When the other parent ignores the contact arrangement

If the other parent does not follow a contact or care arrangement set by the court, you can ask the court to attach a penalty payment (dwangsom) to it, or to change the arrangement. In serious cases the court can also take child protection measures, but it will always decide on the basis of your child’s interests, not on the basis of who is right.

When parents separate, the court often lays down how the children will divide their time between them. In English this is often called a custody arrangement, but under Dutch law it is a contact arrangement (omgangsregeling) or, where both parents have custody (gezag), a care arrangement (zorgregeling). Below we explain which family law tools you can use when that arrangement is not followed, and where their limits lie.

Is a contact arrangement binding?

Yes. An arrangement laid down by the court is a binding decision, not advice. A parent who does not follow it is in breach of a court order.

Under Article 1:377a of the Dutch Civil Code (BW), a child has the right to contact with the parent who does not live with them, and that parent has both the right and the duty to have contact with the child. Where both parents have joint custody, each parent has the right and the duty to care for and raise the child, and the court can lay down a care arrangement (Articles 1:247 and 1:253a BW).

In practice, arrangements are not always followed. Sometimes a parent deliberately obstructs contact, sometimes circumstances change, such as a move, a new job or a child who no longer wants to go. The right response depends on the cause.

How can you enforce the arrangement with a penalty payment?

You can ask the court to order the other parent to comply with the arrangement on pain of a penalty payment. The parent then owes a fixed amount each time, or each day, the arrangement is not followed.

A penalty payment is not imposed automatically; you must request it. If the court decision does not yet contain one, you can ask for it in new proceedings, for example in summary proceedings (kort geding) or together with a request to change the arrangement. The basis is Article 611a of the Code of Civil Procedure (Wetboek van Burgerlijke Rechtsvordering, Rv).

The court will look critically at such a request. It considers whether a penalty payment actually serves the child’s interests, because financial pressure on one parent can increase tension in the family. Courts therefore often cap the total amount and look first at whether there is a milder way to restore contact. A penalty payment has the best chance where a parent obstructs contact without good reason and other measures have not worked.

Can the police be involved?

Only in very exceptional cases. The law allows a court decision on the handing over of a child to be enforced with the help of the police (Article 812 Rv), but courts and bailiffs are extremely reluctant to do so. Forcing a child to go is rarely in the child’s interests, and it usually damages the relationship you want to restore.

What if communication between the parents has broken down?

Then enforcement alone rarely helps. The court and other bodies have several tools to reduce the conflict and restore contact, often before a penalty payment is considered.

The court can refer parents to mediation or to a counselling programme for parents in conflict. It can also order supervised contact (omgangsbegeleiding), where a professional supports the handover or the contact itself. In high-conflict cases, some courts have also ordered parents to communicate only through a co-parenting app. Such apps structure and store all communication about the children, which reduces escalation and provides a clear record if a dispute arises later.

The court can also ask the Child Protection Board (Raad voor de Kinderbescherming) to investigate the family situation and advise on the arrangement. The Board speaks with both parents and, where appropriate, with the children and their school or other professionals.

Can the arrangement be changed?

Yes. The court can change a contact or care arrangement if circumstances have changed, or if the original decision was based on incorrect or incomplete information (Article 1:377e BW). Either parent can file a request for this.

A change can work in both directions. If contact regularly fails because the arrangement no longer fits the child’s school or activities, a new arrangement may solve the problem. If one parent keeps frustrating contact, the court can, as a last resort, reconsider where the child lives or, in serious cases, who exercises custody. That last step is rare and requires a thorough investigation.

What about child support when contact is not working?

Child support and contact are separate matters. A parent may not stop paying child support because contact is not taking place, and a parent who receives support may not refuse contact because payments are late.

If support is not paid, you can have it collected through the National Maintenance Collection Agency (Landelijk Bureau Inning Onderhoudsbijdragen, LBIO). If the financial situation of one of the parents has changed substantially, for example because of job loss or a new income, the amount can be changed by the court under Article 1:401 BW. The court then recalculates the support on the basis of the current situation. Our child support calculator gives a first indication.

When can the court take child protection measures?

When a child is caught between parents in a lasting and serious conflict, the juvenile court (kinderrechter) can impose a supervision order (ondertoezichtstelling). This is a protective measure for the child, not a punishment for either parent.

Under Article 1:255 BW, a supervision order is possible if a child is growing up in a way that seriously threatens their development, and the care needed to remove that threat is not accepted or is insufficient. A family guardian (jeugdbeschermer) from a certified institution then supervises the family and can give written instructions to the parents. The request usually comes from the Child Protection Board, after it has investigated the situation.

What is a special curator?

A special curator (bijzondere curator) is an independent person appointed by the court to represent the child’s interests where they conflict with those of the parents (Article 1:250 BW). The curator speaks with the child, and sometimes with the parents, and informs the court about what the child needs.

The court can appoint a special curator at the request of a parent or on its own initiative. A child can also ask the court informally for one. In high-conflict cases about contact or care, the appointment of a special curator is common.

Can you ask for an expert investigation?

Yes. In cases about custody and contact, the court can order an investigation by an expert, such as a child psychologist, to advise on the child’s situation or a parent’s parenting abilities (Article 810a Rv).

A parent can ask the court for such an investigation. The request is strongest if it is concrete: what exactly should be investigated, and why is the existing information insufficient? The court is not obliged to grant every request, but it must give reasons if it refuses. It may refuse, for example, if the investigation would not add anything or would be too burdensome for the child. When there are conflicting reports, the court must explain which advice it follows and why.

When can contact be refused?

Contact with a parent can only be refused on the grounds listed in the law, and only if no milder alternative is available. A conflict between the parents, or a general feeling of unease, is not enough.

Under Article 1:377a(3) BW, the court can refuse contact only if:

• contact would seriously harm the child’s mental or physical development;
• the parent is clearly unfit or clearly unable to have contact;
• the child, aged twelve or older, has shown serious objections to contact with the parent;
• contact would otherwise conflict with the child’s overriding interests.

The court must consider whether a milder measure would suffice, such as supervised contact, a limited arrangement or a temporary suspension. A decision to refuse contact must be carefully reasoned. If you disagree with it, you can appeal to the court of appeal within three months (Article 806 Rv), and after that lodge an appeal in cassation with the Supreme Court (Article 426 Rv).

Does your child have a say?

Yes. Children aged twelve and older must be given the opportunity to share their views with the court in proceedings that concern them (Article 809 Rv). Younger children can also be heard, and some courts invite them as well.

The child usually speaks with the judge in a short, informal conversation without the parents present. The court takes the child’s views seriously but does not have to follow them; the decision is not the child’s responsibility. If the court reaches a different conclusion from what an older child clearly wants, it will explain why.

What if the other parent moves or takes the children abroad?

Where parents have joint custody, one parent may not change the child’s place of residence on their own if this affects the other parent’s role. Without agreement, the moving parent needs replacement permission from the court (Article 1:253a BW).

The court then weighs all interests: the reasons for the move, the effect on the child and on contact with the other parent, and the arrangements the moving parent proposes. There is no fixed rule that one interest always prevails.

If a child is taken abroad or kept abroad without consent, this may be international child abduction. Under the 1980 Hague Child Abduction Convention, you can ask for the child’s return. In the Netherlands, the Central Authority for International Child Abduction supports such requests, and the District Court of The Hague decides on return cases. The starting point is prompt return, with only limited exceptions. Act quickly: after a year, the other parent can argue that the child has settled in the new environment.

What can you do right now?

Start by recording what happens, keep communication calm and factual, and seek advice before taking steps that could escalate the conflict.

• Keep a log of every time the arrangement is not followed: the date, what was agreed and what actually happened, and save messages and emails.
• Communicate in writing and in a businesslike tone, preferably through one channel such as a co-parenting app.
• Propose a solution, such as a make-up day or mediation, and record how the other parent responds.
• Focus on your child’s interests; a court is more persuaded by that than by personal frustration.
• Have a family lawyer assess the situation before you go to court, and do not wait too long, because a long break in contact is harder to repair.

The statutory rules can be found in Book 1 of the Dutch Civil Code and the Dutch Code of Civil Procedure.

In summary

• A contact or care arrangement laid down by the court is binding (Articles 1:377a and 1:253a BW).
• You can ask the court to attach a penalty payment or to change the arrangement, but the court weighs the child’s interests first.
• Mediation, supervised contact, a special curator or a supervision order can help where the conflict is deep.
• Contact can only be refused on the grounds in Article 1:377a(3) BW and if no milder measure will do.
• Children aged twelve and older are always given the opportunity to be heard.

Frequently asked questions

Law & More assists parents in disputes about contact, care arrangements, custody and relocation. Unsure where you stand? Tell us about your situation. We will let you know your options within one working day.