Divorce with children in the Netherlands: what must separating parents arrange?

If you divorce in the Netherlands and you have minor children, you must file a parenting plan (ouderschapsplan) with the divorce petition, and you both keep joint parental authority (gezamenlijk gezag) unless the court decides otherwise. Both of you also remain liable for the costs of the children until they turn twenty-one; the main exception is that the court decides the arrangements itself if you could not reasonably agree on a plan.

Below we explain what changes legally in a divorce with children and what does not, what the parenting plan must contain, how authority, residence and child maintenance work, how the court hears your children, how long the procedure takes, and what you can do when the other parent does not keep to the arrangement.

What changes legally when parents divorce, and what does not?

A divorce ends the marriage, not your parenthood. The legal relationship between you and your children stays the same, and so does your joint parental authority.

Parents who exercised joint authority during the marriage continue to exercise it after the divorce. This follows from Article 1:251(2) of the Dutch Civil Code (Burgerlijk Wetboek, BW). You both keep the right and the duty to decide about school, medical treatment, the place where the children live and their passports. You both also keep the obligation to contribute to the costs of the children.

What has to be reorganised is everything practical that the marriage arranged without words. Where do the children live on paper? How is the care divided across two households? How do you inform and consult each other, and who pays what? Dutch law does not leave this to goodwill. It requires you to write it down before the court will deal with the divorce at all.

The same duty applies outside marriage. Parents who end a registered partnership, and unmarried parents with joint authority who stop living together, also have to draw up a parenting plan. The procedure differs, but your duty towards the children is the same.

Why do you need a parenting plan before you can file for divorce?

The parenting plan is a formal requirement of the divorce petition. Without it, the court can declare your petition inadmissible, unless you explain why an agreed plan was reasonably impossible.

Since 1 March 2009, Article 815(2) of the Dutch Code of Civil Procedure (Wetboek van Burgerlijke Rechtsvordering, Rv) has required a parenting plan in every divorce petition where there are minor children. It is not a recommendation. Only if you cannot reasonably provide a plan may you file without one. You then have to set out what you did to reach agreement and how you think matters should be arranged. The court will then decide on the arrangements for the children itself.

The law also prescribes what the plan must cover. Under Article 815(3) Rv it must at least contain:

• how you divide the care and upbringing tasks, or how contact with the other parent is arranged;
• how you will inform and consult each other about important matters concerning the children, such as school, health and where they live;
• how you share the costs of care and upbringing.

In addition, the petition itself must state how the children were involved in drawing up the plan (Article 815(4) Rv). Anything else you want to agree can be added, from holidays and handovers to how a new partner is introduced. The statutory elements, however, cannot be left out. Our guide to the parenting plan in the Netherlands works through each of them.

A parenting plan is not frozen once it is signed. Children grow, work changes, one parent moves. You can amend the plan together at any time. If you cannot agree, either of you can ask the court to change the arrangement. In practice it helps far more to build in an evaluation moment, and a route for what happens if one of you wants a change, than to try to write an arrangement that will still fit a fifteen-year-old.

Who has parental authority after the divorce?

You both do. Joint parental authority continues after divorce by operation of law, and the court only gives one parent sole authority in exceptional cases.

Neither parent loses authority because of the divorce. Neither can be given sole authority simply because the other is difficult to deal with. Under Article 1:251a(1) BW, the court only assigns authority to one parent if there is an unacceptable risk that the child becomes trapped or lost between the parents and improvement is not expected within a foreseeable period, or if a change is otherwise necessary in the interests of the child. That threshold is deliberately high, and most requests for sole authority are refused.

Joint authority has practical consequences. Choosing a school, consenting to medical treatment, applying for a passport and moving house all require both parents. If you face a decision that the other parent refuses to take, you can ask the court to decide the disputed point under Article 1:253a BW. The court then rules on the basis of the interests of the child.

That route also covers the situation that generates most litigation after a divorce: one parent wanting to move with the children, within the Netherlands or abroad. You need the other parent’s consent or a court order. Moving first and asking afterwards is a poor strategy, and moving abroad without consent can amount to child abduction. We deal with the cross-border version of this question in our article on moving abroad during your divorce.

Where will the children live: main residence or shared care?

The main residence (hoofdverblijfplaats) is where your child is registered; the care arrangement (zorgregeling) is how the time and care are actually divided. The two do not have to match: a child can be registered at one address while the care is shared equally.

The main residence is the address at which a child is registered in the Personal Records Database (Basisregistratie Personen, BRP). It is an administrative fact with real consequences, because child benefit, the child-related budget and several allowances follow that registration. The care arrangement is the practical division of care and time between the two households.

Dutch law does not prescribe any particular division. There is no statutory percentage that turns an arrangement into co-parenting. Equal or near-equal shared care is common and works well if you live close together and communicate reliably. An arrangement built around one main home and regular contact is equally lawful. It is often more workable if the distance between the homes is longer or if you cannot yet cooperate well. What the law requires is that the arrangement serves the interests of the child and that it is actually carried out.

Some obligations between the parents also survive the divorce. Parents with joint authority must consult each other on important decisions about the children. A parent who does not have authority is entitled to be informed about important matters by the other parent (Article 1:377b BW). Under Article 1:377c BW, that parent can also ask professionals such as the school or the family doctor for information, unless giving it would be contrary to the interests of the child.

How is child maintenance calculated?

Both parents contribute to the costs of their children in proportion to their financial capacity. The obligation continues until the child turns twenty-one, and it does not depend on marriage, authority or the amount of contact.

Parents must pay for the care and upbringing of their minor children. Under Article 1:395a BW, they must also contribute to the living and study costs of children aged eighteen to twenty-one. The duty exists whether or not you were married, whether or not you have authority and however much time the children spend with you.

The amount is calculated using the guidelines that Dutch courts apply, drawn up by the expert group on maintenance standards (Expertgroep Alimentatienormen). The calculation works in three steps:

• First, the need of the child is established, based on the net family income before the separation.
• Then the capacity of each parent to pay is calculated from their net disposable income.
• Finally, the need is divided between the parents in proportion to that capacity. A care discount (zorgkorting) reflects the costs the paying parent already carries on the days the child is with them.

That is why a broadly equal division of care usually lowers the maintenance figure but does not automatically remove it. If your incomes differ, a contribution normally remains payable. Our article on the child maintenance calculation in the Netherlands sets out the steps in more detail.

You can record maintenance in the parenting plan and have the court confirm it, or the court can set it if you disagree. An amount once set is not permanent. A change of circumstances, such as a new job, redundancy or a change in the care arrangement, is a ground to ask the court to reassess it (Article 1:401 BW). If a court-ordered amount is not paid, you can hand collection over to the National Maintenance Collection Agency (Landelijk Bureau Inning Onderhoudsbijdragen, LBIO), which can recover the arrears.

Will the court listen to your children?

Yes. Under Article 809 Rv, the court does not decide matters concerning a child of twelve or older without first giving that child the chance to give their views. Younger children can be heard as well if the court considers this appropriate.

In practice, children of twelve and older receive an invitation for a short conversation with the judge, known as the kindgesprek. They may also write a letter instead, or choose not to respond. A child of twelve or older can, in certain matters such as contact, the care arrangement or authority, also approach the court informally on their own initiative, without a lawyer and without their parents filing anything. The court may then decide on its own motion (see for example Article 1:251a(4) BW).

The conversation is not a moment at which the child is asked to choose between the parents, and it is not the child who decides. The court forms its own view and gives reasons. Where the interests of the child and those of the parents genuinely conflict, the court can appoint a special representative for the child, the bijzondere curator (Article 1:250 BW), whose task is to represent the child in the proceedings.

As mentioned, the petition must also state how the children were involved in drawing up the parenting plan. That is a modest but real obligation. It forces you to think about what the children have been told and what they think, before an arrangement is presented to them as settled.

How does the divorce procedure run, and how long does it take?

A divorce petition can only be filed by a lawyer. If you agree on everything, the court often decides on the papers within a few weeks; if you disagree, there will be at least one hearing and the case takes considerably longer.

If you agree, one lawyer or one mediator can prepare the petition and you both sign it as a joint request. If you do not agree, each of you instructs your own lawyer and the other parent can file a statement of defence. The petition goes to the district court (rechtbank) that has jurisdiction, usually the court of the place where one of you lives, and it is accompanied by the parenting plan.

In a contested case the court holds a hearing, sometimes more than one. It may refer you to mediation or ask the Child Protection Board (Raad voor de Kinderbescherming) to investigate before it decides. Under Article 358(2) Rv, you can appeal the decision within three months of the date of the decision.

Two deadlines are easy to overlook. The first is that the divorce is not effective when the court gives its decision. Under Article 1:163 BW, it takes effect only when the decision is registered in the civil registry. The request for registration must be made within six months after the decision has become final. If you miss that deadline, the decision loses its force and the whole procedure has to be repeated.

The second is that you can ask for arrangements for the period before the divorce is final. That is what provisional measures (voorlopige voorzieningen) are for. They can settle who stays in the family home, where the children live and what maintenance is paid while the case runs. We explain them in our article on provisional measures in divorce proceedings.

Court fees (griffierecht) are set each year by the government and depend on the type of case and your income. If your income and assets fall below the statutory thresholds, you can apply for subsidised legal aid through the Legal Aid Board (Raad voor Rechtsbijstand). You then pay a personal contribution based on your income.

What can you do if the other parent does not keep to the arrangement?

A care arrangement laid down in a court decision is enforceable. If the other parent structurally frustrates contact, you can go back to the court, which has several instruments to restore it.

The court can attach a penalty payment (dwangsom) to the arrangement, change the arrangement or order an investigation. In extreme cases it can order that the arrangement be enforced with the assistance of the police. It can also transfer the main residence to the other parent, although that is a last resort.

Before you take any of these steps, be precise about what is actually going wrong. Courts distinguish between a parent who obstructs contact and a child who resists it. They also distinguish between an arrangement that is being frustrated and one that has simply become unworkable because of distance, school or the age of the child. The remedy differs accordingly, and a request framed on the wrong footing tends to fail. Where the conflict has become entrenched, the court may ask the Child Protection Board to investigate and advise.

Consider this hypothetical example. A father has contact every other weekend, but for three months the mother has cancelled every visit, each time for a different reason. If the child is eight and the reasons are not substantiated, a request for a penalty payment is a logical step. If the child is fifteen and says he no longer wants to go because of his sports schedule, a request to adjust the arrangement is usually more realistic.

What if your family is international?

First establish which court has jurisdiction over the children and which law applies. Within the European Union, jurisdiction over parental responsibility in principle lies with the courts of the country where the child habitually resides.

This matters if one parent is not Dutch, if the family has lived abroad, or if one parent wants to return to their country of origin. Since 1 August 2022, jurisdiction over parental responsibility within the EU has been governed by Regulation (EU) 2019/1111 (Brussels II ter). Under Article 7 of that regulation, jurisdiction in principle follows the habitual residence of the child. A Dutch court can therefore be competent to grant the divorce while a court in another country is competent to decide about the children, or the other way round.

Taking a child abroad without the consent of the other parent with authority, or keeping the child there after an agreed visit, is international child abduction. The Hague Child Abduction Convention of 1980 provides for the swift return of the child to the country of habitual residence. Return proceedings are fast and the grounds for refusing return are narrow. This is the area in which acting before rather than after the move makes the largest difference, and where you should involve a lawyer at the planning stage. Our article on which Dutch court has jurisdiction over international families sets out the framework.

Which mistakes should you avoid in a divorce with children?

Most disputes after a divorce go back to a small number of avoidable mistakes in the parenting plan and in the practical follow-up. Four of them come up again and again.

The first is signing a parenting plan that only describes the present. A plan built around a schedule that suits a six-year-old, and that says nothing about how it will be reviewed, produces a fresh dispute three years later. Write in an evaluation moment and a procedure for changing the arrangement.

The second is leaving the financial part vague. A plan that says the parents will share the costs of the children “in a reasonable way” is not a maintenance arrangement and cannot be enforced. State an amount, state what it covers, state what happens with exceptional costs such as braces or school trips, and state how it will be indexed and reviewed.

The third is using the children as messengers or as a source of information about the other household. Courts notice this. It is also a factor the court weighs when it assesses whether a parent can give the child room to have a relationship with the other parent.

The fourth is arranging everything except the paperwork. The registration in the Personal Records Database, the notification to the school, the child benefit and allowances, the health insurance policy and the beneficiary designations on life insurance all need to be brought into line with the new situation. And do not forget the six-month deadline for registering the divorce itself.

In summary

• You must file a parenting plan with the divorce petition (Article 815 Rv); without it the court can declare your petition inadmissible.
• Joint parental authority continues after the divorce; sole authority is only granted in exceptional cases (Article 1:251a BW).
• Both parents pay for the children until they turn twenty-one, in proportion to their capacity; shared care lowers but does not always remove child maintenance.
• Children of twelve and older are given the chance to be heard by the court (Article 809 Rv), but they do not decide.
• The divorce only takes effect once registered, and registration must be requested within six months after the decision has become final (Article 1:163 BW).

Frequently asked questions about divorce with children

Law & More drafts parenting plans, calculates and negotiates child maintenance, conducts proceedings on authority, main residence, contact and relocation, and advises on jurisdiction when your family has ties to more than one country. Where you can work together, we do this through mediation or a joint petition. You can read more on our family law page or about our divorce lawyers. Unsure where you stand? Tell us about your situation. We will let you know your options within one working day.