Yes, you can get divorced in the Netherlands even if your spouse does not agree. The court dissolves the marriage at the request of one spouse once the marriage has broken down irretrievably; your spouse can contest the arrangements and slow the process down, but cannot stop the divorce itself. Below you will find how the unilateral procedure works, what you can arrange in the meantime, and how to deal with delay.
A unilateral divorce is a divorce granted at the request of one spouse without the consent of the other. Dutch law does not require agreement. Under Article 1:151 of the Dutch Civil Code (BW), the court dissolves a marriage on the ground of irretrievable breakdown (duurzame ontwrichting) at the request of one or both spouses. Almost all of the real work lies in the arrangements around the divorce.
Does your spouse have to agree to the divorce?
No. Dutch law has only one ground for divorce, irretrievable breakdown, and the court accepts it when one spouse maintains that the marriage is over.
Irretrievable breakdown means that living together has become unbearable and there is no prospect of restoring a proper marital relationship. You do not need to prove fault, adultery or any other cause. There is no separation period to sit out first either. In practice the court accepts the breakdown if one spouse insists on it. The fact that one party insists on the divorce is itself the clearest evidence that the relationship cannot be restored.
So can a spouse block the divorce? The short answer is no. A reluctant spouse can file a defence and dispute the arrangements for the children, the maintenance and the division of property. He or she can ask for postponements and appeal against the decision. Each of those is a legitimate step, and each takes time. The divorce itself, however, is not in real doubt.
What is the difference between a joint and a unilateral petition?
A joint petition is filed by both spouses on the basis of an agreed settlement. A unilateral petition is filed by one spouse and served on the other.
With a joint petition (gemeenschappelijk verzoek), the agreements are usually recorded in a divorce settlement (echtscheidingsconvenant). With a unilateral petition (eenzijdig verzoek), the other spouse becomes the respondent. The unilateral route is not a hostile act in itself. It is simply the procedure for situations in which a joint petition is not possible. Many unilateral cases end in a settlement before the hearing.
How does the unilateral procedure work, step by step?
Your lawyer files a petition with the court, a bailiff serves it on your spouse, and your spouse has six weeks to file a defence. The court then decides, on the papers or after a hearing.
Step 1: the petition
A divorce petition must be filed by a lawyer (advocaat). You cannot file it yourself. The petition goes to the district court where the applicant lives. In cases with an international element, the Brussels IIb Regulation (EU 2019/1111), which has applied since 1 August 2022, decides which court in the European Union has jurisdiction. It generally looks at habitual residence or nationality, not at the place where the marriage was celebrated.
The petition sets out the ground for divorce and the ancillary requests. These cover the arrangements for the children, spousal and child maintenance, the use of the family home, the division of property or the settlement under the prenuptial agreement, and pension division.
Step 2: service and defence
A bailiff serves the petition on the other spouse. From that moment the respondent has six weeks to file a defence (verweerschrift). An extension is often granted on request.
In the defence, the respondent can oppose the ancillary requests. He or she can also make requests of his or her own. Those then become part of the same case.
Step 3: the decision and appeal
If no defence is filed, the court can decide on the papers, and the divorce is often pronounced within a few months. If a defence is filed, or if there are minor children, the court will normally schedule a hearing.
The court’s decision is called a beschikking. Both parties may appeal to the court of appeal within three months. After that, an appeal in cassation to the Supreme Court is possible on points of law. If both spouses accept the decision, they can record that in a deed of acquiescence (akte van berusting). The decision then becomes final immediately, instead of after three months.
Step 4: registration within six months
This step is easy to overlook and fatal to forget. The divorce only takes effect once the decision is entered in the civil status registers (registers van de burgerlijke stand) of the municipality where the marriage was concluded.
The entry must be made within six months after the decision has become final. If that deadline passes without registration, the decision loses its force. The whole procedure then has to start again.
What can you arrange while the divorce is pending?
You can ask the court for provisional measures (voorlopige voorzieningen) under Article 821 and following of the Dutch Code of Civil Procedure (Rv). These settle the house, the children and maintenance for the period until the divorce is final.
A contested divorce can take many months. In the meantime, two people who no longer want to live together still share a house, a bank balance and often children. The court can decide which spouse may use the family home to the exclusion of the other. It can decide where the children will live and which contact arrangements apply. It can also set the maintenance to be paid in the meantime.
These proceedings are fast. The hearing is normally held within a few weeks, and the measures take effect immediately. They are provisional in the strict sense. They stay in force until the divorce is registered and the final arrangements take over, and they do not decide the outcome of the main case. If your spouse refuses to engage at all, or living under one roof has become untenable, this is usually the first application to make rather than the last.
What if there is violence or intimidation?
Then the route is different and faster still. Raise it with your lawyer at the first meeting, because it changes the order of every other step.
The mayor can impose a temporary restraining order (tijdelijk huisverbod). The interim relief judge can impose a contact ban or an order to leave the home.
How do you arrange the children when your spouse will not cooperate?
You file the petition without a signed parenting plan and explain why one could not be made. The court can then decide the arrangements for the children itself.
Spouses with minor children must submit a parenting plan (ouderschapsplan) with the divorce petition, under Article 815 Rv. The plan records where the children will live, how care and upbringing are divided, how the parents will inform and consult each other, and the costs of the children. Joint parental authority continues after divorce as a matter of course. Divorce does not change who holds authority.
The obvious problem in a unilateral divorce is that a parenting plan needs two signatures. The law anticipates this. If a plan cannot reasonably be produced, the petition must explain what you did to reach one and why it did not work. Evidence of genuine attempts matters here: written proposals, an invitation to mediation, and the response or silence that followed. A parent who files without any attempt gives the court a reason to send the parents back to try.
How is child maintenance decided?
Child maintenance is based on the needs of the child and on what each parent can afford. The family courts use standards that are updated every year.
The duty of support runs until the child turns eighteen. For children aged eighteen to twenty-one, Article 1:395a BW obliges parents to contribute to the costs of living and study. Before deciding on matters concerning a child of twelve or older, the court must give the child the opportunity to give his or her view (Article 809 Rv). The court can also appoint a special representative for a child.
What happens to property, maintenance and pension without agreement?
The court decides on the basis of your matrimonial property regime, the statutory maintenance rules and the pension division rules. The date of your marriage matters a great deal.
What has to be divided?
For marriages entered into on or after 1 January 2018, the default is a limited community of property (beperkte gemeenschap van goederen). What each spouse owned before the marriage, and gifts and inheritances, remain private. What was built up during the marriage is shared.
Marriages concluded before that date fall under the old general community of property, unless the spouses made a prenuptial agreement (huwelijkse voorwaarden). Where there is a prenuptial agreement, the divorce is the moment its settlement clauses must be performed. Clauses that were never applied during the marriage are a frequent source of dispute.
When is spousal maintenance owed, and for how long?
Spousal maintenance (partneralimentatie) is owed where one former spouse has too little income and the other can afford to contribute. Since 1 January 2020 it lasts half the length of the marriage, with a maximum of five years.
There are exceptions. If there are children, maintenance runs at least until the youngest child turns twelve. After a marriage of more than fifteen years, longer periods apply to a recipient who is close to state pension age. The amount depends on need and capacity to pay. In practice it is the calculation, not the principle, that is usually contested.
How is pension divided?
Pension built up during the marriage is shared under the Pension Rights Equalisation Act (Wet verevening pensioenrechten bij scheiding). In principle each spouse is entitled to half of the old-age pension the other built up during the marriage.
Notify the pension provider within two years of the divorce, using the statutory form. After that period the provider is no longer obliged to pay your share to you directly, and you have to settle it with your former spouse yourselves. Spouses may agree a different arrangement, such as conversion into an independent pension right. That requires the cooperation of the other spouse and usually of the pension provider. A bill to replace these rules with a new pension division scheme has been before the House of Representatives since 2019. It has not been adopted, so the current rules still apply.
The tax consequences of a divorce, including the treatment of maintenance and of the family home, should be assessed by a tax adviser. We keep to the legal side and work with your adviser where the two overlap.
Is mediation still useful if your spouse refuses to talk?
Often, yes. Mediation is voluntary and a reluctant spouse frequently declines it, but a written invitation is still worth making.
An invitation to mediation, even one that is refused, documents an attempt to reach a parenting plan. It costs little. Refusals are often withdrawn once the petition has actually been filed and the situation has become real rather than hypothetical.
Where mediation does get started, it tends to work best on a limited agenda. Agreeing the arrangements for the children first, and leaving the financial settlement to the lawyers, is often more productive than putting everything on one table. Anything agreed can be recorded in a settlement and attached to the petition. The court then confirms it instead of deciding it.
Mediation also has limits that you should recognise early. It is not suitable where there has been coercion or violence, where one spouse hides financial information, or where the imbalance between the parties means an agreement would not be freely made. In those situations going to court is not a failure of goodwill. It is the right route.
What can you do about delay tactics?
A spouse who does not want the divorce has only a few ways to slow it down, and each has an answer. Delay costs both sides money and changes very little.
Requests to extend the defence period are commonly granted once, less readily a second time. A refusal to disclose financial information can be met with an order to produce documents. The court may draw conclusions from a party who withholds them. Not appearing at a hearing does not stop the court from deciding. An appeal suspends the effect of the decision, but the divorce itself is rarely reversed on appeal, and provisional measures remain in force in the meantime.
What if your former spouse does not comply after the decision?
Each form of non-compliance has its own remedy. Unpaid maintenance, a refusal to sign and obstructed contact can all be addressed.
Unpaid maintenance can be collected by the National Maintenance Collection Agency (Landelijk Bureau Inning Onderhoudsbijdragen, LBIO), which can attach wages and benefits. For child maintenance, this service is free for the parent who receives it. If your former spouse refuses to cooperate in transferring the house or signing at the notary, you can ask the court for a decision that replaces the missing signature. You can also ask for a penalty payment (dwangsom) attached to the obligation to cooperate. Obstruction of contact arrangements can be brought back before the family court.
The practical lesson is worth saying plainly to a spouse who is resisting. The resistance is usually about the end of the marriage, not about the terms. No procedural step will change that ending.
How should you prepare before you file?
Gather the documents first, think about the house early, and get advice before you talk to your spouse. In a contested divorce, the paperwork does not arrive on request.
You will need the marriage certificate and the children’s birth certificates, any prenuptial agreement, and the last three years of tax returns and annual statements. Add recent payslips, bank statements, the mortgage deed and a recent valuation of the home, pension statements from every provider, and an overview of debts. A party who starts without this material spends months catching up.
The house is usually the largest asset and the hardest decision. The realistic options are a sale with division of the proceeds, or one spouse taking over the property and the mortgage. The second option requires the lender to release the other spouse from the mortgage. That release is not automatic and depends on the remaining income. If neither option is possible straight away, the provisional measures can include an interim arrangement about who lives in the house and who pays the mortgage.
Finally, get advice before the conversation with your spouse, not after it. If you know the likely outcome on maintenance, the home and the children, an emotional discussion becomes a manageable one. It also prevents commitments in the first week that are hard to withdraw later. Our family law guides cover the individual subjects in more detail.
Which mistakes make a difficult divorce worse?
Waiting for consent, leaving the home without an arrangement, involving the children, agreeing a settlement blind, and moving money. Each of them costs you later.
There is no legal reason to wait until your spouse comes round. The waiting period is rarely used to reach agreement; it is used to postpone. Leaving the family home without an arrangement does not cost you your ownership. But it makes returning difficult, and it can influence the interim arrangements for the children.
Involving the children in the conflict is the most damaging mistake. The court protects children of divorcing parents, and their interests decide the outcome of decisions about them. A parent who uses them to pass messages, or as a witness to the other parent’s behaviour, is not helping his or her own case.
Agreeing a financial settlement without knowing what is being divided is the fourth mistake. The fifth is emptying accounts or moving assets before the division. It can be traced, it is taken into account in the settlement, and it damages your credibility on every other point.
How long does a unilateral divorce take?
That depends on the defence. An unopposed petition can be dealt with on the papers within months; a fully contested case takes considerably longer.
If the petition is unopposed, with a parenting plan or with the ancillary matters left to be settled later, the court can decide quickly. A case in which the children, the maintenance and the division of property are all contested requires a hearing, sometimes more than one, and expert valuations. An appeal adds a further stage measured in months rather than weeks.
Two things shorten the process more than anything else. The first is separating the divorce itself from the ancillary matters. The court can pronounce the divorce and deal with the remaining disputes afterwards, so the marriage ends while the argument about the house continues. The second is a deed of acquiescence, which removes the three-month appeal period and allows immediate registration. Raise both with your lawyer at the outset.
What if the marriage has a cross-border element?
A Dutch court can often still hear the divorce, but check jurisdiction, applicable law and recognition abroad before you file. Many divorces in the Netherlands involve a marriage abroad, a spouse of another nationality, or a spouse who has left the country.
Within the European Union, the Brussels IIb Regulation allows a court to hear a divorce on the basis of the habitual residence of the spouses or of the applicant, or of their common nationality, subject to residence conditions. A Dutch court can dissolve a marriage celebrated abroad if it is recognised here. A foreign marriage certificate normally has to be legalised or given an apostille before it can be registered.
Which law applies is a separate question. When the case is heard in the Netherlands, Dutch private international law starts from Dutch law for the divorce itself. The property consequences depend on the regime that applied when the marriage was concluded and on any choice of law the spouses made. This can produce a divorce under Dutch law with a division of property under foreign law. That is why your marriage history matters as much as your current address.
Consider recognition before you file, not after. A divorce granted in an EU Member State is recognised throughout the European Union without a special procedure. Outside the EU, recognition depends on the rules of the country concerned. If you plan to remarry abroad or own property there, find out in advance what that country requires. Where a religious marriage exists alongside the civil one, the civil divorce does not dissolve it. The cooperation needed for a religious dissolution can be made part of the settlement.
What does a unilateral divorce cost?
The cost depends mainly on how many issues are actually litigated rather than settled. A contested case costs considerably more than an unopposed one.
The costs consist of your lawyer’s fees, the court fee (griffierecht), the bailiff’s fee for serving the petition and, where property is involved, valuation and notary fees. The court fee is fixed by law, depends on income and is adjusted every year. Check the current rate in the table published by the Dutch judiciary rather than relying on any article.
Subsidised legal aid (gefinancierde rechtsbijstand) is available to people whose income and assets fall below the limits of the Legal Aid Board (Raad voor Rechtsbijstand), against a personal contribution. Those limits and contributions are set each year. Law & More does not act on the basis of subsidised legal aid. The Juridisch Loket can refer you to firms that do.
In summary
- Your spouse cannot block a divorce: the court grants it on irretrievable breakdown at the request of one spouse (Article 1:151 BW).
- A lawyer files the petition; your spouse has six weeks to file a defence, and either party can appeal within three months.
- Have the decision registered within six months after it becomes final, or it loses its force.
- Provisional measures settle the house, the children and maintenance while the case is pending.
- Without a signed parenting plan, show your attempts to reach one; the court can then decide the arrangements itself.
Frequently asked questions about unilateral divorce
Can my partner prevent the divorce?
No. Your partner can delay a divorce, but not prevent it. Dutch law does not require the consent of both spouses. Your partner can file a defence or an appeal, but the court will grant the divorce once the marriage has broken down irretrievably.
How long can the process take?
That depends largely on your spouse. If no defence is filed, the court can decide on the papers within months. A contested case needs one or more hearings, and an appeal adds a further stage. Separating the divorce itself from the ancillary matters usually shortens the process.
How much does a unilateral divorce cost?
That depends on how much is contested and how long the proceedings run. The main costs are your lawyer’s fees, the court fee (griffierecht), the bailiff’s fee for serving the petition and, where property is involved, valuation and notary fees. The court fee is fixed by law and adjusted every year, so ask for a written cost estimate before you start. On a low income you may qualify for subsidised legal aid; Law & More does not work on that basis.
How do I tell the children?
Try to tell the children together with your partner, even if he or she does not cooperate with the divorce itself. Be honest, and explain it in a way that suits their age. Make clear that both parents love them and will stay involved. A family coach or child psychologist can help.
Can I get subsidised legal aid?
Yes, if your income and assets fall below the limits of the Legal Aid Board (Raad voor Rechtsbijstand), against a personal contribution. The limits and the contribution are set each year, so check the current figures with the Raad voor Rechtsbijstand or the Juridisch Loket. Law & More does not work on this basis.
How can we help with a unilateral divorce?
Law & More represents clients in divorce proceedings in the Netherlands, including cases in which one spouse does not want the divorce. We file and defend unilateral petitions, apply for provisional measures, draft parenting plans and settlements, and litigate over maintenance, the family home and pension division. Our first conversation is about where you actually stand, so that the decisions that follow are informed ones. Read more about our divorce lawyers. Unsure where you stand? Tell us about your situation. We will let you know your options within one working day.
