the impact of the behaviour on you as the victim. A forensic accountant can also help trace hidden assets.
Document the pattern
The court looks for structural behaviour. Isolated incidents carry less weight than a demonstrable pattern of manipulation over time. Keep a log of relevant incidents.
Use criminal sources
If criminal proceedings are ongoing or have concluded, police reports, judgments, and reports from probation services or victim support can be submitted in civil proceedings.
In ECLI:NL:HR:1970:AB6706, the Supreme Court confirms that circumstantial evidence is permissible, provided it is based on concrete facts and circumstances. This means that indirect evidence—such as unexplained financial transactions or contradictory statements—can also contribute to the burden of proof.
Defence options for the accused party
The accused party also has the right to defend against allegations of manipulative behaviour. Some defence options include:
Denial and counter-evidence
The accused can actively provide counter-evidence, for example by pointing to alternative explanations for the alleged behaviour or by submitting their own witnesses and documents.
Demonstrating lack of evidence
If the claimant provides insufficient concrete evidence, the accused can point this out. The burden of proof rests on the party relying on the manipulative behaviour (Article 150 Rv).
Invoking the duty of truthfulness
The accused can invoke the duty of truthfulness (Article 21 Rv) and argue that the allegations are false or exaggerated. It can also be argued that the claimant is not fully truthful either.
Emphasising context and emotion
Divorces are emotionally charged. The accused can argue that certain statements or behaviours stem from the conflict itself, and do not indicate structural manipulative behaviour.
Engaging experts
The accused can also have an expert prepare a report, for example to demonstrate that there was no psychological coercion or that financial dealings were transparent.
False accusations: consequences and sanctions
Making false or unfounded accusations can have serious consequences. Article 21 Rv requires parties to present all relevant facts completely and truthfully. If this duty is breached, the court may draw the conclusions it deems appropriate.
What sanctions are possible?
- Dismissal of the claim: if allegations prove unfounded, the court may dismiss the claim entirely.
- Cost orders: the party making false accusations may be ordered to pay the other party’s legal costs, sometimes even doubled.
- Damages: the aggrieved party can file a separate claim for damages for tort (Article 6:162 BW).
- Revocation of judgment (Article 383 Rv): if a judgment is based on fraud or false documents, the aggrieved party can file a claim for revocation within three months of discovering the grounds.
- Criminal complaint: in serious cases, the court may consider filing a criminal complaint for, for example, perjury or forgery.
In ECLI:NL:RBDHA:2025:14156, a party who knowingly provided false information and manipulated evidence was ordered to have their claims dismissed and pay double legal costs with regard to the liquidation rate (solicitor’s fees). This underscores that courts have zero tolerance for deception.
Practical implications: what can clients expect?
Lengthy proceedings
Proceedings involving manipulative behaviour often take longer than usual. Thorough evidence must be gathered, witnesses heard, and experts possibly engaged. Expect a duration of one and a half to three years, depending on complexity.
High emotional and financial burden
Proving manipulative behaviour is emotionally taxing. It takes courage to give testimony and revisit painful memories. Financially, costs can mount, for example through engaging experts or lengthy proceedings.
No guarantee of success
Even with substantial evidence, there is no guarantee that the court will deviate from the main rule of equal division. The court weighs all interests and circumstances and retains discretion.
Importance of legal assistance
A specialised family law attorney is indispensable. They can help build the evidence, formulate the right claims, and guide the client through the emotionally charged process.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
1. What is the legal difference between narcissistic behaviour and manipulative behaviour in divorce proceedings?
Narcissism is a medical diagnosis and has no legal significance as such. Manipulative behaviour, on the other hand, refers to concrete actions that undermine the legal relationship between parties, such as hiding assets, exerting psychological pressure, or providing false information. The court looks at the conduct, not psychiatric labels.
2. Can I receive more maintenance or a larger share of the assets if my ex displayed manipulative behaviour?
That depends on the seriousness and provability of the behaviour. The main rule is equal division and reasonable maintenance. Only in cases of structural and serious manipulative behaviour, well-substantiated with evidence, can the court deviate based on abuse of rights or tort.
3. What is undue influence and when does it apply?
Undue influence (Article 3:44 BW) occurs when someone enters into a legal transaction under the influence of special circumstances such as dependence, inexperience, or mental duress, and the other party exploits this. This can lead to annulment of, for example, prenuptial agreements signed under pressure.
4. How do I prove that my ex has hidden or diverted assets?
Collect bank statements, contracts, tax returns, and other financial documents. If necessary, engage a forensic accountant. Witness statements from persons aware of the financial situation can also help. The court can order additional evidence gathering on its own motion.
5. What is gaslighting, and does the court consider it in civil proceedings?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the victim is systematically led to doubt their own perception. In civil proceedings, gaslighting can be classified as manipulative behaviour, especially if it forms part of a pattern of psychological pressure. Evidence of gaslighting can contribute to a finding of undue influence or tort.
6. Can coercive control be used as evidence in a civil case on asset division?
Yes. Coercive control—a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour—can be classified as structural manipulative behaviour in civil proceedings. Criminal reports, police files, and witness statements on coercive control are taken seriously by civil courts, especially when they demonstrate a consistent pattern.
7. My ex is making false accusations. What are the legal consequences for them?
False accusations can lead to dismissal of claims, cost orders, damages for tort, and in serious cases even revocation of judgment (Article 383 Rv). The court may also consider filing a criminal complaint for perjury or forgery.
8. Can I have a prenuptial agreement annulled if I was pressured into signing it?
Yes, if there was undue influence (Article 3:44 BW). You must prove that you were under pressure, financially dependent, or did not have sufficient time to consider the consequences, and that your ex exploited this. The court assesses all circumstances collectively.
9. How long does a procedure involving manipulative behaviour take?
These proceedings often take longer than average, as thorough evidence must be gathered and witnesses or experts heard. Expect one and a half to three years, depending on complexity and the number of court levels.
10. What can a lawyer do for me if my ex refuses to cooperate with the asset division?
A lawyer can file a claim to dissolve the community, request the imposition of penalty payments, or order evidence gathering. The court can also take measures on its own motion to advance the proceedings, such as hearing witnesses or engaging an expert.
11. Is a narcissistic personality disorder relevant to the court, or do I need to prove a diagnosis?
The court does not look at diagnoses, but at concrete behaviours. You do not need to submit a medical diagnosis. What matters is whether there was structural and serious manipulative behaviour that justifies legal consequences.
12. What happens if my ex provides false information to the court?
Providing false information is a violation of the duty of truthfulness (Article 21 of the Code of Civil Procedure) and may result in the rejection of claims, an order to pay legal costs, damages or even criminal charges. The judge may draw whatever conclusions he deems appropriate.
Conclusion: a careful balance between protection and legal certainty
Judges take a cautious and nuanced approach to allegations of narcissistic or manipulative behaviour in proceedings concerning the division of assets. The legal frameworks—Article 1:99 of the Civil Code, Article 3:13 of the Civil Code, Article 1:135 of the Civil Code, Article 3:44 of the Civil Code—allow for correction, but the burden of proof is heavy and the judge weighs all circumstances in conjunction.
Only in cases of structural and serious manipulative behaviour, well substantiated with evidence from various sources, can the main rules of property law be deviated from. Gaslighting, coercive control and other forms of psychological manipulation are increasingly finding their way into the courtroom, and judges recognise the seriousness of this, provided it is sufficiently demonstrated.
For clients dealing with manipulative behaviour during a divorce, it is important to seek legal assistance at an early stage, gather thorough evidence and be patient. The process can be long and emotionally draining, but with the right guidance and solid evidence, justice can be done.
Would you like to know how Law & More can support you in a complex divorce or division of assets?
Contact us today for a confidential and no-obligation consultation. Our solicitors have years of experience in family law and are ready to assist you.
