Nasty divorce in the Netherlands: how do you avoid one in 8 steps?

You avoid a nasty divorce in the Netherlands mainly by choosing the right process and the right order of decisions, not by winning legal arguments. The court grants a divorce on one ground only, the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage under Article 1:151 of the Dutch Civil Code (Burgerlijk Wetboek, BW), and does not look at who was at fault. What the court does decide, if you cannot agree, is the parenting arrangements, maintenance, the division of assets and who may stay in the family home.

Each of those points can be settled between the two of you first. Below we set out eight steps that keep a Dutch divorce out of a courtroom battle, with the rules and deadlines behind each step. They apply to Dutch and international couples living in the Netherlands alike.

How does a Dutch divorce work?

A lawyer must file the divorce petition with the district court, and the marriage only ends once the decision is registered. If you agree, you can use one lawyer or mediator together and file a joint petition.

You cannot file for divorce yourself: the petition must be submitted to the district court (rechtbank) by a lawyer (advocaat). Spouses who agree can share one lawyer and file a joint petition, which is the cheapest and quietest route. If one spouse files alone, the other can respond and the case becomes adversarial.

The marriage only ends when the decision is entered in the civil registry (burgerlijke stand). That entry must be made within six months after the decision becomes final (Article 1:163 BW). Miss that window and the decision loses its effect, and the procedure has to start again.

Parents with joint parental authority over minor children must file a parenting plan (ouderschapsplan) with the petition, under Article 815 of the Dutch Code of Civil Procedure (Wetboek van Burgerlijke Rechtsvordering, Rv). Without it, or without a proper explanation of why no agreement was reached, the court can declare the petition inadmissible. So the parenting arrangements come first, not last.

Step 1: which process do you choose?

Choose the process before you take positions. Mediation, a joint petition and the collaborative model keep the decisions with you; litigation hands them to a judge who knows only what is in the file.

• Mediation. In mediation, a neutral mediator, usually registered with the Dutch Mediators Federation (Mediatorsfederatie Nederland, MfN), guides you to agreements. These are recorded in a divorce covenant (echtscheidingsconvenant) and, with children, a parenting plan, both attached to a joint petition.
• The collaborative model. Each spouse has their own lawyer, and both lawyers commit in writing not to litigate. A financial or child specialist joins where needed.
• Litigation. Each spouse argues their own case and the judge decides.

Litigation is sometimes unavoidable, for example with domestic violence, a real risk of assets disappearing, or a party who refuses to disclose anything. But a contested divorce takes considerably longer and costs a multiple of a mediated settlement. Our overview of how long a divorce takes sets out realistic timelines for both routes.

Step 2: how do you avoid escalation in the first weeks?

Ask the court for provisional measures instead of acting on your own. The court can quickly decide who stays in the home, how the children are cared for and what maintenance is paid in the meantime.

Just before or during divorce proceedings, either spouse can request provisional measures (voorlopige voorzieningen) under Articles 821 and following Rv. The hearing usually follows within weeks, and the measure runs until the divorce takes effect.

Acting alone usually costs more than it achieves. Changing the locks on a home you are both entitled to use generally triggers an urgent court application against you. Emptying a joint account shortly before or during the divorce invites a claim under Article 3:194(2) BW (see step 4). Where there is a real safety risk, the answer is a restraining order or, with domestic violence, a temporary house ban (tijdelijk huisverbod) of ten days imposed by the mayor.

Step 3: how do you settle the arrangements for the children?

Settle the children first and write it down precisely in a parenting plan. Joint parental authority continues after the divorce; what you arrange is how it works in two households.

Under Article 1:251 BW, parents who had joint authority during the marriage keep it afterwards. The parenting plan must at minimum record how you divide care and upbringing, how you inform and consult each other, and how you share the costs of the children. Children aged 12 and older are invited by the court to give their views.

Two drafting choices prevent most later disputes. First, precision on everyday matters: the weekly rhythm, holidays, handover times and places, and how one parent tells the other about a change. Second, a dispute mechanism, such as a return to the mediator before either parent goes back to court. If you disagree later, the court can settle disputes about the care arrangement on request (Article 1:253a BW).

How is child maintenance calculated?

Parents owe maintenance for a child until the child turns 21 (Articles 1:392 and 1:395a BW). The amount is calculated with the Trema standards (Tremanormen) of the judiciary’s expert group on maintenance, which weigh the child’s needs against what each parent can afford. Amounts are indexed every 1 January by a percentage set by the Minister of Justice and Security. Agreeing a figure without running the calculation is risky, because a court will recalculate it if one parent asks.

Step 4: why must you be financially transparent?

Because the law requires it. A spouse who deliberately hides or conceals a shared asset can lose their share in it under Article 3:194(2) BW.

Spouses owe each other information about the assets and debts within their matrimonial property regime, and courts apply this sanction. Full disclosure early also shortens negotiations: most deadlocks are about figures one side cannot check.

What has to be divided?

That depends on when you married and whether you made a prenuptial agreement (huwelijkse voorwaarden).

• Married on or after 1 January 2018: by default a limited community of property (beperkte gemeenschap van goederen). Assets and debts from before the marriage, and gifts and inheritances, remain private; what you build up during the marriage is shared.
• Married before 2018: the old general community of property applies, unless you made a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement.

If your prenuptial agreement contains a periodic settlement clause that was never applied during the marriage, Article 1:141(3) BW presumes that the assets present at the end were built from income that should have been settled. They are then shared unless you prove otherwise. Get advice on that early.

What happens to pensions?

Under the Pension Rights Equalisation (Divorce) Act (Wet verevening pensioenrechten bij scheiding), each spouse is in principle entitled to half of the old-age pension the other built up during the marriage, unless you agree otherwise.

If the pension provider is notified of the divorce within two years after it is registered, the provider pays the equalised share directly to the ex-spouse. After that period the entitlement remains, but the ex-spouse must collect it from the other spouse, which is a much weaker position. A settlement also has tax effects on the home, pension and maintenance; we work with your tax adviser on those.

Step 5: what should you know about partner maintenance?

Agree the framework before you argue about a figure. Since 1 January 2020, partner maintenance lasts half the length of the marriage, up to five years, with exceptions for young children and long marriages.

A former spouse without sufficient income, who cannot reasonably be expected to earn it, can claim spousal maintenance (partneralimentatie) from the other. The amount depends on need on one side and ability to pay on the other. The main term under Article 1:157 BW has two important extensions:

• with children together, maintenance continues until the youngest child turns 12;
• after a marriage of more than 15 years, where the receiving spouse reaches state pension (AOW) age within ten years, maintenance runs until that age.

For divorces requested before 1 January 2020, the old term of up to twelve years still applies. Decide explicitly whether the amount will be indexed and whether it can be changed later; an exclusion of later changes is interpreted strictly. The obligation ends by law if the receiving ex-spouse remarries, enters a registered partnership or lives with someone as if married (Article 1:160 BW). Define that in the covenant, because it is a frequent source of later litigation.

Step 6: what happens to the family home?

Separate three questions: who lives there now, who owns it afterwards, and who is liable for the mortgage. The mortgage usually decides the outcome.

Who lives there now. During the proceedings the court can assign the home as a provisional measure. After the divorce is registered, the court can give one spouse the right to keep living there for six months, regardless of ownership (Article 1:165 BW).

Who owns it afterwards. With joint ownership, one spouse can buy out the other, the home can be sold and the proceeds or remaining debt divided, or you can postpone the sale for a set period.

Who is liable for the mortgage. Both borrowers remain jointly and severally liable until the lender releases one of them, and the lender only does that if the remaining borrower can carry the loan alone. Agreeing a takeover without first checking that release is one of the most damaging mistakes in a settlement.

Moving out does not end your ownership, your share of the costs or your rights regarding the children. But it creates a factual situation that becomes the reference point in later negotiations. Agree in writing who pays what in the meantime, and record the condition and contents of the home before anything is moved.

Step 7: which court and which law apply to an international couple?

Jurisdiction and applicable law are two separate questions, often with different answers. Establish both at the start, before anyone files.

Which court. Within the EU, jurisdiction is governed by Regulation (EU) 2019/1111 (Brussels IIb), which has applied since 1 August 2022. It gives jurisdiction on the basis of habitual residence and nationality, and often more than one court is competent. Because the court first seised keeps the case, the timing of filing can decide where the divorce is dealt with.

Which law. The Netherlands does not take part in the Rome III Regulation. A Dutch court applies Book 10 BW, under which Dutch law governs the divorce unless the spouses have chosen the law of their common nationality.

Which property law. For spouses married on or after 29 January 2019, Regulation (EU) 2016/1103 decides which country’s property law governs their assets. For earlier marriages, the rules at the time of the marriage decide, often the 1978 Hague Marriage Property Convention. Maintenance follows Regulation (EC) 4/2009 and the 2007 Hague Protocol. A Dutch court may therefore grant the divorce under Dutch law while dividing assets under foreign property law.

Step 8: how should you communicate during the divorce?

Write every message as if the judge will read it, because in Dutch family cases that often happens. Keep messages short, factual and about logistics.

• use one channel for logistics, with short and factual messages;
• do not discuss the case through the children;
• do not post about the divorce, the other parent or a new relationship.

Reading your spouse’s messages, accessing their email or online banking, or placing a tracker on their car can breach their privacy under the GDPR and may be a criminal offence. Where communication has broken down, change the process rather than the tone. Our page on contested and high-conflict divorces describes the instruments available, and an experienced family lawyer can tell you whether your case still belongs at the negotiating table.

How do you record the agreements?

Record the agreements in a complete divorce covenant and have it incorporated into the court decision. Maintenance can then be enforced directly, including through the LBIO.

• Attach it to the petition. A maintenance obligation in a court decision can be enforced directly, including through the National Maintenance Collection Agency (Landelijk Bureau Inning Onderhoudsbijdragen, LBIO). A purely contractual obligation must first be taken to court.
• Make it complete. A covenant that leaves the pension, the mortgage release or a jointly owned business for later is a postponement, not a settlement.
• Make it workable. A court can amend maintenance when circumstances change materially (Article 1:401 BW). An arrangement both households can run lasts longer than an unbalanced one.

At the start, gather the documents that decide the outcome: the marriage certificate, any prenuptial agreement, recent tax returns, mortgage and pension statements, and an overview of accounts and debts.

What can we do for you with a divorce?

Law & More advises and litigates in divorce, parenting and maintenance matters, and acts as mediator where spouses want to settle together.

• We review your situation and advise on the best process, mediation, joint petition or litigation, in a first conversation.
• We draft the divorce covenant and parenting plan and file the joint petition with the district court.
• We request provisional measures on the home, the children and maintenance where agreement is not possible.
• We calculate child and partner maintenance using the Trema standards.
• We check the mortgage release, the pension equalisation and the two-year notification to the pension fund.
• For international couples, we establish the competent court and the applicable divorce and property law before anyone files.

Summary

• A Dutch divorce is granted on one ground, irretrievable breakdown; fault plays no role, and a lawyer must file the petition.
• Choose mediation or a joint petition where possible, and use provisional measures instead of acting on your own.
• Settle the children first in a precise parenting plan; child maintenance runs until 21 and follows the Trema standards.
• Be financially transparent, check the mortgage release before agreeing on the home, and notify the pension fund within two years.
• Register the divorce within six months of the final decision, or the decision lapses.

Frequently asked questions