Gaslighting and psychological abuse: remedies in Dutch law

Gaslighting is not a separate criminal offence in the Netherlands, but the law can still reach it: if it damages your mental health it can be assault under Article 300 of the Dutch Criminal Code (Sr), it can justify a temporary domestic exclusion order (tijdelijk huisverbod) from the mayor, and it can found a claim for damages under Articles 6:162 and 6:106 of the Dutch Civil Code (BW). The real difficulty is usually not the law but the evidence.

Gaslighting is a sustained pattern of psychological manipulation in which one partner systematically undermines the other’s perception of reality. The term comes from the 1944 film Gaslight, in which a husband makes his wife doubt her sanity by changing her surroundings and denying what she sees. In a legal setting the pattern matters more than the label. Isolated remarks prove little; courts act on a documented course of conduct, supported by sources outside the relationship.

What does gaslighting look like in practice?

Gaslighting is cumulative and designed to be deniable. Each incident looks small on its own; together, over months or years, they erode self-esteem, memory and independent judgement.

A perpetrator will typically contradict the other person about events both witnessed, dismiss their feelings as irrational or hysterical, and gradually cut them off from friends and family. Vulnerabilities shared in confidence are used against them. Concerns are ridiculed, and responsibility for the perpetrator’s own behaviour is turned back onto the victim. The result is often dependence on the very person causing the harm.

Gaslighting rarely occurs alone. It is usually one technique within a wider pattern of coercive control: isolation, surveillance, humiliation, control of money and suppression of everyday needs. Dutch courts now describe it in those terms.

On 27 February 2025, the district court of Zeeland-West-Brabant convicted a man who, together with others, had pressured a woman over several years into handing over her money and possessions. The court described undue influence, coercive control and gaslighting as distinct but connected techniques, and characterised gaslighting as distorting the truth so that the other person increasingly doubts themselves (ECLI:NL:RBZWB:2025:1078). Where a relationship is ending, the same pattern often shapes the divorce; we discuss that in our article on coercive control and divorce.

Is gaslighting a criminal offence in the Netherlands?

There is no separate offence of gaslighting or psychological abuse in the Dutch Criminal Code. Such conduct is prosecuted under general offences, mainly assault, threats, stalking and coercion, depending on what can be proved.

Assault through damage to mental health

The most important route is assault (mishandeling) under Article 300 Sr. The provision is not limited to physical injury: intentional damage to someone’s mental health can also be assault.

On 10 January 2025, the district court of Amsterdam applied that reasoning to a marriage. It convicted a man of assault for about two years of degradation, isolation, withholding food and medical care, threats and silent treatment towards his then wife. The court held that psychological well-being is an essential part of health (ECLI:NL:RBAMS:2025:5663). The judgment also shows the standard of proof: the court relied on a documented course of conduct and on statements from people outside the household, not on the complaint alone.

Threats, stalking, coercion and extortion

Three other groups of offences regularly play a role. Threats made to intimidate or control fall under Article 285 Sr. Systematic harassment or surveillance, whether or not the parties still live together, can be stalking (belaging) under Article 285b Sr.

Stalking is a complaint offence. The Public Prosecution Service (OM) can only prosecute if the victim files a formal complaint (klacht), and that must be done within three months of the victim becoming aware of the offence. Filing a report (aangifte) alone is not always enough; make clear that you also want prosecution.

Forcing someone to do, tolerate or refrain from something by violence or threats is coercion (dwang) under Article 284 Sr. Where the pressure is aimed at money or property, the offence may be extortion (afpersing) under Article 317 Sr. Our guide to assault charges in the Netherlands explains how these prosecutions run.

How does a temporary domestic exclusion order work?

The mayor can order a person to leave the home for ten days, with a ban on contact, if their presence poses a serious and immediate danger to someone in the household. Psychological violence counts; physical injury is not required.

The temporary domestic exclusion order is based on the Temporary Domestic Exclusion Order Act (Wet tijdelijk huisverbod, Wth). It is an administrative measure, not a civil or criminal one. The mayor imposes it, often through an official acting on the mayor’s behalf, and the administrative courts review it, not the civil court.

The mayor may impose the order if the person’s presence poses a serious and immediate danger to the safety of one or more household members, or if there is a serious suspicion of such danger. The threshold is lower than in a criminal case, because the measure is preventive rather than punitive. The danger must still be made concrete.

The order removes the person from the home for ten days and prohibits contact during that period. The mayor may extend it to a maximum of four weeks in total. Breaching the order is itself a criminal offence.

What must the mayor substantiate?

An exclusion order cannot rest on an allegation alone. On 16 October 2024 the Administrative Jurisdiction Division of the Council of State (Raad van State) upheld the annulment of an order. The mayor had relied on conflicting statements and on risk assessment forms based on those statements, without medical records, police reports or any history of domestic violence (ECLI:NL:RVS:2024:4154).

The lesson works both ways. If you want the measure to hold, make sure objective material reaches the mayor. If an order is imposed on you, ask precisely what it rests on.

Article 8 ECHR and proportionality

An exclusion order interferes with the right to respect for private and family life under Article 8 of the European Convention on Human Rights (ECHR). It must therefore have a basis in law, pursue a legitimate aim and be necessary in a democratic society.

Courts apply that test seriously, but it is not a high hurdle when the danger is properly documented. On 7 November 2025, the district court of Limburg dismissed an appeal against an order and its extension, finding the interference with family life justified (ECLI:NL:RBLIM:2025:13174).

Being heard and challenging the order

The person to be excluded must in principle be heard before the order is made, unless urgency makes that impossible. Because the order takes effect immediately, the Act allows a direct application to the preliminary relief judge (voorzieningenrechter) of the district court to suspend it. That route runs alongside the ordinary objection to the mayor and appeal to the administrative court.

An order that is not properly prepared can be unlawful and can lead to compensation. On 30 August 2017 the Council of State upheld an award of compensation to a man who had been excluded from his home for nine days. The mayor had not heard him and the facts did not show a serious and immediate danger (ECLI:NL:RVS:2017:2339).

Can you get a longer contact ban through the civil court?

Yes. If the danger continues after the exclusion order ends, you can ask the preliminary relief judge in summary proceedings (kort geding) for a contact ban or an order to stay away from the home, usually backed by a penalty payment (dwangsom) for each breach.

The claim is based on a wrongful act (onrechtmatige daad) under Article 6:162 BW, and the order itself on Article 3:296 BW. A contact ban restricts the freedom of the other person. The court therefore weighs the seriousness and recency of the conduct against that restriction, and expects you to make the pattern concrete. Our guide to obtaining a restraining order explains how these proceedings work in practice.

How do you prove a pattern of psychological abuse?

With material created at the time, from sources other than yourself: a dated log, messages, medical records and statements from people who saw the change. In a criminal case, the statement of one witness alone is never enough for a conviction.

Gaslighting is designed to be deniable. Article 342(2) of the Dutch Code of Criminal Procedure (Sv) requires the account of a single witness to be supported by evidence from another source. Civil and administrative courts assess evidence freely, but they will not act on an assertion alone either.

What carries weight is material created before the dispute became a legal one. A dated record of incidents kept at the time, describing what was said and what effect it had, is more persuasive than a reconstruction written later. Messages, emails and call logs show the tone and frequency of contact. Export and store them somewhere the other person cannot reach.

Reports from a GP, psychologist or psychiatrist establish that harm occurred and link it to a period in time. Statements from colleagues, neighbours or family who noticed a change in you provide the independent support the law asks for. Files held by Veilig Thuis and police reports carry particular weight, because they record professional observations.

The limits of what can be proved

Be realistic about what a court will accept. On 19 June 2025, the district court of Noord-Holland convicted a man of attempting to seriously assault his partner by squeezing her throat. The court relied partly on police officers who saw her trembling and visibly frightened immediately afterwards, and on photographs of her injuries.

The same court acquitted him of the alleged systematic denigration of the children, because that allegation was too general and was not corroborated (ECLI:NL:RBNHO:2025:6690). Observable, dated facts witnessed by others can be proved; a general description of a relationship usually cannot.

Can you claim compensation for psychological harm?

Yes. You can claim damages for a wrongful act under Article 6:162 BW, including non-material damages (smartengeld) under Article 6:106 BW. You must, however, make the psychological harm concrete, usually with medical or other factual evidence.

The relevant ground is impairment of the person in another way (aantasting in de persoon op andere wijze). The Supreme Court (Hoge Raad) set out the test on 15 March 2019. In principle, you must show mental injury with concrete evidence. In exceptional cases, the nature and seriousness of the breach and its consequences can make the harm so obvious that no further evidence is needed. The breach of a fundamental right is not enough on its own (ECLI:NL:HR:2019:376).

A claim for psychological harm must therefore be built with medical and factual material. The amount is set on an equitable basis, taking into account the duration and seriousness of the conduct, the consequences for the victim and the degree of blame.

You can bring the claim before the civil court or, if there is a prosecution, join the criminal case as an injured party (benadeelde partij) under Article 51f Sv. The criminal route is quicker and cheaper, but only works if the claim does not require extensive further investigation. A substantial claim for psychological harm belongs with a specialist personal injury lawyer.

What if children are involved?

Children who witness a pattern of psychological abuse between their parents are affected themselves. That affects decisions on parental authority, the children’s residence and contact arrangements, which the court makes in the best interests of the child.

Veilig Thuis or the Child Protection Board (Raad voor de Kinderbescherming) may become involved. The Board can ask the juvenile court (kinderrechter) for a family supervision order (ondertoezichtstelling) under Article 1:255 BW.

If contact would expose a child to continuing manipulation, contact can be restricted or supervised. The court decides these questions on the child’s interests, not as a sanction against a parent. That is why documented evidence of the effect on the child matters more than the history between the adults. Our family law practice regularly handles these applications.

What should you check if you are accused?

Use your procedural rights immediately and do not wait for an exclusion order to expire. An order can be imposed within hours on material you have not seen, and statements made in the first days feed into administrative, criminal and family proceedings alike.

• Ask to be heard before the order is made; the mayor may skip this only if urgency makes it impossible.
• Ask for the material the order rests on: police reports, the risk assessment form and any statements.
• Apply to the preliminary relief judge to suspend the order, and object to the mayor at the same time.
• Collect written evidence, expert reports and witness statements that contradict the allegation.
• Check whether the order rests only on conflicting statements; that does not hold (ECLI:NL:RVS:2024:4154).
• Take advice before you make any statement to the police or the mayor.

What should you check if you are on the receiving end?

Start with the evidence, because that cannot be recovered later. A criminal complaint, an exclusion order, a civil contact ban and a damages claim follow different timetables, so choose a combination rather than a single step.

• Keep a dated record of incidents as they happen, describing what was said and its effect on you.
• Export your messages and emails to a device or account the other person cannot reach.
• See your GP or a psychologist now; a professional assessment made at the time carries weight later.
• Contact Veilig Thuis on 0800-2000 (free, day and night); call the police and ask about an exclusion order if there is immediate danger.
• For stalking, file a formal complaint (klacht), not only a report, within three months (Article 66 Sr).
• Do not opt for mediation: it assumes a balance between the parties that years of manipulation have removed.

What can we do for you with gaslighting and psychological abuse?

Our family and divorce lawyers act for people subjected to psychological abuse and for people facing such an allegation.

• We assess your evidence and tell you which route is realistic: a criminal complaint, an exclusion order, a contact ban or a combination.
• We draft the summons for summary proceedings (kort geding) for a contact ban with a penalty payment (dwangsom).
• We file the objection and the application to the preliminary relief judge against an exclusion order imposed on you.
• We prepare your statement and attend police interviews or hearings with you.
• We align the abuse proceedings with the parallel divorce, residence and contact proceedings.

Summary

• Gaslighting is not a separate offence, but it can be assault under Article 300 Sr if it damages mental health, or threats, stalking or coercion.
• The mayor can impose a ten-day exclusion order, extendable to four weeks, where there is a serious and immediate danger; psychological violence is enough.
• For longer protection you can ask the civil court for a contact ban in summary proceedings.
• Evidence decides these cases: keep a dated log, preserve messages and involve your GP or psychologist early.
• Damages for psychological harm are possible, but the harm must be made concrete.

Frequently asked questions